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By Rebecca, January 31, 2012 3:32 pm

This past week I was at Butler University in Indianapolis, performing Uncovering the Mirrors and leading a workshop around trans issues. Everything went really well, and I met some great people. All in all a very good trip.

During the workshop, however, something came up that I had not previously considered. Specifically, someone asked about how trans youth are (medically) treated. I said that it varies, but that there’s an increasing use of hormone blockers to delay puberty. This allows a twelve or thirteen year old to age a few years and – hopefully – be able to make a more informed decision about transitioning. In my I-am-not-a-doctor opinion, it’s a good compromise: simply doing nothing can result in spending thousands of dollars to undo puberty, but launching fully into hormone replacement therapy opens the door to a twelve year old realizing they weren’t really trans at thirteen or fourteen.

Ultimately, I said to the questioner, there isn’t a perfect solution. Once a child realizes they’re trans, it’s a matter of picking the best choice from some bad options. Which, to be very clear, doesn’t mean that being trans condemns an individual to a life of misery. But it does, as far as I can see, necessitate some tough decisions and a difficult journey.

The questioner then posed something that has been bouncing around my brain this past week: Could allowing fifteen and sixteen year olds to be making informed consent decisions about their healthcare lead to the criminal justice system saying they were able to make informed decisions about crimes, and should thus be tried as adults?

Continue reading 'Trans youth and informed consent'»

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By Rebecca, January 16, 2012 12:34 pm

After reading about surgery exclusions and Girl Scout Laws and bigotry and narrowmindedness and the like, I realized I feel some amount of obligation to apologize for my body. For being trans. For having a penis and breasts. So I’ll do that now. Get it out of the way and off my chest, so to speak.

On behalf of myself, and on behalf of all non-normatively-gendered individuals, I apologize. I am sorry for being confusing. For being scary. For being strange. For being icky. I am sorry for raising awkward questions about what female and male means. I am sorry for not fitting into one box or the other. I’m sorry for questioning the need for boxes at all. I’m sorry for androgyny and ambiguity and flexibility and spectra and rainbows of infinite possibilities.

I’m sorry for my body. I’m sorry for having breasts that are the result of orally-taken hormones and not of gonadally produced hormones. For having skin that is smooth due to those hormones and thousands of dollars of hair removal. I’m sorry for having a penis between my legs, being able to pee standing up, being an outie instead of an innie. I’m sorry shopping is such a chore, that I can’t wear those yoga pants or that ever-so-cute dress without tucking my cock up between my legs and securing it with medical tape, I’m sorry my boobs are nice and perky because they came in at 23 instead of 13. I’m sorry for my physical strength, something I’ll always doubt it’s from working out and assume it was from the testosterone coursing through my system for twenty-plus years. I’m sorry for my wide shoulders, my big feet, my hairy toes. I’m sorry for my occasionally ambiguous voice, for still occasionally getting “sir”ed on the phone, for causing double-takes.  Continue reading 'I am so very sorry'»

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By Rebecca, January 13, 2012 12:52 pm

Exclusions. Covered expenses of the Plan shall not include … procedures, treatments, equipment, transplants, or implants, any of which are … for, or resulting from, a gender transformation operation. – 215 Illinois Compiled Statutes 105 – Comprehensive Health Insurance Plan Act

It’s unclear whether the State of Illinois has defined – through statute or the courts – what specifically “gender transformation operation” means. But it seems pretty safe to assume that the surgery I’m currently considering would fall under its purview. Surgery in which the “spongiform erectile tissue of the penis is removed, and the skin, with its nerves and vascular system (blood supply) still attached, is used to create a vestibule area and labia minora, which then are inverted into the neovaginal cavity created in the pelvic tissue.” That seems pretty gender transformative to me.

What’s interesting about the Illinois Comprehensive Health Insurance Plan Act (or the ICHIP Act) is what other injuries, procedures, and categories of coverage are excluded.  Gender transformation operations (item 14.iv on the list of exclusions) is lumped in with cosmetic surgery (item 1), anything which exceeds “reasonable or customary” cost (item 4), injury due to war (item 9) , services that are “not provided in accord with generally accepted standards of current medical practice” (item 14), contraceptives (item 19), weight loss programs (item 21), acupuncture (22). Interestingly enough, the act itself does not, as best as I could find, mention abortion or early termination of a pregnancy, but the ICHIP website stil says such services are excluded.

Continue reading 'Some exclusions may apply'»

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By Rebecca, January 11, 2012 10:16 pm

This post is in reference to this video (here’s my transcript). For more info check out this Washington Post blog post. In regards to my video, it’s not up to my usual standards but I wanted to get it out ASAP.

Dear Taylor,

I wish we could sit down and talk. I’d like to think you would be willing to have a conversation with someone who honestly wants to find common ground. I’ve watched your video, and it really moved me. You delivered your message with skill, grace, and emotion – I wish my high school students were as comfortable speaking in front of an audience as you clearly are.

That said, a lot of what was in your video was hurtful to me. I’m not sure if you meant to hurt my feelings, or the feelings of people like me, but your video was painful for me to see. Because I’m a transgender woman. That means that I was born in the body of a boy, but realized I was actually a girl. I’ve been on hormones for a few years now, to help my body match my mind. And a lot of the things you said about what it means to be transgender didn’t match my experience, or the experience of other trans people I know.

Since watching your video, I’ve been researching the Girl Scouts, and I’d like to print the Girl Scout Law, which I found here. I admit I don’t know a lot about Scouting, but I think The Girl Scout Law is a good place to start what I hope can be a conversation between you and I:

I will do my best to be
honest and fair,
friendly and helpful,
considerate and caring,
courageous and strong, and
responsible for what I say and do,
and to
respect myself and others,
respect authority,
use resources wisely,
make the world a better place, and
be a sister to every Girl Scout.

Continue reading 'My letter to Taylor, the girl calling for a boycott of Girl Scouts over “transgender promotion”'»

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By Rebecca, January 11, 2012 8:33 pm

There’s a video on YouTube which – along with its message – has stirred up quite a controversy. The video, posted by username HonestGirlScouts, is a girl explaining why Girl Scouts should boycott selling cookies, and the American public should boycott buying them. That reason, of course, is Girl Scout’s support of transgender girls. Here’s the video:

But for those of you who don’t have the energy to watch eight minutes of anti-trans rhetoric, or in case the video is taken down, here’s a transcript. I was as accurate as possible, and will be responding to the video (and the boycott) itself in a later post. There were text overlays throughout the video, but I included them only when they seem important. The video uses incorrect pronouns throughout.

Hello. I’ve been a Girl Scout for eight years. So why would I ask you to boycott Girl Scout cookies?

One reason is that I have  been taught by Girl Scouts to advocate for my beliefs and to discover, connect, and take action when I see something I want to change in the world.

The problem is what I want to help change is Girl Scouts. Right now, Girl Scouts of the USA (or GSUSA) is not being honest with us girls, its troupes, its leaders, its parents, or the American public. Do you know that in Oct 2011 Girl Scouts admitted that they allow transgender boys from kindergarten through the twelfth grade? In fact, CO Girl Scouts VP for Communications Rachel Trujillo was quoted in an article by Baptist Press. The article, entitled “Girl Scouts Admitting a Boy Draws Backlash,” has Ms Trujillo saying this,

“We accept all girls in kindergarten through 12th grade as members. If a child identifies as a girl, and the child’s family presents her as a girl, Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.” [EDIT: I can't find this original article. If anyone can, I'd love to see it.]

That means that as long as a boy wants to be a girl, they’ll let him join based solely on his wishes and desires.

OVERLAY TEXT: “Transgender Girl Scout = boy who wants to be a girl”

Continue reading 'Call for Girl Scouts boycott video transcript'»

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By Rebecca, December 12, 2011 1:34 pm

No one looks like they're enjoying this situation, to be honest

In Which A Question Is Asked

What does it mean to be a sexual trans person? A sexual trans woman?

Sidenote: I’m looking for my copy of Fucking Trans Women, an awesome e-zine available at http://fuckingtranswomen.com/. I know I bought and downloaded it, but am having trouble finding it. I emailed the site owners, tho, and hopefully they’ll be willing to send me another copy. At the very worst, I can spare another $5 for their great project.

Back on topic, I think being trans and sexual is tough for me (gonna try to use ‘I’ statements in this post, and not make generalizations) in part due to the huge variety of mixed messages I’ve received over the last 27 years. I’m sure I’m missing some categories, but here’s what I’ve come up with:

• Messages about male sexuality, even though I didn’t identify as male
• Messages about female sexuality, which I picked up even though I wasn’t yet presenting as female
• Messages about heterosexual sexuality, mainly from when I was presenting as a straight male
• Messages about queer sexuality, both before and after I came out
• Messages about specifically lesbian sexuality, again from both before and after I came out
• And last-but-never-least, messages about specifically trans sexuality, limited primarily to ‘chicks with dicks’ and ‘she-male’ porn

Continue reading 'Sex, sexuality, and surgery'»

Comments (5)

By Rebecca, December 8, 2011 6:12 pm

“CHIP will not pay for any expense or charge:” (pg 31) ”for services, drugs or supplies that are for, or resulting from, surgery or surgeries performed in connection with sexual reassignment or gender transformation;” (pg 32)

Comments (8)

By Rebecca, November 3, 2011 4:51 pm

When I’m single, Every six months or so I’ll get bored and post something to the Craigslist Personals section. Nothing long-term has ever come of it, but I’ve had some fun dates and an amusing time writing the ads. I again posted something a few nights ago, in which I mentioned I’m trans, and one of the responses was this:

Uh…maybe, just maybe you aren’t getting any action because you are a guy posting on WfW board?

Ever think of that?

You have every right to feel that you are female…more power to you.  Go buy some heals and short skirts if it makes you feel better.

Anatomically though you are still a GUY.

I feel for you….really…you have my sympathy.

But no woman who is seeking another woman wants to date/hook up with anyone with your “equipment.”

Just a thought….

I generally try to assume good intent until proven otherwise. Also, I was bored when I received it, and willing to engage. (Perhaps foolishly so.) Here’s what I sent in response:

Thanks for the email. I’m going to assume honest ignorance, and that you’re really trying to help me out. While, as I said in my post, I haven’t had a ton of dating luck lately, I have dated (and hooked up with, and fucked) a number of women over the years. The majority of whom didn’t have a problem with my “equipment.” Many of whom identified as lesbian. And some of whom had never been with someone who had a penis. Part of the reason I’m open about my identity as trans in the CL post is to avoid people who aren’t interested in my equipment. Which is fine – I’m not trying to force myself on anyone.

But I do think you have a somewhat narrow definition of male and female (even if you’re looking at things anotomically). I’m not intersex, but why should my dick win over my boobs as determining my gender? Likewise, if I’m out in public, people perceive me as female, not as male. Would a straight woman want that? (In my experience, no.)

So I made a conscious choice to post in the wfw section. I’ve already gotten a few positive responses, some of which I plan to follow up on. Because I do think I posted in the correct section, anatomy be damned.

-R

You have a penis.

Therefore, you are a male.

Nobody sane would disagree with me.

Get off the women seeking women board.  You are not a woman by any definition.

You are clearly a queer guy.  You might not like it, but that’s what you are.

Comments (9)

By Rebecca, November 1, 2011 4:49 pm

Had a chance to see Kate Bornstein speak today at Chicago Kent College of Law, which was lovely. My dad teaches at the law school, and I found out about the event through him. My notes are kind of disjointed, since I was only jotting down things that struck with me and don’t have the whole arching narrative of her presentation. That said, here are some things that stuck with me.

Kate talked a lot about things which were familiar to me, even if much of the audience hadn’t been previously exposed. Things like identity politics, the importance of allowing existence outside the binary, and how hierarchical systems of identity (where this age/gender/race/religion/class/etc is better than that age/gender/race/religion/class/etc) inherently create problems.

I liked her Venn diagram about “why live?” a question she examined in Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide. Kate argued that our whole person-hood consists of overlapping components of Identity (sex/gender/race/all that other stuff), Desire (what we want) and Power (our ability to get what we want). More specifically, they’re all interconnected: Our ability to get what we desire depends in part on our power which depends in part on our identity which depends in part on our desires, and so on and on.

Part of the reason binary systems create problems, she said, is that they limit all three of those components of our personhood. As she put it (which I love), “To see in binary is to lose your imagination.” (That may not be word-for-word, but that’s the idea.)

Continue reading 'Kate Bornstein in Chicago'»

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By Rebecca, September 27, 2011 5:55 pm

Hopefully won't end up in police custody like she did, tho.

I talked with my therapist recently about ‘the rest’ of transitioning. I don’t mean The Surgery, although that’s something which is still on my mind, I mean moving from actively transitioning – changing my name, going on hormones, fretting about levels, watching my boobs grow, constant hair removal – to simply living as a woman. (As if living were ever simple, for anyone.)

More specifically, I said I’d been having trouble getting motivated lately. Sure, I could spend extra time doing my makeup, extra energy wearing a skirt, extra effort walking in heels. But I’m never going to look like Mexico’s beauty queen over on the right (using her as an example simply because she came up when I did a Google Image Search for ‘beauty’) so why not just throw on jeans and a t-shirt?

Laura, my therapist, smiled and said that’s part of what being a woman is all about.

Except I’ve become very used to the idea of transition as moving toward something: getting hair removed, growing breasts, buying a new wardrobe. The idea that I’ve arrived (or am close to arriving) at status quo, at whatever ‘normal’ is going to be for me for the foreseeable future, is battling it out with internalized transphobia and, more simply, internalized desire for the unobtainable female ideal.

On good days, I’m able to remind myself that I’m not only attractive “for a trans woman” (whatever that loaded statement means) but simply attractive as a woman. Touring this summer demonstrated that; it may not be that all the girls wanted me, but enough did to be a boost to my confidence.

On bad days, however, I feel stuck. As if I’ve reached my asymptotic height. And while convincing myself that transitioning was possible has helped keep me sane for so many years, I now need to put the breaks on that line of thinking: there is a limit to how I’ll look, determined by genetics and biology. I’m never going to be 5’6″ and 120 lbs, or have a 36-26-36 figure.

But that’s OK. I’m working on it being OK.