Just when you thought it was over, there are a few more questions to answer!

• Did you dress like a girl before you considered yourself transgender?  (Dress in drag, I guess?)

Occasionally, but not a lot. And that’s due in large part because of that language: it felt like dressing in drag. And the last thing I wanted, the last thing I ever wanted, was to feel like a boy in a dress. So while I did experiment every so often with sneaking something from my mom’s wardrobe, it was never that satisfying. (I denied taking her clothing the one or two times she confronted me about it. Maybe, in retrospect, if I’d come clean – and talked about my desires to not be a boy – my life might have turned out very differently.

Once I was able to put a name on my discomfort – I was trans, not a crossdresser – I was able to start experimenting with ways of feeling more feminine. Things like growing my hair out, shaving my legs, and so on. That eventually turned into buying women’s clothing, but by that point I’d say I was actually transitioning and not just experimenting.

• Could you describe the process of taking hormones and what that did to your body?

I think I’ve gone in depth about that elsewhere on this blog, but here are some general answers.

I’m taking three sets of pills every day: estrogen (female hormones), progesterone (more female hormones), and anti-androgens (male hormone blockers). This has the overall effect of lowering the testosterone in my system and boosting the estrogen, so that my hormone levels are within the normal adult female range.

The most obvious effect is the redistribution of muscle and fat, making me lose some strength and gain boobs and a butt. In the ~3 years I’ve been on hormones, I haven’t gained any weight, but I’ve gone to a B-cup. Much of that came from muscle loss, so I look a bit thinner than I used to, without any actual weight loss. In addition, it softens my skin (my girl friends bitch about how good my complexion is), and thins body hair a bit. I’ve still had to do lots of hair removal, though.

It also has changed how my sex drive works, but hasn’t lessened my sex drive. It does take me longer to orgasm, but I think I have more fun getting there than I used to.

Beyond that, a lot of the changes are mixed with mental and emotional stuff. I feel emotions more strongly now – both positive and negative – but that’s probably from a combination of the hormones and just being more introspective while transitioning.

• How did you react when you first realized you were trans?

I’m not sure, because it wasn’t an “Ah ha!” moment of epiphany. My discomfort with being socialized as a boy has always existed, so it was more a gradual understanding of “Oh, this is a label that might apply to me.” It was nice finding information (online, mostly) about people “like me,” but it took me a long time to go from thinking about the idea of being trans to actually identifying as trans to acting on that identification. Part of that, I think, is because the most public trans figures – particularly the ones who were online 10 or 15 years ago – were older trans women. As much as talking with and reading about them did help me, I didn’t feel like their experiences or problems were like mine.

That’s part of the reason I’ve come to think this blog and my performances are important, because I’d like (at least in a limited way) to provide something of the role model that I never felt I had.