My last post discussed some of the hard emotions I’ve been dealing with, but not as much how I’m trying to get away from ‘em or move past ‘em. After talking with my therapist and my doctor this past week, we came up with some tactics for getting to a better place.
One of the things my (awesome) doctor mentioned was the fact I’m really hard on myself. (No shocker there.) And that I don’t easily accept compliments. (Also, something I knew.) But he extracted some history from those ideas in a way that hadn’t occurred to me. One of the big things he said, which I’ve thought about before but never quite this explicit way, is I’ve trained myself to dismiss compliments because for so long they were at least partially false: “Oh, you’re handsome,” “You’re such a strong boy,” whatever. But I’ve trained myself to not only to dismiss compliments, but to feel that they were lies because the person giving the compliment couldn’t possibly see the ‘real’ me. Well, now that I’ve transitioned, that’s no longer true. So I need to unlearn that. Most of the tactics we discussed deal, at their core, with being nicer to myself and more open to accepting positive energy both from myself and from others.
Continue reading 'Assignments for mental health'»
Two weeks ago, I went to a new doctor. I like him a lot, and he’s very trans-friendly. To make sure everything was OK, we did some blood work. There was no reason to suspect anything was wrong (and nothing major was wrong) he just wanted to get base levels, and I wanted to get STD testing done since it’s been over a year since I was last tested.
Good news first: No HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or syphilis. Huzzah! (Again, I had no reason to suspect I was carrying any of those, but it’s nice to be told “You’re not sick.”)
I also feel pretty good about my cholesterol. Historically, my overall levels have been fine, but my HDL (‘good’ cholesterol) has been low and my LDL (‘bad’ cholesterol) has been high. Like, way high. It’s supposed to be under 100 units per whatever (I have no idea, honestly), and mine has historically been near 200. And my HDL has usually been in the 20s, when it’s supposed to be above 40. But today, my LDL was 101 and HDL was 41! Not amazing, sure, but it’s awesome that my relatively moderate dietary changes, coupling with exercising more, have paid off.
Much more interesting, however, were my hormone levels.
Continue reading 'Blood-work results'»
I’ve been thinking about privilege lately. As someone who grew up white, middle class, and (presenting to the world as) male, I’ve been near the top of the ‘privilege’ heap. I’m (culturally) Jewish, which certainly wouldn’t win me fans in all circles but hasn’t (to my knowledge) made me the subject of discrimination so far in my life. Moving through the world as said WMCM, I’ve learned to expect all of the privileges afforded to me as such. (WMCM = white, middle-class, male…doesn’t have quit the same ring as JAP or WASP, but what are you gonna do…I’m open to more witty suggestions if anyone has some.) I don’t think I’ve ever tried to claim undo privilege, ad I certainly hope that I haven’t, but I’ve read enough feminist, queer, and race theory to know that I’ve received the benefits of my WMCM privilege whether I’ve intended to or not.
Ceder over at Taking Up Too Much Space has come up with a Cis Privilege Checklist, having been inspired by Peggy McIntosh’s White Privilege Checklist. Both lists are woth taking a look at, because no matter who you are you either are the recipient of such privilege, or denied such privilege by virtue of not bing cis or white. But the lists are particularly interesting to go through from the perspective of figuring out how many privileges have been denied because of your non-cis or non-white status. (Interesting and depressing, but interesting nontheless.)
Continue reading 'Privilege'»
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