Another writing exercise from my director.

1. What do you love?

I love getting out of my head. The feeling of doing something purely physical: playing a song on the piano that I know really well and flowing into the music; biking along the lakefront; holding a really good handstand or whipping around on a Spanish Web; a mind-blowing and body-cleansing orgasm.

I love solving a problem that has been itching at me. Of making technology bend to my will, and deliver satisfying and consistent results. I love the relief that comes when a solution is Right and True.

I love my body when I’m able to feel feminine. I love looking down and seeing my breasts, feeling their weight. I love the wonder of skin and and bone and muscle.

I love a strong sense of community: artistic, social, familial. Of understanding, and being understood. Knowing, and being known.

2. What do you fear?

I fear ridicule. I fear denial of my self and my identity. I fear violence against my person, I fear assault, I fear rape, I fear murder. I fear that who I am will close more doors than it opens, that the ‘trans’ part of my identity will subsume the rest of me. I fear that my friends and their friends and everyone I meet thinks of me as “that trans woman.”

I fear that I’ll always think of myself as a trans woman; that I’ll always think of myself as a woman* instead of a woman.

3. What do you want?

I want happiness and contentment. I want to be able to identify as trans without having to identify as trans.

I want to be financially secure and independent.

I want to be in a strong, healthy, loving, sexy, sexual relationship.

I want to be calm, cool, collected.

I want to be satisfied, artistically, professionally, socially, sexually, personally, privately, publicly, and completely.

5 Responses to “Three Questions”

1. John says:

   June 24, 2010 at 4:49 pm

   HUGZ
   To badly quote Vincent from Pulp Fiction
   “That’s a bold statement..,,

   Reply
   • Rebecca says:

     June 25, 2010 at 2:32 pm

     Thanks, John

     Reply
2. Rita Arens says:

   June 25, 2010 at 9:58 am

   I didn’t realize you were trans until you said it. I read this as something very well written by a talented woman.

   Reply
   • Rebecca says:

     June 25, 2010 at 2:33 pm

     Welcome, Rita! And thank you, I really appreciate your encouragement.

     Reply
3. The Thang Blog » Postin’ at BlogHer says:

   June 28, 2010 at 10:57 am

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   Reply