Coming out of the closet isn't always easy...
There’s a post, Out Open, Closed, and In, at The Spectrum Cafe, that caught my attention. It’s about the spectrum of ‘outness’ trans people can choose to have: Out, Open, Blended, Closed, In, and Stealth. Dyssonance’s full definitions in her post, but briefly:
- Out – someone who makes a point to have ‘trans’ as part of their identity
- Open – someone who is willing to discuss their trans status, but not go out of their way to highlight it
- Blended – “[being trans] is a non issue — something that isn’t a topic for discussion unless the discussion is specifically relating to something important for themselves”
- Closed – “They don’t want people to know they are trans, and usually being closed is more a matter of simply not having had control and being put into a position that prevents them from being In”
- In – “In folks are what we have long called “stealth” — but stealth carries with it connotations of hiding, of deception, of intrigue…”
It’s an interesting scale, and I’d agree more useful than simply saying someone is Out or Stealth.
Continue reading 'Scales of Outness'»
Is there a merit badge for transitioning?
Apparently the left-over testosterone in my system is blocking two important girl-skills:
- I rarely notice when a friend gets a haircut, unless it’s pretty dramatic
- I can’t remember where and when I purchased every single item in my wardrobe
I’m told that, of the two, #1 is less forgivable.
This is one of those things that I’m not sure how to ‘fix.’ I’m learning (slowly) how to put on makeup. I’m getting better at seeing what outfits work together. (Though my date outfit from last night was the result of my roommate vetoing what I was going to wear.) I’m having tons of fun making and wearing jewelry. I’d even say I’m slowly adjusting my voice to something that feels more feminine and ‘right’ for me.
But all of those are things that, to one extent or another, you can practice.
Continue reading 'Important Girl Skill #473'»
A post over at Jez
ebel caught my eye: Beauty 101: Which Basic Beauty Skills Did You Never Quite Get The Hang Of?
“There’s something somewhat embarrassing about being almost 30 years old and not having basic grooming methods down, though not having nails for the majority of my life may account for part of my cluelessness. I’ve watched the manicurist at work, watched YouTube instructional videos, and read articles on proper shaping, but I always end up looking like a mess. My nails, I’ve realized, are best left to the professionals.”
She goes on, though, to talk about how most of the women she she told about her problem also had some aspect of makeup or feminine self-care they weren’t confident in: “Several friends, for example, admitted that they still couldn’t apply eyeliner without stabbing themselves in the face.” She goes on to ask readers to leave comments about places they lack confidence.
It made me think about my experiences pole dancing. In talking about it with my therapist, I said that I felt this inadequacy as a woman, and linked the emotion to being trans. She laughed and said, “You don’t feel inadequate because you’re trans. You feel inadequate because you’re a woman. There are all these skills and modes of expression you’re ‘supposed’ to know as a woman, but most women feel just as inadequate at them as you do.”
Continue reading 'It’s a ‘woman thing’ not a ‘trans thing’'»
I just got back from a weekend (well, 16 hours) visiting one of my high school friends in Minneapolis. (I know you read this blog, so hi!) I drove up with one of my roommates on Saturday, arriving around 5:30PM, and left this afternoon at about quarter to one. We had a lot of fun – it was really great to see my friend’s house, spend a little bit of time (far too little!) with her son, and meet some of her friends at a Halloween party she and her husband were hosting. (I was undead – I’ll post pictures when I have some better ones…the ones from my camera weren’t great.)
Inadvertently, the party made me think more broadly about the idea of wearing costumes in our every-day life. First, because apparently queer people are really rare in Minnesota.
Continue reading 'Halloween Costumes, and Costumes for Life'»
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