I’m ambiguous about Dan Savage. I enjoy reading his sex advice column, Savage Love, and really get a kick out of his podcast as an exercise distraction. That said, I don’t always love him: He’s called a politician trans as part of a disagreement, he’s said trans folks have an obligation to out themselves to partners, and (as I’ve said before) his admittedly pretty great It Gets Better Project nonetheless leaves trans youth out.
For all that, a recent column of his had some advice I thought was well-stated. The letter itself is from a twenty five year old ”trans-something/genderqueer,” who was asked out in a coffee shop after being called pretty. The main questions:
1. Was he way too creepy to go on that date?
2. Was agreeing to a date smart or dumb?
3. Am I acting out of desperation?
4. The great unanswerable: How do I get the giddy 13-year-old inside to grow up so the 25-year-old can navigate safely in the dating world?
And Dan’s answers:
Continue reading 'Credit to Dan Savage'»
Someone I met in DC had a Nook and, in large part because of her urgings, I ended up buying a refurbished one from Woot.com for $99. It arrived last week (and my purdy purple case arrived today) so I figured I’d share my thoughts on the device itself, along with the books I’ve been reading.
I went with a Nook instead of Amazon’s kindle for a few reasons. First, the Nook allows you to take out books from participating libraries, including Chicago Public Libraries. Unfortunately, the book selection isn’t great – and Amazon has said “Kindle will do that too in the coming months! – so it’s not as big of a deal as it seemed when I bought the Nook, but whatever. Likewise, the Nook allows out-of-the-book loading of books purchased from Google Books, which will let me buy things through my local feminist bookstore’s online store front and support them. You can do the same with the Kindle, but it requires jumping through questionably legal hoops. Paula, the friend from DC, has a Nook, and she can lend me books through Barnes and Noble’s lending feature. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the Nook was $99 at Woot, and I couldn’t find a Kindle that inexpensive. The biggest visible difference of the Nook versus the Kindle is that the former has a color touch screen along the bottom, while the latter has a bunch of physical buttons, and then the Nook uses Barnes and Noble to buy books while the Kindle uses Amazon.
So what do I think? Well, about a week in I’m loving the experience of reading on the Nook. E-ink is pretty awesome, and – for me, at least – suitably replicates the experience of actually looking at a physical page. It almost looks ‘fake,’ like it’s a demo unit at a store and not an actual piece of technology that has a display that clean and smooth. The page turning time – a brief flash while the next page loads – bugged me at first, but really isn’t any longer than physically turning a page in a book. I also like that you can turn pages with the buttons along the right or left side, or swipe along the touch screen in a really satisfying manner. (The touch screen, BTW, automatically turns off while reading so you’re not distracted by the menu.)
Continue reading 'NOOK’d (and some mini book reviews, and a discussion of copyright)'»
Something I’m working on to use as a backdrop for a movement piece in No Gender Left Behind:
Sex Ed video 4-24-11 from Rebecca Kling on Vimeo.
An open question: What does the idea of being ‘left behind’ mean to you?
Two weeks ago, I went to a new doctor. I like him a lot, and he’s very trans-friendly. To make sure everything was OK, we did some blood work. There was no reason to suspect anything was wrong (and nothing major was wrong) he just wanted to get base levels, and I wanted to get STD testing done since it’s been over a year since I was last tested.
Good news first: No HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or syphilis. Huzzah! (Again, I had no reason to suspect I was carrying any of those, but it’s nice to be told “You’re not sick.”)
I also feel pretty good about my cholesterol. Historically, my overall levels have been fine, but my HDL (‘good’ cholesterol) has been low and my LDL (‘bad’ cholesterol) has been high. Like, way high. It’s supposed to be under 100 units per whatever (I have no idea, honestly), and mine has historically been near 200. And my HDL has usually been in the 20s, when it’s supposed to be above 40. But today, my LDL was 101 and HDL was 41! Not amazing, sure, but it’s awesome that my relatively moderate dietary changes, coupling with exercising more, have paid off.
Much more interesting, however, were my hormone levels.
Continue reading 'Blood-work results'»
There’s a story at the LA Times about a trans woman in prison who is suing the state to provide gender reassignment surgery and move her to the women’s jail (from her current housing in the mens’). Surprisingly, the article is pretty well done, as mainstream articles goes: it respects the prisoner’s pronouns and gender, and while it touches on trans folks’ assigned sexes, it doesn’t do so in a sensationalist way. For major news coverage, I was fine with it.
Not so coverage of the same story in Australia’s Herald Sun:
Lyralisa Stevens, who was born male but lives as a female, said in a suit filed in San Francisco’s 1st District Court that the removal of her male genitalia and subsequent transfer to a female prison were necessary to save him from the threat of harm, the Los Angeles Times reports. (Emphasis added)
Well, no, actually the LA Times said the suit claimed the surgery was necessary to save her from the threat of harm. But the token “her male genitalia” is the only nod the article makes to the prisoner’s gender – the rest of the article uses male pronouns, and even goes so far as to say “In supporting documents, psychotherapist Lin Fraser – referring to Stevens as “her” – said she held “grave concerns” for Stevens’ safety because the inmate “had been put alone in cells all night long with men who threatened and abused her,” the Los Angeles Times reported.” (Again, emphasis added.)
Fuck you, Herald Sun! Fraser is referring to Stevens as female because – imagine that – it’s the respectful thing to do!
But both papers avoid the larger question: should the court require state-provided SRS?
Continue reading 'Trans reporting fail, missing the point'»
I use (well, used) Google Adwords on this site to bring in minuscule amounts of revenue. I’ve been thinking about ditching ‘em for a while, simply cuz they weren’t paying all that much, when I got an email from Google saying my account had been disabled on Fridaythang.com. Specifically:
Hello,
During a recent review of your account we found that you are currently
displaying Google ads in a manner that is not compliant with our program
policies
(https://www.google.com/support/adsense/bin/answer.py?answer=48182&stc=aspe-1pp-en).
————————————————–
EXAMPLE PAGE:
http://fridaythang.com/blog/2010/12/22/review-amante-remoted-controlled-vibrator/
Please note that this URL is an example and that the same violations may
exist on other pages of this website or other sites in your network.
VIOLATION(S) FOUND:
ADULT/SEXUAL AIDS and FETISHES: As stated in our program policies, AdSense
publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or
mature content. This includes any content that is sexual in intent or may
not be considered family-safe, such as sexual aids, devices and fetishes.
More information about this policy can be found in our help center
(https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=105957).
I’m in no way arguing the terms violation (although, ironically, Google’s help page isn’t working well in Chrome) I’m more annoyed that the policy exists at all.
Continue reading 'Google ads and SEX!'»
O, Canada...
I had a conversation tonight with my dad about the TSA, and it got me thinking about these United States: About discrimination, harassment, violence, brutality. Specifically, at what point are things ‘bad enough’ to leave?
I’m going to admit my understanding of any other country (particularly, say, the one directly north of the United States) comes from popular culture and a one-week trip I made to Vancouver a few years ago. I’m not seriously thinking about leaving the US for more northerly climes.
But what would it take?
My country is telling me I don’t deserve health care, my tax dollars should spent on war, my identity isn’t worth respecting, my rights aren’t worth respecting… What would it take?
There’s a big part of me that feels sad even considering this question. That thinks, “Hey, America is my country and – if there are things I don’t like – I should fight to change it for the better.” But there’s another party that can’t help wondering whether I should just pick up and go…
Just back from a friend’s party. Most of the party was really fun – it was a joint birthday party (for a friend) and celebration of Yuri Gagarin’s flight. (The theme was Cosmonaut Ice Cream.) So there were silly costumes, lots of ice cream, and tin foil for tin foil hats (to protect from the Soviets) and other ridiculousness.
I just got home, and am trying to figure out exactly why I’m so angry.
A number of folks at the party – myself included – were Northwestern graduates. We were discussing crazy news stories, and some brought up the controversy surrounding J. Michael Bailey’s live sex toy demonstration. I said that I hated to give Bailey any credit, but did think the controversy and outrage was a little much. But, I continued, I still thought he was a dip-shit for his work on The Man Who Would Be Queen and his support of Blanchard’s views on transsexualism.
The girl I was chatting with, who has brought up Bailey, said she understood how rightfully harsh the criticism of his research was (including credible accusations that he slept with people for information, and/or didn’t tell them he’d be using their stories in his book) but didn’t remember his views being so black-and-white as “all transsexuals are either homosexual transsexuals or suffer from autogynephilia.”
Very shortly thereafter, I left the party, having gone from light and laughing to upset and frustrated.
Continue reading 'Angry and Alone'»
Really? The Tree of Knowledge? That isn't a little, um, racey?
One week ago (when it still looked like the government might shut down) I spoke with someone from the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights, concerning my getting fired from Neal Math and Science Academy back in September.
I was thrilled to hear form someone in what seemed like a quick turnaround. (Ahh, the slow wheels of justice…) I went over what had happened when I was fired, and she discussed what role the OCR might take in resolving this.
First, she said, they needed to figure out if they were claiming jurisdiction. Because you can fire someone for being trans (at the Federal level) she said they would approach it as sex discrimination, because you can’t fire someone for not looking ‘enough like a woman.’ (And that’s kind of what discussion of ‘too big hands’ or ‘too deep voice’ boils down to.) However, she said she’d need to kick it up to her supervisor, since it was unclear how my being a sub-contractor of a sub-contractor might impact the DOE’s jurisdiction.
I’m sure as hell hoping they do claim jurisdiction. The woman I spoke with said that – if they do claim jurisdiction and then find evidence of wrong-doing – they can require the school district to take appropriate action (training, updating policy, etc) to make sure the problem is resolved.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed, but also thinking about how I want to handle things if the DOE says “Sorry, can’t help you.”
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