Sexular Reasoning
I was having a conversation with a friend last night about sex, and gender identity versus physical body. It got me thinking about how easy it is to get into circular reasoning, especially when it comes to something so emotional and sensitive as all that. The circular reasoning we were talking about goes like this:
- I like sex, and being sexual
- I identify as a woman
- I was assigned “boy” at birth, and still have ‘boy bits’
- Women can’t have ‘boy bits’
- But I like sex…
(Rinse and repeat…)
Basically, is it OK to enjoy sex, even if your body isn’t what you really want it to be? Or, you have issues using your body in the socially/culturally expected way?
My answer is enthusiastically, “Yes!” I don’t know if it’s because of the liberal community I grew up in, the supportive people I’ve dated, or the overriding fact that I really like orgasms, but I’ve never really been drawn into that type of circular reasoning. I think a lot of that has to do with whether or not you can separate your own genitals from your gender identity. It’s all well and good to say, “Yes, in theory, people with incongruous genitals and gender identities are “really’ their identified gender” about other people, but can you apply it to yourself?
To put it more bluntly, why does a penis need to be a male organ? Why does a vagina need to be a female organ?
I’m speaking entirely of your own perception of yourself (and your partner’s perception, if applicable), not what society says or how you see your body in an ideal world. I’ve become more and more interested in looking into surgery for myself, although I’m certainly not ready to make any commitments, so I’m not saying I want the genitals I have.
But I can certainly enjoy the genitals I have.
This is a situation where I think the Ask Professor Foxy on the subject is pretty applicable, but I don’t think it needs to only apply to people who identify as trans. It’s possible to be uncomfortable viewing yourself as “the woman” or “the man” while having sex, even if you still identify as a woman or a man.
Themocracy
So are you saying that you are liking your body and enjoying sex with it
I’m saying I’m enjoying sex with it, even when I don’t necessarily like it
Insert face slap
No worries!
for me it goes more
1. I like sex, and being sexual
2. I identify as a woman
3. I was assigned “boy” at birth and I still have ‘original bits’
4. Women can’t have ‘boy bits’
4.b. They must be ‘girl bits’
I would be happier with more traditional ‘girl bits’ but it isn’t like I am the first girl with something about her body she would like to change, it doesn’t mean I can’t work with what I have. But anyone who tries to masculinize me or ‘my bits’ will not be someone I have sex or be sexual with.
Thanks for the comment, Erica! Really well said. I like your reasoning a lot, and that’s a much better/healthier line of thought than the one I was posting about… It’s a really clean way of saying what I was getting at: That your own self-identification should (and can!) take precedence over social or cultural definitions of body parts.
[...] surprised me by referring to my penis as “she.” I’ve talked before about whether “a penis need[s] to be a male organ” or “a vagina …a female organ.” But it’s easier to say something like that as a political statement than really think about [...]