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By Rebecca, December 16, 2008 10:41 am

Unfortunately, it’s of stresses, not of how I judge the children I’ve been spying on all year long. (A subject for another post!)

• Transitioning at my full-time job, because I still need to talk to my occasionally-less-than-sane bosses (who I’m out to, but who I doubt have thought about the ramifications of my being trans…)
• Transitioning at my part-time job, because even though I’ve been there for a million years (first as a student, now as a teacher) and the staff and artistic director are being crazy-supportive, their board of directors is being somewhat weird. I think it’s out of trying to protect everyone involved – me, the rest of the staff, the students, their parents, and the organization as a whole – but meeting being told they met with a labor lawyer still doesn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy…
• How all of the transitioning stuff affects G and I. This is stressing me less than it had been, since we’re talking about things now, rather than always Talking about Things.
• G and my relationship, having nothing to do with transitioning – she’s working on a show right now and we haven’t had much time together. Also better than it has been, but I’m still ready for her show to be done.
• Stress at work having nothing to do with transitioning, but due to my (again) occasionally-less-than-sane bosses and, among other things, the new website that was supposed to launch yesterday and did not.
• Dealing with the theatre company some friends and I started last year and trying to figure out A) what I can contribute (currently I’m not contributing much) and B) what I need to get out of it (currently I’m not getting much out of it either)

Phew! No wonder I’ve been stressed!

-R

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By Rebecca, September 19, 2008 3:58 pm

(Been bad about posting this week. Sorry!)

I’ve been thinking a lot about situations where my behavior or interactions or presentation will be functionally the same before and after transitioning, but where there’s still a large emotional and/or perceptional shift. For example, while out with friends over the summer, I jotted this down during the cab ride home (in the interest of full disclosure, I was not exactly sober at the time):

There is a subtle, yet fundamental difference between being catty (with ‘the girls’) and being an asshole (with ‘the guys’).

In all fairness, ‘the guys’ that I’ve hung out with aren’t exatly the assholish type, nor ‘the girls’ really the catty type. But I’ve noticed a few times recently when out with friends in girl-mode that there’s been a subtle shift in my interactions with the men and women in the group. And I think there probably is an actual difference in interactions, but I think a lot more of it is based on my own emotions and perceptions of the situation and me feeling more comfortable in girl-mode than I ever really have in boy-mode.

Which brings me to what I really wanted to talk about: being perceived and/or thinking about myself as a heterosexual man versus a gay woman.

Continue reading 'Pithy title about men and women'»

Comments (3)

By Rebecca, August 27, 2008 4:10 pm

First, a slight expansion on G being back:

It’s great.

It didn’t magically remove all of my concerns about being in a not-long-distance relationship, or of having to relearn what it means to be in the same place. But I’m feeling much less stressed about it than I have in months, and much more confident that things are going to be OK. (Not that I was every ‘really’ worried, but I sure as hell was stressed.)

She has a friend in town from camp, which I think is good – first, it gives her lots to do, and second, it normalizes being back a bit by not having to go straight from speaking 99% French and being surrounded by people she’s worked with all summer to being around people speaking 100% English and not understanding the culture shock of coming from backwoods MN to the Big City. I’m also just getting a big kick out of seeing the two of them interact and joke in French. (Even if a good 99% of it goes over my head…)

As for hair removal, I signed a sheet of paper yesterday committing me to paying $4,400 for six sessions covering my arms, chest/tummy, and legs over the next year.

Oh my, that’s a lot of money.

Continue reading 'G’s Return, Hair Removal'»