Yum!

Way back September, I won a gift package from Early to Bed as part of their anniversary giveaway. Since I’ve been making such good use of my prizes, I figured I should share the love with all of you. The best part of the prize pack was undoubtedly the rechargable Vibratex Mystic Wand. Now i realize it looks a whole lot like the Luxe Magic Massager I reviewed back in 2010. And the general size and form factor are about the same. But where the Luxe was a poor-quality, loud, non-silicone, un-sexy toy, the Mystic Wand is awesome.

Lets start with build quality. The Mystic Wand has a removable silicone head, which allows for better cleaning and for the head to be replaced with other attachments that Vibratex makes. EDIT: I misread something somewhere. The rechargeable Mystic Wand does not have a removable anything. That said, it’s all silicone so easily cleaned with soap-and-water. END EDIT. The head is firmly attached to the body by a flexy-bendy neck, giving good control without feeling like the vibrating part is going to snap off. The body is coated with what feels like the same silicone as the head, but I’m not positive enough to want to stick it in my body. But you wouldn’t want to, so no worries.

The body is easy to hold, and feels well-made and not too heavy. There are two buttons – one to turn on and one to cycle through the 6 different vibration patterns: three that are a solid vibration at various strengths, and three that are different patterns of on and off. There’s also a blue light, which is a little bright, but I’m not looking at it while I’m using it… The version I got is rechargeable, and there’s a little rubber nub at the bottom to cover the charging port. Vibratex says it’s “splash resistent,” but I’m not going to risk trying it in the shower. It does feel pretty watertight, though. All in all, it feels like a good piece of equipment in ways the similarly-shaped Luxe never did.

Not my hand...

But how does it feel? Quite good, thankyouverymuch. The different vibration options offered enough variety for me, without being overwhelming. I particularly liked the mnn-mnn-mnnnnn setting. It’s also quite enough that I didn’t feel like an airplane was taking off under my covers, or that my roommates were going to burst in at any moment to check why I had a blender in my room. The rechargeable batteries inside also last for quite a while. I’ve recharged it a few times since September, but with regular use I’m still not having to plug it in every week. Which is good, since it can’t be used while plugged in, a real bummer.  The battery compartment isn’t user-accessible, as far as I can tell, so hopefully whatever battery it has will last a good long while.

All in all, this has become my go-to toy. I haven’t had a chance to try it with anyone else, so this is all my opinion. But it’s a high opinion, and I’d definitely recommend this to anyone out there. Early to Bed doesn’t carry the rechargeable (yet?) but has the standard Mystic Wand for $60, and if you’re looking for a vibrator that isn’t also a dildo I say it’s a great buy.

I do like my pink one, though. The non-rechargeable colors just don’t do it for me. ::grin::

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Alas, my experience with the Amante Remote Control Egg wasn’t quite so exciting, but still provided good fun. Read on for the full review!

Pretty, aint it?

Unlike the Luxe Magic Massager, the Amante actually looks like something you might want to put near your genitals. It’s packaged in a nice, easy-to-open box, and comes with adequate instructions for use. Both the remote and the vibrator are pleasant to hold, and the vibrator itself is made of medical grade silicon, meaning it’s easier to clean and safe to use on your fun bits. The remote is molded plastic, nothing too impressive. All in all, my roommate described the set as “the Macbook of vibrators.” And, indeed, it really is a cute little product, not at all scary or intimidating.

The remote has two buttons, one for power and one to change the settings. There are seven settings, including different power levels, pulsations, and riseing-and-falling vibrations – there’s sure to be something you’ll like.

After extensive testing (meaning me and my roommate going to the opposite ends of the hall, holding the vibrator, and yelling “Is it still working?!”) we determined the range when the vibrator isn’t – ahem – inserted into anyone to be about twenty feet. Holding it under an armpit, to get some flesh between the vibrator and the remote, brought the range down closer to 10. Not overwhelming, but certainly enough to use in a public place.

Which brings me to the biggest question I got from friends when explaining my latest toy to review: “Why would you want a remote control vibrator?”

I think the video at the top of this post gives the best-case scenario: a remote control vibrator is intended to allow for public or semi-public sexual activities, ranging from restaurants (perhaps at the “most public” end of the scale) to walking the dog together or sitting on a front porch (at the “least public but still kinda public” end of things). You could even just use it at dinner, in the privacy of your own home, allowing for surprising your partner without embarassing them in public.

It's like the iPod of vibrators

But any of those require a certain kink, either exhibitionism on the part of the vibratee, or voyeurism on the part of the vibrator. For this specific toy, they also require a very specific vaginal anatomy.

See the tail on the vibrator? (The part that made my roommate squeal “It’s like a mouse!” when it vibrated in her hand?) That’s supposed to be left outside the body when the vibrator is inserted, for easy retrieval. Ignoring the fact that it feels like it’ll break (it didn’t, and I think it’s stronger than it seems) it means there’s no real control of where the vibrator goes, or where it vibrates, once it’s inside.

Whether or not you’re interested in exhibitionism or voyeurism, vibrating panties at least allow for centering the vibration over your clit. The partner I tried this with said that it was an interesting sensation while inside of her, but more like a vibrating tampon or weird tickling than anything particularly sexual. (I, on the other hand, must admit I had lots of fun making her jump by using the remote without first alerting her.)

That said, it actually worked alright for me – not having a vagina – by positioning it in my underwear right along my perineum. (That is to say, my taint.) And by “worked alright” I mean it did succeed in turning me on. It’d never get me off, but it was an interesting and fun sensation.

I did, however, put the ‘waterproof’ claim of this toy to a full test. It worked fine inside of my partner (wouldn’t be much use if it didn’t) but also survived a bubble bath with me, suffering no ill effects.

So who is this toy for?

I really want to recommend this toy for everyone. It’s the prettiest sex toy I own, by far, and seems to be the most well designed, too. In fact, the only functional aspect I have to complain about is the included batteries wore down really fast. But it comes with an $85 price tag… Which means if you’re simply looking for a waterproof vibrator, Early to Bed has lots, and for less than $85. Likewise for bullets, including a number of silicone toys. (Which, remember, are safer and easier to clean.) And the Amante isn’t an ideal bath toy because the remote itself isn’t waterproof. (Though I suppose you could put it in a ziplock bag or something, and hope for the best.) And it doesn’t provide ideal stimulation in its intended role, unless you know your vag is really sensitive to vibrations.

So, I ask again, who is this toy for?

This toy is for someone who knows they want an insert-able bullet vibrator that can be remotely controlled by their partner. For that (presumably small) population, the Amante absolutely could not be designed better. (Well, maybe the remote could be waterproof, but that’d probably drive up the price.) Is the Amante worth $85 to that population? I think so. Looking at comparably priced non-remote vibrators, the Amante seems to be in the same ballpark on features, design, and silicone safety. Would I recommend it to friends? No, unless they were sure they wanted it for its intended purpose. If they did, I’d recommend it without hesitation.

Thanks to Early to Bed for  the Amante, and happy sexing!

Luxe Magic Massager, in all is luxe-ious glory.

My first impression of the Luxe Magic Massager didn’t blow me away. The packaging is certainly functional, but the picture on the front is slightly out of focus and the back contains clinical language about not using on “inflamed areas or skin lacerations” and a 30-day warranty which requires sending in a $12 money order for processing. The back also says “SOLD AS A NOVELTY ONLY,” which means the manufacturer is able to dodge laws restricting the sale of sex toys but, more importantly, is able to dodge listing the contents of the product. (And, sure enough, while the Luxe is “Assembled in the U.S. with pride,” it was made in China.)

Indeed, e2b recommends basically any soft-material sex toy other than silicone be used with a condom. Alas, the Luxe doesn’t say this on the box, so I’m saying it now: if you’re using this (or any other “novelty” toy), or are unsure of the toy’s material, use a condom! I’ll be honest, I’m a little less worried about this particular toy, because it won’t be going inside me or used on any skin with porous membranes, but for anal play I only use toys with condoms or well-washed silicone. (And now I’ll get off my soap box and on to the actual review!)

The box itself contains the Luxe Magic Massager, two alternate heads, and nothing else. No suggestions for use, friendly tips, or instructions. This became an issue pretty quickly, because the battery compartment is fucking hard to get open. I like to think of myself as a pretty capable gal, but after about five minutes of struggling, I did the unthinkable: I asked my roommate for help. He laughed, asked if I was serious, and then was also unable to get the battery compartment open! (We were ultimately successful with a simultaneous ‘twist and pull’ method. Which, I’m told, is pretty good for some other activities in bed, too. Do with that information what you will.)

Pushing the top “pulsation” button lights up the first light and provides some serious vibration. I have to give Luxe a little credit – the box says it’s “the most powerful mini massager ever made” and it definitely packs a punch. Each push of the “pulsation” button provides a different “vibration pattern” and lights up the appropriate number. Except there’s no instructions anywhere on what each pattern is, so you have to sort of figure it out for yourself. Here’s what I found, using a modified Morse code. Key: “.” is a short pulse, “-” is a longer vibration, and a string of two or more dashes (“–” or “—” or so on) is even longer. These aren’t exact counts, just the general pattern.

1. - – - – - – - -
2. – — – — –
3. - – . ——-
4. – — . ——-
5. . . . . . . . . .
6. - – - – - – - – (a tiny bit shorter than the pulses on #1, but barely)
7. . . . . . —–
8. . . . . . . – —–
9. (A steady vibration, but with increasing and decreasing intensity)
10. - – —- ——-
11. - – . ——– (I can’t tell the between this and #3)
12. ————-

The Luxe also comes with three detachable heads, visible here:

Vibrator attachments, with lights visible

To be honest, the first thing I did after going through all the settings (and marking which was which) was put it on #12 and try it on my back and neck. To be honest, it felt good! It’s not a big “novelty toy,” but it really does vibrate strongly. (Admittedly, this is with new batteries. Dunno how they’ll last. ::shrug::) As a result of the strong vibration, this vibrator is NOT QUIET! Dunno if that matters to you (it doesn’t really to me) but keep it in mind. When I set it on my bed and listened from outside the room, I could hear it. (Though I couldn’t once it was under the covers and I had my air filter on.)

Other thoughts before diving in to actual sex toy use… The neck of the toy is flexible, which is nice. It’s not just a solid, rigid body. It’s a nice size, with easy to reach controls, and I don’t think they’re big enough to accidentally hit during use. The head with the proboscis looks hilarious when vibrating freely:

It looks like it’s allliiiiiivveeee!

So, half a dozen paragraphs into this review, I finally climbed into bed and gave it a try. I got myself a bit warmed up – so to speak – and grabbed the Luxe. As I said earlier, it’s loud. But it vibrates pretty strongly, much stronger than any of my other vibrators. To be honest, it was a little strong to put fully and directly on my penis. She’s been crazy sensitive lately (estrogen will do that) but using gentle pressure, so the full vibration wasn’t unleashed, was real yummy.

And, I have a confession to make: the different settings were really fun to play with. I went into this review assuming they were really stupid, and that there were too many for any practical use. I’m still not convinced this needed all twelve settings, but I’ve been experimenting with at least half of ‘em regularly. Specifically, I’ve enjoyed the surprise that comes with changing things up going from setting to setting. The long stretches were a bit much (as I said, strong vibration) but this vibrator will absolutely not let you fall into a boring pattern or be lulled into complacency.

Concerning the attachments, I didn’t make much use of ‘em. Since I felt overwhelmed applying strong, direct pressure with the Luxe, I didn’t find a huge difference between “rounded and rubbery” versus “ridged and rubbery” versus “alien proboscis.” Using the first two on my nipples did have a positive effect – the ridges were a fun sensation – but not enough to really enough to justify the attachments.

But all in all, I spent 3/4 of this review talking about everything but how the Luxe felt: packaging, “novelty items,” volume, Morse code. With a suggested retail price of $60, I think that’s a pretty poor ratio for how much background info I felt was useful to how fun the actual toy was. I think the Luxe Personal Massager would be pretty easy to recommend at $20. At $30, I’d say go for it if you like strong direct vibration, really want something battery operated, and are OK with a “novelty toy.” But $60 buys a lot of vibrators. Check out Early to Bed’s selection, with at least as many (if not more) under $60 as over. And I can’t really recommend you spend  your $60 on the Luxe Personal Massager.

Thanks again for Early to Bed for this review item, and be sure to check out their awesome selection of toys and more!

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So, as I said in part one, pre-hormone orgasms were pretty penis-focused, and cumming was never a particularly big deal. Yes, it was extremely enjoyable, but it was regular and consistent. I joked that getting off a healthy teenage boy shouldn’t exactly be difficult – little bit of friction, and you’re good to go.

Being on hormones has change that, though. Like some of the differences I talked about in part two, it’s a little difficult to describe what the exact changes are, but I’ll try.

First, orgasms – and getting to orgasms – feel more diffuse and spread out. I could cum just by playing with my penis, but I wouldn’t want to. And when I do cum I can feel it over my entire body. It’s kind of like I’ve talked about with emotions, that I laugh and cry eaiser, because it seems like my orgasms have a more direct link to the rest of my body: I thrash, I convulse, I arc, and I have a really hard time staying quiet.

I definitely think part of this is mental, since I’m more comfortable with my body and myself. But part of it’s not… Even when I try to stay quiet or still, I can’t do a very good job.

I would also say that, pre-hormones, orgasms were a steady thing. Sensation built in a pretty linear fashion, until they climaxed. Since getting on hormones, though, it’s like there are different plateaus of pleasure and sensation. I’ll reach one level, and then need to squirm and work and relax and tense until I can figure out how to hit the next level, where I start the process over again. If I can’t hit that next level, it still feels good, but is frustrating because I know it’s not going to result in an orgasm. I’ll teeter on the edge, until I’m finally (hopefully) pushed off. (At which point I lose all physical control for a while; see above.)

Before going on hormones, I definitely didn’t know what it felt like to be turned on, horny, and wanting sex and still not be able to cum! To any readers who have never experienced this, be sympathetic to your lovers when they do!

But the changes, even with the frustration, are worth it. Part of that direct link between cumming and losing all physical control is because it feels so good! Yes, it’s more work, but wow! SoI’m not really complaining…

I feel like I’m sort of talking in circles at this point, and I’m not sure how else to describe things. (Other than wanting to go do some ::ahem:: research.) I’d be happy to answer questions, though – any readers out there in Internet land have something they want to know about my sexual experiences pre-/post-hormones?