Privilege (Noun)
- a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of most: the privileges of the very rich.
- an advantage or source of pleasure granted to a person: It’s my privilege to be here.
Those certainly aren’t the only definitions of ‘privilege’ (see where I stole them from for a few more examples) but they’re the ones I’ve been thinking about lately.
The first is perhaps the most commonly used: “White privilege.” “Cis privilege.” “Male privilege.” recursiveparadox has a great post on that type of privilege, For the Uninformed: Privilege, Perspective, and the Little Things That Jab. She sheds light on how lack of privilege can become “this constant stream, this wearing away of patience, defense and sanity.”
I’ve been thinking about that second definition of privilege: “It’s been a privilege meeting you.” “Do you think putting a TV in her room is too big of a privilege?” “Pick up your toys or you lose dessert privileges.”
That definition – of a source of pleasure – has flipped my perspective around a little bit, and made me all the more aware of the loss of my male privilege (using the first definition).
Continue reading 'A Loss of Privilege, or a Gain?'»
Today my mom gave me a necklace with “Rebecca” in Hebrew letters. (Not Rivka, the Hebrew version of Rebecca, but ‘Rebecca’ spelled phonetically in Hebrew.) I think she was a little hurt that I wasn’t as excited about it as she was, so I said, “It’s beautiful, I just have a complicated relationship with Judaism.”
Oh.
I wish I could have been more excited for her, because I know how hard she’s trying to support me (and how much she enjoys buying me girlie things with “Rebecca” on them like she did with my old name when I was a child). But I don’t always know what to do with a “Rebecca” puzzle. Or keychain. Or Hebrew necklace.
Meanwhile, I talked to my dad tonight, for about 4 minutes. I’ve been meaning to call him all week, and was trying to summon the energy to do so. I’m actually really sorry he called, and I probably shouldn’t have answered the phone, because I had neither the energy nor inclination to have a good conversation. I could (should) have told him more about the new girl we’re hiring at work, my raise, my little trip this weekend to Wisconsin, and asked more about how he’s doing. But I always end up feeling like my words go in one ear and out the other, anyway, so it’s hard to find the energy.
I went to Queering the Night this past Friday and the following is part of a writing exercise we were lead through.
It’s hard to think about a dream as an absence of something. A goal is supposed to be a destination, an end, a place, a ball through a hoop or in a net, crossing through a ribbon before anybody else. Dreaming of a day without is dreaming in the negative, dreaming of empty spaces and gaps in time.
To not have to think about transitioning, though, seems large enough to occupy all space and time. To not be in constant doubt, brought up short, glance behind, read into others reading into me.
To be, simply and purely myself, no caveats or footnotes. Who wouldn’t want that? Who can achieve it?
Space is empty without desire – the gaps between planets and memories can seem insurmountable. How to climb across such overwhelming chasms?
One foot at a time. In code.
Sneak up on it so it can’t tell you’re there – or you it – until one day you are.
I wonder at the eyes I see seeing myself. Whether they can strip me bear or scale my fortifications, whether their gaze can overwhelm my shields.
When does the shield become reality? Can the two merge and meld into a vision of the sublime? Can dream become reality?
Following Daisy’s advice, I’ll be taking a page from Mr Sexsmith’s book and password-protecting certain posts about sex and sex-related stuff. Shoot me an email at blog [at] fridaythang [dot] com, preferably with a link to a blog or some other proof you’re a real person. I’ve updated the About page to reflect this, and hopefully people will notice. If not, I’ll have to find a better way to make a notification.
I’ve been thinking recently about a topic I haven’t really touched on at The Thang Blog: Porn. More broadly, sex in general. I’ve talked about it a bit – and obviously have been thinking about it – but I’ve sort of danced around writing any specific posts
On the one hand, this blog has been helpful in my own processing of my transition and experiences as a trans woman; that’s one of the reasons I originally started this blog. Likewise, a discussion of trans sexuality is something I’ve looked for (hence the Feministing advice write-in) and a part of me feels like, “Well, if I can’t find it I should just write it myself!”
On the other hand, I know friends of mine – not to mention significant others – read this blog. I put this blog on show materials to try and generate interest. I’m not thrilled of the idea that friends, coworkers, family, might read a post on porn preferences or sexual positions. And I do think there are ethical issues of discussing sex without first talking to the people who I’ve had sex with…would you want to read a friend’s blog and see an explicit description of a time you had sex? (Or implicit, for that matter.)
I’ve also thought of starting a separate blog to discuss exclusively that, but I’m not dying to deal with the additional work (and website registration fee) that would require. I also would obviously like to use the readers I already have, rather than say, “Oh, I just happened to stumble across this new blog about trans sexuality! It’s a total coincidence that the author has a writing style very similar to mine…”
Has anyone out there in reader-land had any similar experiences with their own writings? How did you deal with it? Any general thoughts on why posting about sex might or might not be a good idea?
I’m now just about three months out from my solo performance, Trans Form.
And I’m still not entirely sure what the show is about. Which is starting to stress me out.
Obviously, the general performance is still about me, my transition, thoughts on being trans, gender, and so on. But that’s not really a show.
Which isn’t to say Trans Form needs to have a strong linear narrative, or a “plot,” per se. But audiences watch shows from beginning to end and I’m not quite avant garde enough to stand on stage for another without some sort of arc or feeling of completion or finality at the end.
So what is my show about?
Continue reading 'So what is this show about?'»
Daisy and Mattie chimed in on the discussion of this recent post about about the best way to describe an individual’s gender, gender identity, status as cis/transsexual, and a few other related concepts. Following some discussion at Daisy’s blog, Dear Diaspora, I came up with three spectra:
- Gender Identity as it relates to Self Presentation
- Gender Identity as it relates to Assigned Sex
- Subconscious Sex as it relates to Assigned Sex
Spectrum 1 was coming from Daisy’s use of cis/transgender at her above-linked post, Spectrum 2 is the commonly-used definition of cis/transgender, and Spectrum 3 is the commonly used definition of cis/transsexual. (If that doesn’t make sense, please take a look at my previous post for a more in-depth explanation of these concepts.)
Basically, Daisy got me thinking about how the commonly-used definition of cis/transgender and cis/transsexual are based off of a a person’s identity as it related to their assigned sex, whereas the definition she was using for cis/transgender was based off a person’s perception of itself as it related to their gender identity. That’s the long-story-short of where the three spectra came from.
With that background out of the way, I have a few more things I’d like to clarify before moving on with this post:
- After hearing Mattie’s thoughts, and thinking things over more myself, I agree that trying to change the definition of cis/transgender is ultimately tilting at windmills
- Perhaps more importantly, it would force people who do identify as transgender to have to massively rethink their own self-identification in a way I’m not comfortable with
- As such, I’ll continue to use the Spectrum 2 (commonly-used) definition of cis/transgender rather than caveating it all the time with phrases like “commonly-used.” Starting….now!
But I still do think there are two big issues which came up in this discussion that are worth examination by anyone at all interested in gender politics and identity issues, and the transgender and transsexual populations in particular:
- The value of having something along the lines of Spectrum 1 as a more widely-understood concept.
- The sloppy and problematic nature of the standing definitions of cis/transgender and cis/transsexual
Continue reading 'Linguistic troubles with cis/transgender'»
(Brace yourself, this is going to be a long post.)
An Introduction
As usual, Daisy had an interesting post over at Dear Diaspora. (Although I think I found it more interesting than she may have originally intended!) She set the post up as intending to clarify some terms surrounding gender and identity (cissexual, transsexual, cisgender, transgender, etc) so that she could use the terms in later posts. She assumed that her readers were generally familiar with cissexual and transsexual, but used the following to define cisgender:
- cisgender: not transgender, not genderqueer; having a sex that aligns with one’s social gender (i.e. female/feminine/woman or male/masculine/man)
I had to read that definition a few times to make sure I understood, because it’s not the definition I’m familiar with. That definition would look something more like:
- cisgender: not transgender, not genderqueer; having a gender identity that aligns with one’s assigned sex
That is, the definition of cis/transgender I’m familiar with – and what I think is the more commonly accepted definition – is concerned with how one’s gender identity relates to assigned sex. Conversely, Daisy’s definition is concerned with how one’s gender presentation (“social gender”) relates to one’s gender identity (as I think we determined in the comments that she meant by “sex”).
Interesting.
Continue reading 'The ideas and language of gender and identity'»
Enjoy! Some of these are a bit stale, but I know you can handle it.
First, some you should definitely read:
Continue reading 'Links Fair'»
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