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By Rebecca, January 23, 2012 10:21 am

She can't even read that! It's facing away from her! Stop looking so shocked!

I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine, Rose, about pornography and acting. She is involved in the sex industry, has worked as a prostitute and escort, and occasionally does both photographic and film pornography. She mentioned she’d recently finished a shoot where she had earned more in five hours than I’ve yet to earn in all of January.

Curious about her experiences, I asked what being in porn was like. Specifically, whether she viewed it as a sexual experience or a ‘this is an action I’m doing because I’m getting paid’ experience. Rose said that it was the latter: really not much more enjoyable than serving coffee or collating copies, just quite a bit more lucrative.

The conversation got me thinking about what we – as audience members – ask of actors. Because going to a play almost always involves some suspension of disbelief.  Perhaps Chicago’s Neofuturists toe the line  of theatre which requires no suspension of disbelief, but they’re in the minority. For the most part, going to a show involves allowing ourselves to believe that the actors are their characters. That they’re falling in love, planning for battle, forging alliances, destroying relationships, and on and on and on. When I go to a play I could sit there the entire time thinking, “Well, she’s not really in love with him. He doesn’t really find what she says so funny as to laugh out loud.” But that would make me miserable, so I suspend my disbelief and allow their actions to read as true.

That’s not how viewing porn seems to work, however. For whatever reason, audiences want to believe the people they’re watching are really attracted to each other (even if only on a physical level) and do reach a real, satisfying, climactic (natch) orgasm.

Why is that?

Continue reading 'What do we ask of actors? What about in porn?'»

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By Rebecca, January 16, 2012 12:34 pm

After reading about surgery exclusions and Girl Scout Laws and bigotry and narrowmindedness and the like, I realized I feel some amount of obligation to apologize for my body. For being trans. For having a penis and breasts. So I’ll do that now. Get it out of the way and off my chest, so to speak.

On behalf of myself, and on behalf of all non-normatively-gendered individuals, I apologize. I am sorry for being confusing. For being scary. For being strange. For being icky. I am sorry for raising awkward questions about what female and male means. I am sorry for not fitting into one box or the other. I’m sorry for questioning the need for boxes at all. I’m sorry for androgyny and ambiguity and flexibility and spectra and rainbows of infinite possibilities.

I’m sorry for my body. I’m sorry for having breasts that are the result of orally-taken hormones and not of gonadally produced hormones. For having skin that is smooth due to those hormones and thousands of dollars of hair removal. I’m sorry for having a penis between my legs, being able to pee standing up, being an outie instead of an innie. I’m sorry shopping is such a chore, that I can’t wear those yoga pants or that ever-so-cute dress without tucking my cock up between my legs and securing it with medical tape, I’m sorry my boobs are nice and perky because they came in at 23 instead of 13. I’m sorry for my physical strength, something I’ll always doubt it’s from working out and assume it was from the testosterone coursing through my system for twenty-plus years. I’m sorry for my wide shoulders, my big feet, my hairy toes. I’m sorry for my occasionally ambiguous voice, for still occasionally getting “sir”ed on the phone, for causing double-takes.  Continue reading 'I am so very sorry'»

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By Rebecca, January 4, 2012 5:12 pm

Yum!

Way back September, I won a gift package from Early to Bed as part of their anniversary giveaway. Since I’ve been making such good use of my prizes, I figured I should share the love with all of you. The best part of the prize pack was undoubtedly the rechargable Vibratex Mystic Wand. Now i realize it looks a whole lot like the Luxe Magic Massager I reviewed back in 2010. And the general size and form factor are about the same. But where the Luxe was a poor-quality, loud, non-silicone, un-sexy toy, the Mystic Wand is awesome.

Lets start with build quality. The Mystic Wand has a removable silicone head, which allows for better cleaning and for the head to be replaced with other attachments that Vibratex makes. EDIT: I misread something somewhere. The rechargeable Mystic Wand does not have a removable anything. That said, it’s all silicone so easily cleaned with soap-and-water. END EDIT. The head is firmly attached to the body by a flexy-bendy neck, giving good control without feeling like the vibrating part is going to snap off. The body is coated with what feels like the same silicone as the head, but I’m not positive enough to want to stick it in my body. But you wouldn’t want to, so no worries.

The body is easy to hold, and feels well-made and not too heavy. There are two buttons – one to turn on and one to cycle through the 6 different vibration patterns: three that are a solid vibration at various strengths, and three that are different patterns of on and off. There’s also a blue light, which is a little bright, but I’m not looking at it while I’m using it… The version I got is rechargeable, and there’s a little rubber nub at the bottom to cover the charging port. Vibratex says it’s “splash resistent,” but I’m not going to risk trying it in the shower. It does feel pretty watertight, though. All in all, it feels like a good piece of equipment in ways the similarly-shaped Luxe never did.

Continue reading 'Review: Vibratex Mystic Wand'»

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By Rebecca, December 12, 2011 1:34 pm

No one looks like they're enjoying this situation, to be honest

In Which A Question Is Asked

What does it mean to be a sexual trans person? A sexual trans woman?

Sidenote: I’m looking for my copy of Fucking Trans Women, an awesome e-zine available at http://fuckingtranswomen.com/. I know I bought and downloaded it, but am having trouble finding it. I emailed the site owners, tho, and hopefully they’ll be willing to send me another copy. At the very worst, I can spare another $5 for their great project.

Back on topic, I think being trans and sexual is tough for me (gonna try to use ‘I’ statements in this post, and not make generalizations) in part due to the huge variety of mixed messages I’ve received over the last 27 years. I’m sure I’m missing some categories, but here’s what I’ve come up with:

• Messages about male sexuality, even though I didn’t identify as male
• Messages about female sexuality, which I picked up even though I wasn’t yet presenting as female
• Messages about heterosexual sexuality, mainly from when I was presenting as a straight male
• Messages about queer sexuality, both before and after I came out
• Messages about specifically lesbian sexuality, again from both before and after I came out
• And last-but-never-least, messages about specifically trans sexuality, limited primarily to ‘chicks with dicks’ and ‘she-male’ porn

Continue reading 'Sex, sexuality, and surgery'»

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By Rebecca, November 7, 2011 3:12 pm

A while back, I was able to participate in workshops around Jaclyn Friedman’s creation of her latest book, What You Really Really Want. The book has been released (WOO!) :  and this post is a stop in Jaclyn’s blog tour. The full title of WYRRW is What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety. Be sure to check out her next stop tomorrow at Tiger Beatdown.

REBECCA KLING: For how long has this book been bouncing around in your mind? In the introduction to WYRRW, you talk about an interview surrounding the release of Yes Means Yes (released in 2008) which you co-edited with Jessica Valenti. In that interview, a reporter asked how women are supposed “to figure out what we want to say ‘yes’ to in the first place.” Would you place the creation of this book around that time, or further back?

JACLYN FRIEDMAN: That was definitely the question that first planted the seed. Honestly, I didn’t give a very complete answer at the time. I think I said, basically, you have to try things, and follow your intuition as to which things to try and who to try them with, and then learn from your experiments. And that it had taken me, personally, a long time to figure things out, and that in some ways I still was, and might always be. Which I still stand by, but is wildly oversimple. And then when I started hearing it over and over from different women as I toured for Yes Means Yes, I realized that I had a lot to share about what I’d learned along my own sexual journey, through personal experience, reading and talking with other people, all kinds of things. That’s when I realized that the answer to this crucial, recurring question was really a book.

RK: WYRRW is by no means aimed exclusively at young women, but throughout the book you discuss the cultural messages aimed at young women. How has what you “really really want” when it comes to sex changed from when you were growing up to now?

JF: I long ago stopped faking orgasms, so that’s a big change! In a funny way, I behave less “certainly” in my sexual interactions now than I did when I was first dipping my toe in those waters. Back then, I thought I needed to be “good at” sex in order to please my partners – and as much as I enjoyed sex when I was younger (and I really did, that’s for sure), I was heavily invested in pleasing at the expense of my own satisfaction. In some ways, I got lucky — my early sexual partners were decent people who also cared about pleasing, and honestly, everything about sex was so exciting then that I was getting a lot out of it without having to do much self-centering or self-reflection. But I’ve also just stopped caring so much about being magically, seamlessly “good” at sex, because I’ve learned two key things. The first is that that’s a meaningless concept to begin with: everybody likes different things, so the only real way to be a good lover is to get better at communicating with your partner(s) about needs, desires, preferences and boundaries. It’s really all about learning how to pay attention to yourselves and each other. Well, and it’s all about the other big thing I’ve learned since then, which is that the experimentation and discovery that you can only enjoy if you come to sex clear that there aren’t “answers,” and even if there were, you don’t know them, that sense of playfulness and co-creation is one of the best parts of sex. I wouldn’t trade it for all the certainty in the world. Continue reading 'Interview with Jaclyn Friedman, author of What You Really Really Want'»

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By Rebecca, September 18, 2011 10:55 pm

Still working on that regular posting schedule. In the meantime, check out Early to Bed’s sex toy giveaway contest! Good luck!

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By Rebecca, April 20, 2011 3:32 pm

I use (well, used) Google Adwords on this site to bring in minuscule amounts of revenue. I’ve been thinking about ditching ‘em for a while, simply cuz they weren’t paying all that much, when I got an email from Google saying my account had been disabled on Fridaythang.com. Specifically:

Hello,

During a recent review of your account we found that you are currently
displaying Google ads in a manner that is not compliant with our program
policies
(https://www.google.com/support/adsense/bin/answer.py?answer=48182&stc=aspe-1pp-en).

————————————————–
EXAMPLE PAGE:
http://fridaythang.com/blog/2010/12/22/review-amante-remoted-controlled-vibrator/

Please note that this URL is an example and that the same violations may
exist on other pages of this website or other sites in your network.

VIOLATION(S) FOUND:

ADULT/SEXUAL AIDS and FETISHES: As stated in our program policies, AdSense
publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or
mature content. This includes any content that is sexual in intent or may
not be considered family-safe, such as sexual aids, devices and fetishes.
More information about this policy can be found in our help center
(https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=105957).

I’m in no way arguing the terms violation (although, ironically, Google’s help page isn’t working well in Chrome) I’m more annoyed that the policy exists at all.

Continue reading 'Google ads and SEX!'»

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By Rebecca, March 23, 2011 9:56 pm

Yes, the packaging is kinda stupid.

My last two sex toy reviews were, alas, of sub-par products. Too expensive, too loud, too battery-eating, too ridiculous. But at last, with the Bum Buddies Tease My Tush (hereafter referred to as the BB) I think we have a winner!

I gotta say, I was skeptical when the BB arrived at my doorstep. The name, the packaging, the color – none filled me with a sense of confidence. (Not that “confidence” is what a sex toy should fill you with, ifyouknowwhatimean.) But the MSRP, $16-18, isn’t too bad and – unlike some other toys I’ve tested – the front and back oft he packaging note that it’s made of silicone, is phthalate free, can be cleaned with soap and water and/or boiled and/or placed on the top rack of the dishwasher. (My roommates have yet to let me do that last one…)

So while the color and packaging were kinda silly, the actual information on the packaging was reassuring. Imagine that! And the package was easy to open!

The BB feels nice and silicone-y to the touch. You can see the small manufacturing seam running down the middle if you look, but it seems to be pretty well made and I wasn’t worried about it falling apart. Honestly, I was more worried about not feeling a thing, or having it slip out right away. But, thinking happy thoughts, I lubed up and got to work.

Continue reading 'Review: Bum Buddies ‘Tease My Tush’'»

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By Rebecca, March 22, 2011 8:55 pm

One of the many fabulous people I met in DC was Sadie, who writes over at The Distant Panic. We were chatting for a bit today online, and I was asking Sadie about her experience in porn. Specifically, I’ve thought a lot about how my experience in circus has made me more aware of how awesome a comfort in reclaiming and displaying one’s body can be. That has led me to seriously consider taking burlesque classes, for similar reasons of personal/physical empowerment[1]. I was also talking with her about a recent hookup with another trans woman, my first such experience[2]. She directed me to two of her posts, “The Best of Both Worlds”: My Submission to Fucking Trans Women #1 and Sex work is real work. Even if it *is* exploitation. Both are worth a serious read, I’d say for everyone but particularly for anyone who has felt society says their body isn’t (and shouldn’t be!) sexy.

[1] Burlesque classes are definitely something I want to do as soon as I have the time/money, I promise. No, really, this isn’t an excuse! I’m going to take the classes!

[2] I’m not (yet?) up for talking about that on this blog, beyond the fact that it happened with lots of enthusiastic consent, is not a long-term relationship, and was lots of fun. Questions about that single sentence of this entire post will not be appreciated. I’m not up for talking about in this public forum, please don’t ask. If you really are interested, email me (as specified on my About page) for the password to the previous post.