I thought you all might enjoy a few clips from my recent solo performance, Trans Form. This is two pieces, from separate parts of the show, that deal with The Little Mermaid and the idea of Ariel passing.
A lot of the material from this video came from this post. I’m still working on getting the rest of the video in some semblance of order… Would people be interested in seeing the whole thing (I’d need to break it up) or is a ‘best of’ clip video acceptable?
I was talking with a friend last night about my show (Dec 11-13 at Links Hall in Chicago) and how I’m feeling conflicted about the way I’m portraying my life. As I’vebeenmentioning, I’ve had trouble feeling excited and confident about the show. In the show, I don’t end on a pure or undiluted high note – I acknowledge that transitioning is hard, and I’m still struggling with a lot. But I do end on a hopeful note, something I’ve had difficulty really feeling as of late.
My friend was reminding me that it’s a show. My portrayal of myself on stage is obviously complicated and difficult. But I am allowed to take artistic liberties without needing to feel like I’m being dishonest or misrepresenting the truth.
And I’m allowed to give my performance-self a happy ending, in the hope that reality just might reflect art.
Here’s the piece I presented earlier tonight. I’m still figuring out the best way to edit video on the Mac, so I may play around and re-upload a different version sometime tomorrow as I try to tweak settings to get a better-quality video clip. (Basically, it’s a question of which settings to use where while converting/exporting video. There are a lot of options, so I’m trying to determine what’s a reasonable set to use.)
I know I haven’t posted for a few days, so I figured I’d send out a few minor updates.
First, this past Monday, I performed in The Homo Show, a variety show put on by About Face Theatre. It was tons of fun and, although I was really nervous, it went well. I performed a piece based off this post, although with a more positive ending. I got lots of positive feedback (and apparently made one woman cry, which is a first for me…) so it charged me up as I work toward my December performance.
On a separate note, I’m typing this on a shiny new (old) Power Mac G5 – one of the more advanced pre-Intel Mac desktops. I’m still getting used to it and all its quirks… For example, I know “different” and “stupid” aren’t the same thing, but some of the Mac keyboard shortcuts are just flat out stupid. As far as I can see, there’s no rhyme or reason to why some shortcuts use Ctrl, some use Apple, and some use Option.
If anyone knows of any logic behind Apple’s shortcut choices, I’d love to hear about it…
Here’s part two of the Ares and Aphrodite solo performance piece I put up in November as part of Charged Bodies at Links Hall in Chicago. And, again, here’s the script, in case the audio is too poor to understand…
Thought people might enjoy seeing this…it’s, basically, the final version of the script I used for the solo performance from a couple weeks ago. Video is (hopefully) forthcoming.
GENERAL LIGHTING- CHILDHOOD GAMES
Run on as an airplane, get shot down, tumble down, look up at audience – coming on with that excited, child-energy
When I was young – I must have been 6 or 7 – I remember playing ‘make believe’ with a friend, running around in the park behind my house.
Have another moment of make-believe
I remember that, at some point in the make believe, I was captured by the bad guys -
Being captured
- and transformed into a girl. My friend had to rescue me! But ‘rescuing’ me didn’t mean ‘transforming me back into a boy,’ just ‘freeing me from the bad guys.’ I didn’t really want to be transformed back into a boy. And I remember it being important (for some pre-pubescent, gender-affirming reason) for me to be naked on the bed in my room, my penis tucked between my legs in a hairless V.
The first performance of the mentorship work was last night (the second and final performance is tonight) and I’m just all over the map right now.
The performance went really well – I feel like there was enough I know I can do better on tonight to have room for improvement, but I’m definitely happy with how it came out. And, likewise, excited to keep working with specific chunks of it as well as broader themes and issues it raised.
And a lot of people, including both my parents, came to see me, which was really great. Including a few people from the workshop, which really meant a lot – that’s been so core to my artistic development that having people whose opinion I really value say they liked the work was really moving.
I also was connected with the trans programing director (I’m probably getting that title wrong) from Toronto Pride who was, like, “I need your email address so we can talk about having you perform at the next Toronto Pride.”(!!!)
Which obviously meant I came home and gushed to G (we met up after her rehearsal got out) and then proceded to cry for a while…I think it came from having put so much of myself out there and having that sink in a bit, and just really not knowing how to handle praise. So it all sort of welled up in tears.
But tonight’s the last performance, and so then I can catch my breath (and, like, do laundry and go grocery shopping…) before I inevitably start working on stuff again!
-R
PS – I’ll post the script one of these days, when I get my head together…
The mentor from the solo performance project I’m involved in was back this week, and we (myself, the other two metnees, and the mentor) met again this week on Monday, Tuesday, and again today, as a sort of we’re-getting-close point between the July program and the November performance.
The week was incredibly helpful for me and let me push the sections I’ve been working on to toward where they need to be. Seeing everyone else’s work was also really helpful – I said to one of the other artists on the way out that I think we’ve all brought each other up to a higher level.
One of the hard things that I’ve been dealing with is how to process anger in the piece. The first section of this program, in July, surprised me in the anger I found around the transition. I don’t like thinking of myself as angry, or as having difficulty with the transition. I want to think about the transition as solely a positive thing.
So I’m trying to figure out how to deal with it when its not.
(But I’m not ending this post on a downer: the solo piece is still going really well!)
Today we focused more on stories from the body. We each had a big sheet of butcher paper and were told to draw the metaphors of our body. My ended up with a balloon head tied with string to balloon boobs and string arms, all attached to a weight keeping the balloons from floating away. Hanging from the weight was a bucket filled with perscription pill bottles, and at the crotch was a bunsen burner heating a thermometer to the bursting point. (Can you tell I have body and sexuality issues right now?)
We performed a semi-improvised piece based on an action. Mine was awkwardly rubbing my crotch, as if wiping something off your hand. The (general idea of the) text, with changes/additions/subtractions made on things I think would work better, didn’t work well, or I just forgot:
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