Life gets in the way
Just got back from my therapist where, through many tears, I was able to talk about feeling depressed, miserable, not wanting to eat, and thinking about hurting myself.
Hard. Session.
She gave me a mini to-do list, which I’m working my way through. I called my mom to talk to her, and we both cried a bit. I don’t know that I’m going to go up and stay with her tonight, but maybe tomorrow or this weekend. Play with the cats a bit. I’m putting off calling my dad, but need to do that next.
I also let the lead teacher of the high school class I’m working with know I couldn’t come to tech this weekend and next week. Which really sucks. More than anything else, I feel bad about dropping that commitment.
I also called my doctor to schedule an appointment and get my hormone levels checked, as well as get a prescription for an antidepressant.
The last few items on my short-term list (trying not to think long-term at the moment) are calling my boss and saying I won’t be in the rest of the week, putting an auto-reply up on my work email, and talking to my roommates. And calling my dad.
Working on breathing. I’m told that’s a good thing. And, I think, after having dinner I may go downstairs and play with my landlords’ dogs. That’s always good therapy.
Edit: Calling my boss was almost worth it, just to hear the sudden change in his voice when I started crying at him. I really didn’t mean to, and was hoping to make it through the conversation without crying, but by god it garnered a sympathetic reaction.
Themocracy
Oh dear. I’m obviously worried about you, but I’m glad that you’re taking care of yourself and it seems like you’ve done a lot from your to do list quickly, so that’s great.
I love you hun.
Love you too. I do like my lists…
Isn’t that the nicest thing about therapists? They can work with your neuroses.
I’m glad the visit was helpful. I hope you’re taking care of yourself.
Is the weather in Chicago very bitter? It’s Cambodian late winter, which is sort of like summer in San Diego.
Cambodian weather sounds a LOT better than Chicago right now! The winter hasn’t been too horrible – usually hovering around freezing – but I’d much rather summer weather. I do love Chicago in the summer.
Good for you and good for her.
Funny about the crying.
Sorry you’re feeling so shitty, I have been feeling similarly and am on my way to therapy now. Why did your therapist suggest you call out from work, so you can have some recovery time? And are you going to see her again this week or soon?
Yeah, she was saying I take some time off to process and recover. Basically, she told me to think about it like I was in a car accident or had a bad illness: I’d be in the hospital or laid out at home, whether I liked it or not. So give myself the same respect and time now, to let myself (mentally) heal a little big. Sorry you’ve been doing shitty, too! it seems like February is the time for yucky moods…
(And yeah, I’m seeing her again on Tuesday and then on Thursday.)
Wow, so brave to be able to tell your therapist your true feelings. I mean, yeah, I know that’s what they’re for. But it’s hard. *admires your ability to be up front about these things* I think my therapist thinks I’m just a silly girl who likes to talk about the weather; I always find myself unable to tell her what I’m really thinking.
Thanks. It’s taken a long time to get to a place where I can lay everything out at therapy, but I’m really lucky with how good a relationship I have with my therapist. (I went therapist shopping for a few months b efore I finally found her…)
I’ve also finally figured out that the things I don’t want to say to my therapist are the things I really should say. (Like, oh, having appetite and self-injury issues.) I’ve tried to think of that as a barometer for how close I am to Important Things. That and whether or not whatever I said starts me crying.
Yeah, I know intellectually that the things I least want to tell my therapist are the things I most need to tell her, but nobody is making me do so, and so I don’t. When I was in foster care in a different state, I had to go to therapy every week, and that was really successful — but part of that was that she already knew so much about my history, and therefore it was pointless for me to try to hide much. She knew way more about me than I wanted her to, and so even if I sat there silent the entire time, she would still know all these things that were coming in from social workers and so on. So, even though it drove me nuts at the time, it actually made it a bit easier for me.
Anyway, I’m going to try and follow your lead next time I go to see my current therapist. Thank you for inspiring me on that…
And also, I do hope you feel better soon. Not in a fakey “positive thinking!” way but in a real way. I’ll definitely keep reading your blog.
Thanks! I’ve been reading yours, too, and it’s really interesting. Hope your next therapy session goes well
It’s tomorrow. I wrote down what I want to say and printed it out since I’m too scared to actually speak it allowed for now, but still, it feels like a big step… Thank you though.
[...] got off the phone with my dad. Both of my parents have been calling me pretty much every day, since last Wednesday when I told them how difficult things were for me right now. I’ve been getting a bit tired of [...]