Family can surprise you
I just got off the phone with my dad. Both of my parents have been calling me pretty much every day, since last Wednesday when I told them how difficult things were for me right now. I’ve been getting a bit tired of having the same conversation over and over:
Mom or dad: How’re you feeling?
Me: The same.
Dad or mom: Are you feeling any better?
Me: No, not really.
(Yes, I know they mean well and they’re asking because they love me.)
I was expecting a repeat of this and, indeed, the conversation did start that way. But then my dad mentioned how a J – a friend of my dad’s and a reporter in Chicago – had been telling my dad about Christina Kahrl. Christina is a trans sports writer in Chicago, and I met her at a Broadway Youth Center event a few months ago. Apparently, J was saying he’d be happy to set up some sort of meeting for me with Christina; my dad was calling to ask me about this and see if I might want to talk with someone who has “been there.”
It seems like a little thing, particularly in contrast to my dad’s continued difficulty of calling me Rebecca, but I was really surprised and touched by the offer.
I’m torn on whether or not I want to take my dad up on this offer. On the one hand, it really means a lot to me that he’s reaching out to me. I’ve been really frustrated about his continuing use of my old name, and feeling like we aren’t communicating on the same level somehow. So I want to foster the idea that he can offer support to me, and it will be appreciated.
On the other hand, I feel like the resources I’ve been using are supporting me pretty well and I’m not sure I want to expend the energy to be social with someone new. I don’t like the idea of adding more things to my schedule right now, and meeting with Christina sounds somewhat awkward.
Can I turn down my dad’s offer without him feeling like I don’t value that he made it in the first place?
Themocracy
I feel like you should take your dad up on the offer. If not to show your thankfulness that he was thoughtful in the first place, but mostly because even though you have resources and a support system already there is absolutely no harm in having MORE. Especially when you are struggling. More support is never bad.
Yes, it will likely be awkward at first and being social (especially with new people) when you’re not feeling your best can suck, but I just have a feeling it’ll be worth it.
In the end, what you need trumps everything else. I am so excited that your dad made such a supportive gesture, and it bodes well for your future interactions with him. It just comes down to: do you want to meet Christine? If you don’t, explain politely and gratefully your reasons that you articulated in this post, thank him, and maybe tell him you’ll reconsider it when you are in a better place emotionally.
I have fallen behind on your blog and am now catching up. If you ever want to chat or need some support from me, call, email or gchat me. Sending you love and strength.
Go with you’re father. It’ll show closeness with your family.
If he’s trying to help, then let him.
And in fairness to your dad, after a while of calling someone by one name, it can be tough to use another.
I called a friend by his nickname for year and I just couldn’t use his real name because it felt off to call him that.
A crossroads of destiny; this decision seems very important and your actions or lack thereof in this matter may very well change your life for the better or for the worse.
I don’t know your dad, and that’s what the answer depends on. But I think you should say that you appreciate his efforts and you’ll keep it in mind for the future.
Thanks, all. As a general reply (instead of replying to everyone individually) I’ve pretty much decided to take my dad up on his offer. I think. I’m pretty sure. Probably.
[...] “he” and “his” and “him,” not to mention my old name. He does surprise me sometimes, but he usually just upsets me when we talk about anything [...]