While researching SRS, I’ve been compiling a list of surgeons in North America. I don’t like admitting it, but going to Thailand (the most common non-NA place I see SRS docs practicing) sort of unnerves me. I like the idea of being somewhere where I understand the culture and can communicate with the staff. Maybe that’s an unreasonable fear (based on the reviews I’m reading of Thai docs, it seems like it is an unreasonable fear) but, at least for now, I’m focusing on North America.
So what have I found? Here’s the list of doctors I’m most actively investigating:
Dr McGinn – Pennsylvania
Dr Bowers – Colorado (but moving to California some time within the next year)
Dr Brassard – Montreal
Continue reading 'Surgeons'»
Yeah, it's a little cheesey. What do you want from me?
Transitioning, for me, has primarily been an experience of moving away from things. At every stage, I’ve thought about how unhappy I was, not about how things would be better if I did XYZ.
I went into therapy because I was miserable, not because I was particularly sure I could be happy. I went on hormones because presenting and living as male fit me horribly, like an itchy and too-tight outfit, full of pins and needles. Not because I thought I’d succeed as living as a woman. I underwent hair removal because being hairy felt all wrong, not because I thought being smooth would be pleasant.
Fortunately, I was wrong about those things: When I reached whatever minor goal I’d set for myself it was better, not simply “less bad.” But my thought process was still about moving away from things – a false presentation, hiding something, masculinity – not moving toward anything.
I’ve been continuing to think about The Surgery. And I’ve realized that, for the first time in my transition, I’m interesting in moving toward something rather than away.
Continue reading 'Moving toward something?'»
This is my gallbladder, Tim.
First, apparently it’s “gallbladder” or “gall bladder,” not “gal bladder.” Good to know.
Second, a little more info on what has been going on.
The gallbladder is used as sort of a digestive backup: it stores bile produced elsewhere and, when hard-to-digest food is introduced to the digestive tract – the gallbladder will send in the reinforcements. That means it’s useful, but not critical.
Gallstones are formed out of normal bile components that somehow solidify and get stuck in obnoxious (and potentially dangerous) places.
Continue reading 'The gallbladder has gotsta go!'»
Almost a month after my recent visit, I’m back in the hospital. I came to the ER this morning with more abdominal pain, and they’ve since determined it’s a gal bladder issue. Tomorrow they’ll definitely be removing some gal stones, an possibly the gal bladder itself. I’ll them get out Wednesday or Thursday, hopefully.
If they decide not to remove the gal bladder this week (to let swelling go down) I’ll be back in 4 to 6 weeks for that.
More later (posting from my phone) but wanted to shoot out an update.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been thinking about surgery. My therapist recommended I start by gathering information – no thoughts at this point about whether or not I actually want surgery – just so I can reduce my own ignorance.
I figured I’d start by asking y’all if you had any links or resources you’d recommend for someone beginning to think about The Surgery. Or, if you’d had The Surgery and are willing to share, what doctor did you use? How was the experience?
I have some links I’ve been finding, and will hopefully post those later this week, but I’d love any recommendations for where to start looking. Thanks!
Didn’t sleep well at all last night. Particularly a shame because I got to bed early-ish, and was hoping for a good 8.5 hours of sleep…
My first nightmare was set at some sort of bar or club – dim lighting, lots of people drinking, that sort of thing. I was performing burlesque. which is enough of a nightmare that the dream didn’t need to go any further… I was on some sort of couch on a raised platform, facing the rest of the bar.
I began taking off clothing, article by article, and the crowd was going wild. I could feel a charge from the crowd, from their enjoyment of my body. I was putting myself on display, and I was enjoying it.
But as I got down to just underwear (topless, but doing my burlesque best not to show everything) I started to hear upset murmurings from the crowd. It dawned on me that I was in underwear that made it obvious I was trans, so to speak. The crowd – mostly men – was angry at this deception, this offense, this outrage.
I got up from the couch in tears, covering myself with a pillow, and ran to a stairwell. A friend came to try and comfort me, but didn’t understand why I was upset and did a miserable job at calming me down, at which point I woke up.
Continue reading 'Nightmares'»
I just got back from a weekend (well, 16 hours) visiting one of my high school friends in Minneapolis. (I know you read this blog, so hi!) I drove up with one of my roommates on Saturday, arriving around 5:30PM, and left this afternoon at about quarter to one. We had a lot of fun – it was really great to see my friend’s house, spend a little bit of time (far too little!) with her son, and meet some of her friends at a Halloween party she and her husband were hosting. (I was undead – I’ll post pictures when I have some better ones…the ones from my camera weren’t great.)
Inadvertently, the party made me think more broadly about the idea of wearing costumes in our every-day life. First, because apparently queer people are really rare in Minnesota.
Continue reading 'Halloween Costumes, and Costumes for Life'»
Some random thoughts for this beautiful Sunday evening…
First, I was at the beach today for a friend’s picnic birthday party and, when nature called, went to the disgusting port-a-pottys. The Surgery has been occupying my mind lately but, all sorts of deep and philosophical body-image and personhood discussion aside, peeing standing up rocks. Those port-a-pottys were absolutely inhuman in their filth and I could barely manage to stand in them for the thirty seconds it took to pee. Had I needed to sit down, I would have held it (like the cis girl who did try to use ‘em and instantly gave up upon opening the door).
Second, I had another round of laser on my legs this weekend (and need to go back because they only booked me for an hour when I said it would take an hour and a half…grrrrr…). The woman performing the laser, who I’ve known since I started going to this place four or five years ago, is really nice and we were chatting about this and that. She obviously knows I’m trans, since I’ve been going there since before I started transitioning, and has been really sweet about it. Well, yesterday she also had someone in training in the room, and we were all chatting. One of the two women was complimenting me on my skin, and I said something about how estrogen helps it. The woman-in-training said, “Oh, are you on birth control?” Score one for passing! (I said, very simply, “No, I’m trans and am on lots of hormones,” and she responded, “Oh, ok.”)
Continue reading 'Peeing standing up, passing, and more!'»
I haven’t posted about dreams in a while, but it’s been interesting seeing how my dreams have changed over the course of thr transition. I always used to hope I’d wake up with dreams of being a girl (not to mention of waking up as a girl…) but never really felt horribly gendered in my dreams. More recently, I’ve definitely had dreams about transitioning, being outed, and so on.
Last night, I dreamt I was in the hospital, recovering after having undergone SRS.
Continue reading 'Dreams of Surgery'»
Comments (12) 
Themocracy