Comments (1)

By Rebecca, March 9, 2011 6:43 pm

Cross-posted at The Center for Classic Theatre Review, an online literary review of Court Theatre in Chicago.

As a transgender woman, I’ve read a lot of trans fiction. Stories about magical transformations, mutations which cause gender shifts, mind-transfer rays, nanotechnology, forced feminization, sexual domination. You name a way someone could possibly transform from a man to a woman, and some author on some website has probably beaten you to it. And I’ve probably read it: the full range of stories, from enthusiastic transitions of  willing participants to subjugation and rape.

When there is no one like you on TV, when pornography depicts “your kind” as a freak and a fetish item, when your story is absent from books and movies, you make do with what you can. Not all of the stories I’ve read were well-written. Not all of them cast trans people in a positive light, let alone a realistic one. But that hunger to find ourself in the world exists in all of us. Finding our own identity in stories certainly isn’t the only reason we read, tell stories, watch movies, see plays. But it’s a big one, the desire to find that resonance of ourself in someone else’s tale.

Continue reading 'Is ‘Orlando: A Biography’ Trans Fiction?'»

Comments (2)

By Rebecca, January 27, 2011 2:43 pm

This came to me after reading a story about a genie. (Obviously.) My nit-pick concern is how to deal with tenses, as I sort of go back and forth between present and past – any suggestions would be appreciated. Also not sure if this story is worth continuing, since its original goal was teasing out my own issues. Shocking, I know. Anyway, thoughts on whether you’d like to see more would also be appreciated.

“I don’t understand.” I’d gotten the lamp as a lark, at a local thrift store. It was nothing impressive: tarnished metal, battered in a few places, curving upward into a classic “genie’s lamp” spout. I figured I would put it on a shelf, next to my LEGO Star Wars scene and Happy Meal toys of Robin Hood and Peter Pan. An interesting conversation piece, right? Something amusing and unusual, to prompt a laugh from guests and a distraction for me when I should be working. No one ever expects to find themselves in the middle of a fairy tale, the middle of 1001 Arabian Nights. You think about it, sure. Ask your friends, have late night discussions about what you would do with those three wishes. You never expect it to happen.

“I believe your culture is full of stories about genies, Master. Jinn, Ifrit, whatever you wish me to be called.” The jinni spoke with an androgynous voice, emanating from a smokey body, not clearly male or female. In true fairy tale fashion, the incense-like smoke originated from the lamp and spread upwards into an unreasonably solid-looking cloud. The smoke continued to pour out, but hadn’t expanded past the jinni’s “body” or filled the room; the only smell was a subtle hint of something floral, impossible to pin down. When the jinni spoke, the cloud around its face swirled, and subtle puffs of smoke emerged out from where its mouth would be, like breathing out on a cold day. “What is it that you do not understand? As the one who freed me from the prison of Solomon’s seal, you are entitled to three wishes, delivered to the best of my ability. A superficial read of your thoughts indicates you already understand the general guidelines from countless tales of fiction: no taking of life, no returning of life from beyond the veil, no wishing for additional wishes. There are more esoteric rules, but I will appraise you of those if and when you encounter them. For all that, you are entitled to three wishes, Master.” I could hear the capital ‘M.’

How do you decide on what to wish for, when wishing for what you always wanted would erase and rewrite your entire life?

Continue reading 'Three wishes'»

Comments (0)

By Rebecca, June 16, 2010 3:42 am

A partially obscured shot of a female face. How original for a book dealing with a trans character...

I just finished reading Almost Perfect, a young adult novel about a high school senior, Logan, who falls for a girl, Sage, that he eventually learns is trans. It’s well-written and believable, told from the first-person perspective of Logan, and does a good job of being injecting humor without being light or unrealistic. As someone who is a trans fiction aficionado, it was very refreshing to find a trans main character in a book that isn’t sensationalist or belittling. Or overly optimistic and picture-perfect.

There will be spoilers beyond this point, so consider yourself warned. If you’re looking for a recommendation, I would definitely recommend Almost Perfect. But a title like that should tell you that it has an ending which is – at best – bittersweet.

Continue reading 'Review: Almost Perfect'»

Comments (1)

By Rebecca, April 9, 2010 4:19 am

For the last week or so, I’ve been making my way through Angharad’s epic piece of trans fiction, Easy as Falling off a Bike. It follows the tale of Cathy, a trans woman in her early twenties, as she’s pushed toward transitioning, love, and, well, I’ll let the author describe it:

Stella, someone who could get women drivers a bad name, literally knocks Charlie off his expensive racing bike. She discovers that Charlie, a research field biologist, has a secret. He’s gearing up to transition as a woman, only he’s too frightened to do it. Stella takes control and her brother, Simon not only fancies ‘Cathy’ but falls in love with her.

Follow the mayhem, as this romantic and at times adventure story rambles all over the place as they pursue their lives. Keep the tissues handy, it has pathos, humour and real life, as Cathy deals with the triumphs and tribulations of being a woman.

Continue reading 'Trans fiction: Easy as Falling off a Bike'»

Comments (13)

By Rebecca, February 11, 2010 9:17 pm

I’ve been reading a lot this past week, trying to find a way to enjoy myself without simply sitting in front of a TV. To that end, I’ve been surrounding myself with good ‘escapism’ books, and figured I’d share.

Good Omens was the first thing I read this past week, It’s a hilarious book about the appocalypse, co-written by Neil Gaiman (of Sandman fame) and Terry Pratchett (of Discworld fame). It really successfully combines Gaiman’s skill at exploring and probing mythic tales with Pratchett’s irreverent humor.

I’m now reading the first book of The Mysterious Benedict Society series. It’s a fun young adult novel about a group of orphans who are recruited by the mysterious Mr. Benedict to help save the world from Ledroptha Curtain. Again, a fun book to read, and one where I know that everything will turn out alright regardless of the characters’ current predicament.

When I’m finish with Benedict, I think I’m going to reread some Heinlein, starting with Time Enough For Love. I fully admit Heinlein swings back and forth between being an advocate of gender equality and a shameless misogynist, but I still really enjoy his books; they take me back to being a teenager, but in a satisfying way somehow.

After that? I’m not sure. I may reread the Clan of the Cave Bear series. Without a doubt, a ridiculous and highly romanticized series, but another set of books I think I’ll enjoy without having to think too much.

How about y’all? What books must I read? What are some of your favorite books, escapist or otherwise?

Comments (0)

By Rebecca, April 1, 2009 11:20 pm

This is a work of fiction.

creak-creak.
Creak-Creak.
CREAK-CREAK!
(Gasp!) (Moan!)

I turned down the volume on my computer and looked at the wall as if I could see through it. I then regretted that thought, as what lay on the other side was obvious. More to the point, with the way my desk and Heather’s bed are configured, I’d get a feet-first view of Mark (Heather’s boyfriend) pumping away industriously. I obviously didn’t care that they were having sex, although a part of me couldn’t help but wonder why anyone else should be getting any when I sure as hell wasn’t, and they weren’t even being particularly loud. Unfortunately, our rooms have a linking door (a holdover from design decisions neither I, my roommates, or our landlords entirely understand) and the thin wood of the door did little to muffle any sounds.

I sighed. The irony was, Heather and I had had a conversation just days earlier about whether I could hear her having sex. I had said that I couldn’t, which had been true at the time but was no longer the case. How do you handle situations like these? As I said, it wasn’t an issue of wanting them to stop having sex in general, just that I don’t have enough of a voyeur in me to enjoy listening in on two friends having sex. Particularly when I know there’s no chance I’ll be invited to participate, and particularly if I’m sober.

I got up, walked down the hall to John’s room, and knocked. “Can I come in?”

Continue reading 'Root for the home team'»

Comments (2)

By Rebecca, March 18, 2009 9:45 pm

Gaiman recently appeared on Colbert (who I also heart, except when he’s being transphobic) and talked about his most recent book and about how it’s OK to have dark children’s literature. I’m a huge Gaimen fan, and love watching him interact with Colbert (and, near the end, geeking out about Lord of the Rings):

Comments (0)

By Rebecca, September 8, 2008 8:53 pm

(Where we last left off…)

Apogonos tried to put the dream out of his mind, but it haunted him and stalked him, day in and day out. He thought about it constantly. What would his life be like had be been born a girl? He thought about long hair and short, pierced ears and bare, he thought about bodies and curves and hair and muscle and fat, and he thought about himself, and who he wanted to be.

For the next ten years, those questions were never far from his mind. At the same time, he felt plagued by inaction – miserable as a prisoner in a body he did not want, and yet terrified of what giving voice to that desire might do. He told friends, who accepted his statements at face value but could offer no real advice or guidance. He told his parents, who smiled and nodded and, with great love, had no idea what to do about it or how to handle what their son was saying. He told the gods, who looked down in silence.

At last, at twenty, when he was supposed to be a man (and yet we know how often, at twenty, we are still but children) he set off on a journey to find his own path. The dream, now ten years past, continued to haunt his mind and he was unable to find a moment of peace or relief from its haunting message. Apogonos knew from years of pain that there was no help to be found in the town of his birth so with a pack and a farwell, he walked away from all he knew.

The road that ran parallel to the large inland lake near his home was well-traveled and safe. Periodically, he would catch a hint of blue from between the tree branches and see the sun shine off the surface of thr water. He walked for many days, occasionally passing fellow travelors or carts of trade goods, sleeping in a tent or – more often – under the stars.The time alone was time to think, but only solidified that which he already knew: He would find a way to recitfy Ares’ festering wound and deliver himself from manhood, or he would deliver himself to Hades and let the Lord of the Underworld deal with him as he would.

“You’re going to kill yourself? How melodramatic.”

In the years since his dream, and particularly in the years since puberty, Apogonos had developed an inner voice who conversed with him in the tone of a woman about his age. He thought of her – when he thought of her at all; her existance embarassed him to no end – as who he should have been. Who he would be, or die trying.

“Be quiet. I’m not going to kill myself. But I can’t live like this. You know that.” And she did, for she was him.

“Then do something about it. Let me be you instead of just yelling at you. Stop dancing around what you want and reach out to grab it!”

“I don’t know how!” And, as he had many times before, Apogonos wept himself to sleep.

Comments (3)

By Rebecca, September 8, 2008 8:00 pm

Edit, 3/28/09 – I’m attempting to organize my thoughts on trans fiction here. That page contains links to all of the blog posts I’ve written on the subject, as well as a (growing) collection of links to sites focusing on trans fiction, and particular trans-themed authors/stories I like.

In How do you transition (a followup) I talked about removing some authors and sites from my bookmark folder of trans-related fiction because I thought it wasn’t making me feel better about life and about myself. I’ve realized since then that I was a bit unfair, and wanted to respond to myself and re-update my list.

In general, I stand by my statement that, for me, forced-feminization stories are feeding a desire to have someone else take control of my transition and do it for me. As such, for me, I don’t think they’re the best thing I can be reading. (This is intentionally not a commentary on why the authors write such stories – not my place to guess – and what other people get out of them – their business, not mine.)

However, I do think some of the authors I removed do have good work, and deserve better than I gave them originally. And so, a revised list. (I’m ignoring non-trans-themed work, as reading trashy Buffy fanfic might not be good for you, but not really for the reasons I want to focus on…)

Continue reading 'Even more trans fiction'»

Comments (0)

By Rebecca, August 30, 2008 6:17 pm

I saw a few people were viewing this blog via searching for Whateley Academy fiction and reading the post I wrote about what trans-related fiction I was going to keep and what I was going to toss. Looking over the authors I noted, I first want to apologize if any of them are viewing the blog and seeing I chose to toss their work. (Eek!) I certainly hope that’s not the case.

I also think I was unfair to some of their work and/or its effect on me. I realized when looking over that post that I reread a lot of the things I said I was going to ‘toss.’ I think part of that has to do with my feeling worse due to hormone levels – when I’m feeling like I’m ‘backsliding’ with the transition there’s more of a desire to access a fictional world of someone who (by choice or not) moving forward with a transition. I think I’ve already touched on why that’s been true for me in the past, and think those same reasons hold true now.

Hopefully the hormones will be going back up in a few weeks and I’ll feel less of a desire to read some of the stuff I mentioned, but I also want to go back through and note a few places I was just wrong – where the fiction was better than I was (in my somewhat down mood) giving it credit.

-R