I’m not yet myself
In my upcoming show, I stage something along the lines of the dialogue from this post:
I don’t do it as often anymore, but I used to have conversations in my head between myself and Rebecca, who was not yet “myself.”
My conversations would usually start when I was feeling particularly stupid, or sad, or masculine. She’d start, this Rebecca that I imagined myself as in some alternate universe, speaking to me across the barrier which separated our realities: “You’re never going to be happy if you keep on like this.”
The section was well-received at the work-in-progress showing, but I realized that the audience was watching a very different scene than I thought I was portraying. The response I got from the friends who were at the showing was, “There’s a great dramatic irony to that scene, because obviously Rebecca ‘wins.’ You did transition, and you’re no longer who you were.”
But my emotional connection with the scene is very different.

