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By Rebecca, May 20, 2010 3:04 pm

The obligatory 'queer sexuality' symbol

A while back, beo_shaffer asked how I feel (sexually) about “people with non-binary gender [and] about other transsexuals?” I’ve been thinking a lot about it since then, and realized I don’t have a quick-and-easy answer. So I’m going to use this post to talk about beo’s question, but also to more broadly consider my own sexuality.

I identify as a lesbian. And I think, to some extent, that means I’m saying that binary genders are important to me sexually. Or, at the very least, that I perceive people within binary gender categories, even though politically I don’t think we should see people that way and it’s something I’ve tried to overcome when I notice myself doing it.

At the same time, I do find the idea of penetration to be a turn on. I know penetration is not an inherently heterosexual act, but I’ve been exposed to 25+ years of heteronormative culture and I do associate the two to some extent. While I’m coming to understand a much wider (and healthier) concept of sexuality – one not so penis-in-vagina-centric – most erotica I’ve read has been heterosexual. Mainly because I can’t find reliably good lesbian erotica. (Suggestions welcome!) And while I’ve never found a specific man to be attractive, the theoretical idea of being with a man sexually is interesting to me. (Probably due in no small part to the copious amounts of erotica I’ve read over the years…)

To put it another way, I feel like I’d probably be a five on the Kinsey Scale – I could imagine having fun in a heterosexual sexual experience, but it’s not what primarily ‘does it’ for me.

Continue reading 'Sex and sensibility: thinking about attraction'»

Comments (3)

By Rebecca, September 7, 2008 10:19 pm

As I’ve said before, I know that my relationship effects people other than myself. Likewise, I don’t think it’s a stretch to use the word ‘transition’ for what other people go through. That is, they also go through a (perhaps less literal) transition in terms of how they interact with me, think of me, etc. And I’m pretty sure I’ve thought about a lot of the ways those transitions will effect me – how my relationship with my family will change, how things at work will be different when I start using R instead of J, how teaching at the Workshop will be different (and how making the transition there will be), and so on.

What I guess I hadn’t thought a lot about was presenting a homosexual relationship to the world when I’m out with G versus presenting a heterosexual relationship. And, based on the interactions I’ve had with people lately, how I’m dressed and the angle people see me at can push me into either ‘male’ or ‘female’ in their mind.

In a heterosexual relationship, there’s no question of whether we’re ‘allowed’ to be out together, or display affection in public, or dance together; of course straight couples are allowed to do those things.

In a homosexual relationship, even in a liberal city like Chicago, there conceivably could be a question of whether two women are ‘allowed’ to be out together, or display affection in public, or dance together; it’s not a given no one will have a problem with us.

Continue reading 'Being in a (homo/hetero-sexual) relationship and male privledge'»