Today was my first day at work as R and, all in all, the experience was sort of surreal. It didn’t help that I had a bad time getting to sleep last night (though I slept fine once I was asleep) and I had a lot of stuff to get through today (including fighting with the Internet at the office for two hours).
Basically, I think it was the experience of having something that’s been so private and so personal for my entire life suddenly become something that’s not only very public but (fortunately) not really a big deal to the people around me. That is, they’re supportive and they care because it’s important to me, but don’t care because it’s ‘weird’ or anything.
I’m also aware that it wasn’t really suddenly, since I’ve been out to most of these people for months and going by R today was the result of a gradual process and conversation. But still…it felt pretty damn sudden.
I mean, shit…I’m living full time now. I will now be spending more of my time interacting with the world as R than not!
Aaaand now I’ve gotten myself in a panic because I hadn’t thought about things in those terms before. Ah, good…
I should go play some Rock Band 2 that I just bought! Rock on!
-R
Here’s the coming-out letter that, with slight modifications, went out to the parents of my highschool class, the board of directors, and the rest of the teaching staff:
To the parents of [the class],
We want to make you aware one of our instructors had a conversation with [the class] members today where she explained she identifies as transgender. In general, transgender means people whose physical genders do not align with how they see themselves. Specifically, this means that R, who previously used the name J, identifies as a woman, not as a man. In addition, she is transitioning, which means she is moving from presenting herself and interacting with the world as a man to doing so as a woman.
Continue reading 'Coming out letter to parents'»
Coming out to my highschool class ended up going pretty well. The board member liaison and I hashed out language for the email and letter going to parents, which included (basically) the following bathroom language:
We are sure some of you are curious about the restrooms facilities at our building, and we would like to reassure you that there are both public and private restrooms available.
Basically, this was a compromise to not explicitly indicate that I’d be using a private bathroom (I won’t be) but to let parents think that if they want, and let them tell their kids to use the private bathroom if need be. I still didn’t like it, but was willing to agree to it in the interest of diplomacy and compromise.
Continue reading 'One down, oh-so-many to go…'»
The previous post mentions this, but I’m sort of getting tired of how much the ‘bathroom issue’ has been discussed at work. Specifically, at the Workshop, where I interact with minors, with children, a member of the board has (grudgingly) backed down about addressing the ‘bathroom issue’ in an email out to parents but did say “We know we will be receiving calls about all kinds of issues but believe the most pressing will be in regards to the rest rooms. Pls advise how you would prefer this question be answered.”
I’m also getting tired of avoiding the issue – “this question”? If she’s worried parents are going to call in about a pervert in the bathrooms with their darling little angels then fucking say so.
-R
EDIT: I’ve been sitting at the computer for 20 minutes trying to figure out how to respond to the email and I’m just at the end of my rope. I was originally trying to come up with multiple answers based on whether or not the inquery was polite, but now I’m just saying this:
For the bathroom issue, or any pressing personal question, I imagine the ideal response would be “Illinois state law forbids me from asking that question of Rebecca, but she’s been at the Workshop for fifteen years and has our complete support. More to the point, we would never employ any teacher who we did not trust or who would put any of our students in any potential danger.”
It’s slightly blunt, but I’m sort of done playing beat-around-the-bush. I’m so amazingly not comfortable answering questions about bathroom use, I’m not legally obligated to do so, and I don’t think I’m morally obligated easier. Yes, it might make some parents feel better, but there’s a limit to how far I’m willing to bend over backwards and I think I’ve been damn well accomodating thus far.
Thought people might enjoy seeing this…it’s, basically, the final version of the script I used for the solo performance from a couple weeks ago. Video is (hopefully) forthcoming.
GENERAL LIGHTING - CHILDHOOD GAMES
Run on as an airplane, get shot down, tumble down, look up at audience – coming on with that excited, child-energy
When I was young – I must have been 6 or 7 – I remember playing ‘make believe’ with a friend, running around in the park behind my house.
Have another moment of make-believe
I remember that, at some point in the make believe, I was captured by the bad guys -
Being captured
- and transformed into a girl. My friend had to rescue me! But ‘rescuing’ me didn’t mean ‘transforming me back into a boy,’ just ‘freeing me from the bad guys.’ I didn’t really want to be transformed back into a boy. And I remember it being important (for some pre-pubescent, gender-affirming reason) for me to be naked on the bed in my room, my penis tucked between my legs in a hairless V.
Continue reading 'Ares and Aphrodite script'»
coming out, emotion, fiction, scripts, theatre, transitioning
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aphrodite, ares, coming out, emotions, myth, performance, script, theatre, transitioning
I’ve been thinking about transitioning at work. I’m out to everyone where I work, but the situation is made slightly more complicated because I work full time in one office which is down the hall from the office running the organization where I teach part time, both of which are in a building filled with other offices of people I’m on a first-name basis with.
I’ve been talking with the teacher I’m assisting at the Workshop, SB, about coming out to our high school class, which we both think will be smooth because they’re pretty awesome. As part of that process, I talked with the artistic director of the Workshop for a while today, JG, and she basically said, “We support you 100%, so lets figure out the best/smoothest way to do this.”
Continue reading 'Transitioning at work'»
As I think I’ve mentioned before, I’ve kind of had a tense relationship with my mom this summer. I think it’s a combination of the hormones and living together for the first time in a year, but knowing its source isn’t super-helpful when neither can be addressed for another couple weeks. Booo.
My mom has been meeting with a group of parents of trans children (I believe all mothers, but I could be wrong) which seems to have been really helpful for her processing my transitioning. However, one mom – the organizer and sort of glue of the group – is a very ‘out’ mom, in that she’s not shy about talking about her ‘trans son’ regardless of whether or not its strictly relevant. (In all fairness, this is the impression I’ve gotten from my mom, as I haven’t actually met this woman.)
(For background, I believe it’s the same woman who, when she and her husband and my parents went out to dinner, prompted my dad to be somewhat blunt. He said that she was talking about her ‘trans son this’ and ‘trans son that’ and he (my dad) said that it’s great she’s so embracing of her son, but would she talk about her ‘adopted son this’ and ‘adopted son that’ if it wasn’t actually related? Now, I wasn’t there and know I have a lot of issues with my dad right now, but I tend to side with him on this one: I certainly hope to live my life as an out and proud trans woman, but also don’t want my status as trans to be viewed as my key identifying feature or trait.)
My mom recently gave me a copy of a letter this woman sent out to her friends and family, talking about her son’s transition. It is basically a coming out letter, but written from the mom’s perspective and for those in the mom’s life. My mom has said she’s interested in doing something similar, and I’ve pointedly avoided talking about it with her because it makes me really uncomfortable.
Continue reading 'Of Moms and Molehills'»
I recently came out to the teachers, the board, and my highschool student’s parents at the Workshop and the board and teachers at my full-time job. Here are some of the responses I’ve received…
From a parent who, honestly, I was worried would be a problem:
Please forward to R:
You have our support and and respect and we wish you well on your journey. You are a very brave person and we thank you for all you have taught our children about theater and about life. We teach our children to embrace everyone and to always be true to theirselves. Have a great holiday season. Sending you tons of support….
The X Family
From a fellow teacher:
Rock on, R!
I am honored to know you, R! You are the first person of my acquaintance to transition, and I am in awe of the courage and commitment to self your transitioning represents.
Continue reading 'Responses to coming out'»
- Not that it’s any of your business, but…
- BIG! EXCITING! GOSSIP! Listen to THIS!
- If one person comes out to you this holiday season, let it be via this email
Any other thoughts?
-R
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