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By Rebecca, October 14, 2010 2:49 pm

In recent weeks, a big to-do has been made over the It Gets Better Project. It’s a YouTube channel organized by Dan Savage and his husband Terry, and aimed at bringing hope to LGBT youth, especially in light of the recent spate of youth suicides. As Savage said in his column, “[we can] show them what our lives are like … show them what the future may hold in store for them.”

The concept has gained a lot of traction (and even got a shout-out on the White House blog) but I think it’s worth examining more closely, particularly in lite of trans populations. Questioning Transphobia brought up the issue last week:

[Recent statistics showing trans populations being particularly at-risk for suicide attempts, physical and verbal harassment, HIV, and homelessness] is part of the reason I am not entirely thrilled with the “It Gets Better” campaign – that for a lot of us, it simply does not.

As Lisa highlights from a recent report from the National Center for Transgender Equality, “Forty-one percent of all respondents reported that they had attempted suicide, compared with a national estimated rate of 1.6 percent.”

Continue reading 'It Doesn’t Always Get Better'»

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By Rebecca, October 20, 2009 12:05 am

I have a love/hate relationship with Halloween. On the one hand, it’s hard to argue with candy, parties, and costumes. On the other hand, it’s the day before my birthday, which means I’m always obligated to be doing Halloween-ey things instead of whatever party I’d like to be having. I actually got Halloweened-out for a few years as a teenager, because I’d had Halloween birthday parties for the previous decade.

This year, my roommates and I are again having a Halloween party. It’ll be on Friday, the 30th, so planned to leave time for everyone to go out and/or go to the other inevitable parties on Saturday, the actual night of Halloween. I’m actually pretty psyched about the party; it should be good friends, and my roommates are indulging my ridiculous costume idea: one of them is dressing in a gold dress, and will be a gold-backed currency, I’ll be in a silver dress, as silver-backed currency, and the other is going to wear a shirt saying “What would you trade for me?” as a barter-based economy! (I’m a giant dork…)

The assumption seems to be, though, that we’re also all going to go out together on Saturday night. But I’m really not interested in going out to Wrigleyville again, even if this time everyone will be in ridiculous costumes. And, thus far, the only other party I’ve been invited to that I’d really want to go to is also on Friday…I can’t exactly ditch my party to go to another one. What I’d like to do is have my birthday party on the 31st, on the weekend of my birthday, and stay in with drinks, Rock Band, maybe some singing around the piano… But I’ve been told (repeatedly) that I’m not allowed to do that, and no one will come if I try. (Which isn’t unreasonable,  but does speak to the lousy birth date I have.)

This is also all part of the larger feeling I’ve been having, of a dearth of queer friends and an utter lack of queer community. And I don’t feel close enough to the few queer friends I do have – or, at least, the queer people I’m friendly with – to simply invite myself to whatever they’re doing for Halloween.

Continue reading 'All Hallow’s Eve'»

Comments (6)

By Rebecca, May 6, 2009 2:39 pm

A relative of mine passed away this weekend, and I discovered something at the shiva. Specifically, I was surrounded by a lot of people – family and family friends – who I hadn’t seen in years (in some cases, over a decade). And, as good middle-class-ers, most of them were well-trained enough to know that an event or issue which could lead to a potentially awkward interaction – say, someone you don’t know particularly well transitioning – can only be discussed obliquely. There’s a code for these things; a way to mention them while feeling secure in your ‘tactfulness.’

The middle-class code for “I approve of your transition and support you in it” is “Wow, you look great.”

Now, lets place this on the Axis of Support:

How supportive and tactful are people?

Continue reading 'Middle-Class Codes and the Axis of Support'»

Comments (0)

By Rebecca, August 5, 2008 2:06 pm

In a comment to this post, M wrote:

Your relationship with your dad confuses me. When he’s not supportive you get mad at him, when he is supportive you get mad at him.

I know I’m the outside looking in, but I think you took his email the wrong way. I think he was trying to show you that he’s getting his act together and wants to be there to support you, and that never again will he let you down.

I don’t think he was implying that without him you’ve been alone.

I think that you’re right, my relationship with my dad is a little ridiculous right now. When he’s not supportive I get upset, and when I think he’s either being ignorantly supportive or self-centeredly supportive, I get upset. That said, I’m conciously trying to restructure the relationship and not cut him the slack I feel I have been. My therapist and I have talked a lot about my relationship with my dad (tres cliche, I know) and we’ve been very satisfied with a ‘status quo, don’t rock the boat’ relationship.

Well, I don’t want that kind of relationship with him anymore, if I ever really did. So I am giving him a hard time, hopefully to get our relationship to a place where I feel more comfortable interacting and spending time with him.

-R

PS – He replied saying, basically, “change ‘alone’ to ‘without my support’”, to which I replied thanking him for his support because it does mean a lot. I’m not trying to scare him away or hurt him when he tries to be supportive, but I’m also not trying to let him off easily when he’s saying something I think isn’t fully thought out.