Can’t get out of this funk
Comments (4) Edit: While everything I wrote in this post is still true, things look brighter now that it’s no longer two AM. (As they usually do in the morning.)
Such a busy week, and I’m very much feeling like I can’t keep up. Theoretically, my schedule opens up a bit now, except that I need to rehearse for Trans Form, which is quickly approaching. (And, y’know, finish writing it, doing the video work for it, distributing post cards, posting info to various websites, and so on…)
I’ve been in this inescapable funk all week, and I’m not sure how to escape. As I mentioned, I don’t feel like I have many safe spaces or harbors to where I can retreat right now. Layered on top of that, I feel very “on the outside, looking in” when it comes to all of the communities in which I have involvement. I know that, for the most part, that isn’t actually true, but that’s how it feels.
I’ve talked before about how our perceptions of people have inertia. By that I mean that everyone holds a concept of the people they know in their head. For example, pretend I have a friend, Sue. I have an idea of Sue in my head, of what makes her Sue, of her “Sueness.” If she underwent a dramatic change – say, a big religious conversion – it would take time for that concept of Sue to change. The momentum or inertia behind my concept of her would have weight. The larger the change, the more time it takes for me to ‘update’ my idea of Sue. (This is often how I’ve explained why transitioning is hard on other people – it’s because it requires them to shift their mental concept of me.)
But I’m finding that momentum and inertia apply to our concepts of ourselves, too.
Themocracy