Taking time is hard to do
I’m on my second day off, and feeling overwhelmed by the time I have. I’m also trying really hard not to think about this weekend and next week, which would have been filled with tech for my high-schoolers’ show, but now I’m not doing. That still hurts a lot, even if I think it’s the right decision.
Yesterday was nice, even if taking a mental health day felt really weird and indulgent. (I’m not allowed to think it’s indulgent, but that’s a battle in and of itself.) My mom and I went to lunch, and our conversation drifted back and for from mundane things (she and some of her girl friends are having a slumber party tonight, which I find adorable) to more serious topics (how I’m doing, how my brother is doing, and so on). We then walked back from the restaurant to my apartment, window shopping and (inevitably) stopping in the shoe store to ‘look.’
As much as I like Alamo Shoes, one of the employees there always recognizes me and I can’t decide if he’s being flirty or not. I don’t know how to react to flirty, so I get a little uncomfortable. (Particularly when I’m with my mom, and he asks where I got my jeans so he can get a pair.) Maybe I’m being oversensitive – probably am – I just don’t have any socialization patterns stored up for reacting or interacting in that situation…
My mom bought me a scarf (on sale), some black Merrel platforms similar to these but without the print at the back, these Keen shoe/boot crossovers (also on sale), and some socks. I’m a huge Keen/Merrel fan, and I actually think I really like – and will wear - both pairs of shoes. I hate shoe shopping, because I know the shoes will never fit exactly as they do in the store, and I always worry about whether or not the shoes I’m spending $50 or $100 are really worth it. Well, the Keens were on sale, and were the first shoes in a while I’ve slipped on and just said, “Yeah, these are for me.” I’m still not convinced about the Merrels – I like them, but not totally sure they fit right – but my mom told me “trying them is the only way to know for sure,” and it was her money…
After my mom left, I went back out to do some book shopping at the incomparable Women and Children First. I browsed for quite a while, and left with the first two books of The Mysterious Benedict Society series, figuring I needed something fun right now. It’s a young adult series about gifted children solving ridiculous mysteries, and I read the first one a few years ago. I figured rereading that and reading the second in the series would be a good distraction right now, and expend about the amount of mental energy I have right now (i.e. not much). I started the first one last night and, indeed, it’s good fun without being too much work to read. They were also pretty cheap compared to ‘real’ books: $7 each.
I also bought Transgender Erotica: Trans Figures which, briefly, was a bad purchasing decision. I’ll write a more detailed review later but, briefly, it seems to have been written for people who find trans bodies attractive (and specifically find trans men attractive) not people who are trans. Because why should people who are trans need positive representations of themselves in erotica, from their perspectives, when it’s so much easier to to create exotic depictions of hot trans men? (As I said, this’ll warrant a whole other post soon, I just needed to kvetch.)
This afternoon I’m heading down to my doctor to get my hormone levels checked and talk about antidepressants. Hopefully something good will come of that.
Themocracy
Seriously, erotica about transmen? It seems to me most erotica purporting to be about transpeople is about feminine people whose penises get fetishized.
Well, from the pieces I read or skimmed through, I think the book was ultimately aimed at women who were attracted to bois or trans men. I’ll definitely post something longer about the book soon.
Shoes. Well, unfortunately, I definitely fit the ladybrains love shoes stereotype, so, um…
Expensive shoes are usually worth it. They’re almost always made of higher quality materials that breathe better and just feel better all around. The most expensive pair of shoes I ever bought cost 240 on sale + with my employee discount at Nordstrom, where I used to work. It was a pair of Cole Haan boots made with Nike Air technology. They have pretty high heels, but they feel fabulous. Indulge me and allow me to share a pic:
http://g.nordstromimage.com/imagegallery/store/product/MediumLarge/4/_5918644.jpg
Yes. THOSE are comfortable. Really.
I rarely buy shoes at TJ Maxx or something because I end up getting ones that are cute but end up killing my feet. I’d say the way to go is to have a certain shoe budget and to spend it on very few pairs of well-researched, expensive shoes once they’ve gone on sale. Also, it’s not always possible, but trying to buy a size up and then stuff the shoes with every manner of padding on all inside parts is something else I do. My mom does it too, and she’s a flight attendant who is on her feet 14 hours a day while working, so if she says it works, it definitely works.
Oooh. Those boots do like pretty great! =D
And I agree that it’s worth spending some extra money on something (like shoes) that are supposed to be comfortable and last a long time. I just have horrible, horrible comparative shopping urges, making it difficult for me to make any decisions… It’s the same reason I ultimately have issues spending lots of money on clothing.
I’m working on it, though. Even better when my mom pays for the shoes! (And thanks for the tip on buying a size up. Unfortunately, I’m a womens 10; 10s and 11s aren’t impossible to find, but they’re on the upper end of what stores usually have. The plus size is they’re often the sizes that end up on sale.)
I am a size 9.5/10 in shoes, in which case… Nordstrom is great. I’m not plugging them just because I used to work for them (I thought their idea that it’s practically philanthropy to send someone out the door with lots of bags was/is utterly deluded), but because they’re just very customer service oriented. They’ll basically go through hell and high water to get you want you want in their store. Apparently some employees have been known to drive to other stores searching for whatever their customer was looking for. But, barring utter servitude of Nordstrom employees, it’s still standard policy for them to have whatever you want to try on sent to their store and to then call you when it arrives so that you can come in and try it on. You can also make appointments with individual employees who you particularly like, and their schedule will be cleared so they can just work with you to get you exactly exactly what you want during that time. Though I wasn’t fond of working there, it’s a wonderful place to shop.