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By Rebecca, March 19, 2010 12:29 am

Just finished watching the latest 30 Rock. I do love their take on the Comcast takeover of NBC, as they’re spot on: Comcast provides no minimal service to its customers. (She says, typing away on a computer connected to the Internet via Comcast.)

But the final twist in the episode was “Kablevision” (the 30 Rock stand-in for Comcast) attempting to double its porn profits by providing “porn for women.” Specifically, attractive male models who will look at the camera while smiling and nodding. All for $24.99 an hour. Because the only thing women want is “to jabber,” which conflicts with the only thing men think about: sex. They take the train of thought to its logical conclusion, with one character saying “I mean, I’m more than a pair of ears! I’m a brain, too! A brain that thinks about sex every seven seconds.”

Well, xkcd said it best:

Continue reading '30 Rock on the ‘porn for women’ bandwagon too?'»

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By Rebecca, March 18, 2010 9:40 pm

I’m working on contract for the Chicago Fringe Festival and need to pick a title for my show. Trans Form was basically a lazy decision: I hadn’t written much of the show when I chose it, and it would fit whatever my show ended up being.

I’d like to put a little more thought into things this time, even though I still am trying to choose a title before I’ve finished writing the show. At the suggestion of a friend, I went back through my Trans Form script and pulled out lines or phrases that seemed like they might work as show titles. I’d love any thoughts or additional suggestions, though.

• Often Referred To
• Secondary Characteristics
• Secondary ______ Characteristics (not sure what would go in the blank)
• Results Not Guaranteed
• I’ve Mapped the/a Way
• 25 going on 16
• I Didn’t Grow Boobs
• 10 Milligrams Daily
• Continue reading 'Possible show titles'»

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By Rebecca, March 17, 2010 11:14 pm

• Do you feel like your personality has changed at all?

Yes and no. The important things have not changed. I still find the same things funny, the same things sad, my politics haven’t changed, my taste in music hasn’t changed, and so on. At the same time, I think being more emotional – presumably a combination of hormones and being more comfortable with myself in general – has let me be a little more open and  a little less closed off.

Specifically, I used to think of myself as someone who could do a great poker face. That is, if I didn’t want my emotions to show, they didn’t. But on Monday of this week, one of my coworkers asked if anything was wrong (I was, indeed, stressed). I asked it if was that obvious, and she replied, “Yeah, you kind of wear your heart on your sleeve.”

I ultimately think this change is a good thing, but it’s taking some getting used to. It’s difficult to think of yourself, and the image you project to the world, as one thing and realize it’s really something else.

• How do you feel about transgender persons getting married?  Do you want to get married?

I’m not totally sure what the first part of this question is asking. I think any two consenting adults of sound minds should be able to get married. Or, hell, more than two: I don’t think polyamory is for me, but I don’t see why I should tell others they can’t practice it. So I don’t think someone being trans, (or pre-, mid-, or post-transition) should have anything to do with it.

As to whether I want to get married… Yes, I think I do, eventually. Hopefully the right gal will sweep me off my feet.

• Continue reading 'Questions on being trans, from highschoolers (pt 3)'»

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By Rebecca, March 16, 2010 11:09 pm

• How did you know you wanted to be a girl? – what influenced your decision to transition?

That’s a tough one to answer. How did you know you wanted to be a girl, anonymous questioner? (Or wanted to be a boy?)

For me, it wasn’t so much that I wanted to be a girl that I knew I wasn’t a boy. I imagined being a girl was better, I hoped it was right for me, and I wished I were a girl. But I wasn’t positive that it would be until I did it. Maybe a good analogy would be the question, “How do you know you’re hungry?” Well, because you’re hungry! It’s a state of being, something you know you are or you aren’t. I didn’t know I wanted to be a girl because I liked dresses or makeup or dolls. I knew it because it was true.

• What do your family and friends think?  Did anyone give you moral support in making your decision?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I am spoiled, blessed, privileged, and thankful that my friends, family, and coworkers have been so supportive during my transition. I’ve had people (family, mostly) react in a confused way, but I’ve never had anyone who was important to me act in a negative or intentionally hurtful way.

My experience, however, is the exception. It’s (unfortunately) not the rule. But I’d like to work toward a world where my experience – of the people important to me being supportive and enthusiastic of my transition – is the norm.

• Continue reading 'Questions on being trans, from highschoolers (pt 2)'»

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By Rebecca, March 15, 2010 9:37 pm

I’m speaking this Friday to a high school GSA in my neighborhood. One of the students at the class I spoke to in October is leading a group at the high school, and they were interested in having a trans speaker come.

She just sent over a list of questions the students had compiled, and I figured I’d answer some of them here, as a way to think about them before Friday. I think I’m gonna single out the easy questions in this post, and may cover some of the more in-depth ones later… It’s interesting to see what issues and topics high school students think are worth asking about.

• What restroom do you use?

I use whatever bathroom fits with how I’m presenting. For over a year, now, that’s been the womens room. Before that, for about a two year period, it was either the mens room or the womens room, depending primarily on what I was wearing and how I was thinking about myself. Before that, it was the mens room.

• Are you attracted to men or women now?  How is sex different as a woman than as a man?

Still attracted to women! And the protected posts are mostly about how sex has changed over the course of the transition (see the ‘About Me’ link at the top for info on getting the password.)

Continue reading 'Questions on being trans, from highschoolers (pt 1?)'»

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By Rebecca, March 13, 2010 12:15 pm

Last night was the big fundraising and show-opening benefit. I ended up working for a little over 14 hours, from shortly before 10AM until just about midnight.

The building was closing at midnight, which meant that everyone needed to be out. I remember (and text messages with coworkers confirm) that at about 11:40PM there were still maybe a dozen people in our very small office. I apparently decided that it would be a good idea to sing a version of “All Around the Mullberry Bush” that culminated with me yelling “BECCA NEEDS YOU TO GET OUT OF THE BUILDING!” I was not drunk – I’d had a single small drink – but I was extremely tired.

My boss was there,  but took slight mental breakdown with good humor.

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By Rebecca, March 12, 2010 12:13 am

I’ve started looking for a new job. This was an extremely hard decision for me to come to, as there are lots of things I like about my current job: I’m working in the arts, I really like my immediate coworkers, it’s a pretty laid-back office environment, I have some nice perks (like free classes), and I’m damn good at it. But the drawbacks have started to feel like they outweigh the positives. Namely, my bosses and the fact that I’ve been there since before transitioning, and feel trapped in that history of my pre-transition self.

Today, though, I’m going to try and start thinking about looking for a new job as an opportunity to look for something, rather than run away from something.

Continue reading 'Looking forward instead of back'»

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By Rebecca, March 11, 2010 10:21 pm

Interesting post about the trans experience of watching The Little Mermaid over at Feministing. Made me think of my own response to the film.

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By Rebecca, March 10, 2010 12:46 am

My taxes were a bit more complicated this year than last, what with my solo show, so I let my dad talk me into passing them off to a friend of his. I just heard from him, and he said that I should be getting about $300 from the feds (woo!) and owe the State of Illinois $3. Really, Illinois? $3?

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By Rebecca, March 9, 2010 10:32 am

I’m super busy this week. The yearly fund-raising benefit for my full-time job is this Friday, and we have tons to do. Likewise, my evenings are pretty packed with various and sundry get-togethers. So I probably won’t be posting all that much this week. See you on the other side!