Questions on being trans, from highschoolers (pt 1?)
I’m speaking this Friday to a high school GSA in my neighborhood. One of the students at the class I spoke to in October is leading a group at the high school, and they were interested in having a trans speaker come.
She just sent over a list of questions the students had compiled, and I figured I’d answer some of them here, as a way to think about them before Friday. I think I’m gonna single out the easy questions in this post, and may cover some of the more in-depth ones later… It’s interesting to see what issues and topics high school students think are worth asking about.
- What restroom do you use?
I use whatever bathroom fits with how I’m presenting. For over a year, now, that’s been the womens room. Before that, for about a two year period, it was either the mens room or the womens room, depending primarily on what I was wearing and how I was thinking about myself. Before that, it was the mens room.
- Are you attracted to men or women now? How is sex different as a woman than as a man?
Still attracted to women! And the protected posts are mostly about how sex has changed over the course of the transition (see the ‘About Me’ link at the top for info on getting the password.)
- Did you get your documentation changed (drivers license, etc)? How did you do it?
Yup! Got my name legally changed – wrote about it here and here. I should get my birth certificate changed one of these days… But I can’t get the gender on my birth certificate changed without having surgery.
- What do you wear when you go swimming?
A swimsuit. 
Specifically, a two-piece with a bikini bottom covered by semi-loose trunks, so that I don’t really worry about ‘showing.’
- Is it hard to find clothes/shoes that fit properly? Do you find girls shoes hard to wear?
Honestly, probably not any harder than it is for any other woman. I do have massive body issues, but I’m realizing that’s because all women (OK, maybe almost all women) do, not because there’s something wrong with me. For example, I went shopping yesterday with a friend (hi, J!). It sucked that the dress I really liked at Anthropologie would only ever fit me if I removed my bottom ribs, regardless of how much weight I might loose, but it was awesome that I was able to find kick-ass skinny jeans at Anne Taylor Loft. (And boots to match at DSW). They make my legs and ass look hot.
I do have some problems finding shoes, since size ten is a bit bigger than most women, but it’s not impossible. I’ve had luck with being patient, and am told Nordstrom Rack has great stuff. (I still need to check it out.) Heels definitely take getting used to, and I’m already pretty tall (5’10″) so I’m not always sure I want to be taller. But a tall friend of mine – she’s over six feet – said she loves embracing her height by wearing heels. Sure enough, it’s fun to rock out a hot outfit with heels high enough to know that everyone will be looking at you, and you’ll be looking over them.
Themocracy
Wearing a size 10 shoe can be tough, but isn’t that tough. Everyone makes them they just don’t make very many so they sell out quick. Plus I find that flats and much more so pointy toe shoes look terrible on my size 10 feet because the pointy toe adds another inch, and the flatness just shows the world my rabbit feet
. I’m a big fan of heels, especially platform (can those come back in style?) because they’re heeled AND comfortable.
Oh, you’re right – size 10 isn’t too bad. But it does sell out quickly… It’s like it’s big enough to not stock too many, but not big enough to stock at a specialty store. Either way, I’m excited for my new boots. They have maybe 1.5″ heel, but it’s wide enough that they’re stable. And, unlike the other pairs I tried on, the sole actually has traction! What a concept: I’d like to not have my feet fly out from under me!
Hi!
Those jeans are brilliant on you, it’s true.
[...] spoke to a high school health club on Friday – the one who emailed me the questions I’ve been answering the last few days – and had a really good time. They weren’t too [...]
I didn’t understand the bathing suit part. You wear a two piece and trunks over the bathing suit? Why the need for the bottom part of the swimsuit if you are wearing trunks?
Whoops! Sorry for being unclear. I wear a tankini (and we’ll pretend I look like the women in most of those pictures) with what are basically short-shorts over the bottom. The shorts are fine in the water, but aren’t actually swimming trunks, so I’m not comfortable just wearing them as bottoms without something more secure underneath.
I realize that may be unnecessarily cautious, but it lets me feel more more confident about being in public in a women’s bathing suit.
Got it, thanks for clarifying. I never even thought about this aspect of transgender experience so thanks for bringing the subject up.
I sympathize with your frustration in finding size 10 shoes. I end up actually buying neutral brands for casual wear (like Vans or Converse) and lurking through department stores for the elusive size 10.5 heels that will, someday, BE THERE. Hopefully.
Yeah, it’s sometimes an obnoxious road. I’ve had _pretty_ good luck on sales racks and (on the recommendation of a friend) Nordstrom Rack. I’m thinking it’s because 10 is a size often left over from a shipment, so good shoes will end up on sale. At least, I hope the trend continues…