Questions on being trans, from highschoolers (pt 4)
The saga continues!
- Are there advantages to being a woman as opposed to being a man?
Advantages for who? For me, yes: I’m happier with myself and with my body, enjoy wearing clothing and makeup, enjoy being perceived as a woman.
For someone who identifies as a man? Probably not. I think women – in general – have more clothing and presentation options today than men. That is, a woman can present from relatively butch (even going so far as to wear mens clothing) to super-femme, and still be a ‘woman.’ Men, on the other hand, have fewer options for clothing/makeup/etc without having their ‘man’ status questioned. But those are all subjective; being a woman isn’t “better” than being a man, just different.
But it is better for me.
- Are there advantages to being trans?
Being trans gives you the opportunity – hell, forces you – to think much more in detail and at length about your own identity and gender than being cis. I feel like the choices I’m making about presentation and how I gender myself are a lot more conscious than for many of my friends, and I’m doing so with more intention. They haven’t had to think about their own gender, and so many of them haven’t. (Or, hadn’t until I forced them to by transitioning and talking about it at great length!)
Being trans has given me the opportunity to dive into the trans and queer communities both on- and off-line, this blog being a big example of how I’m doing that.
Is all that worth the pain and difficulty of being trans? I’m not sure yet; I’m still too much in my transition to make that call. But I’d be lying if I said there were no advantages to being trans. At least, I’ve had a few places where I’ve been able to make lemonade out of lemons. I’m just hoping that I’ll ultimately feel that way all the time, not just every once in a while.
- Have you had any regrets after transitioning?
That I didn’t transition earlier. I’ve written a lot about my feelings of regret, and that’s the number one thing I’m trying to work on emotionally right now: Being OK with where I am, and not living in a land of ‘if only”s. I also regret that my transition has been difficult for the people in my life who I love, and who love me. I don’t think there would have been any way to prevent that, but (again) I play a pretty constant game of “If only I’d…” It’s not healthy, and I’m working on stopping, but it’s a process.
But do I regret transitioning? Not for a second.
- How did you react when you first realized you were trans?
I don’t really remember having a lightbulb moment where I realized I was trans, so I’m not sure how to answer this question. I always knew I’d rather be a girl than a boy, but didn’t start to learn what that meant – the language associated with it – until getting online in late middle school. There’s definitely been a sadness around my understanding of being trans, because for many years I thought (incorrectly) that it meant I couldn’t/wouldn’t be happy, couldn’t/wouldn’t live and present myself successfully as a woman, wouldn’t/couldn’t find someone to date or who would be attracted to me, etc.
I’m definitely on a good path, but being trans is hard. No doubt.
Themocracy
[...] It’s been a while, I know, but I figured it was time to finish off some of these questions. Lets go! [...]