Porn! (And sex in general)
I’ve been thinking recently about a topic I haven’t really touched on at The Thang Blog: Porn. More broadly, sex in general. I’ve talked about it a bit – and obviously have been thinking about it – but I’ve sort of danced around writing any specific posts
On the one hand, this blog has been helpful in my own processing of my transition and experiences as a trans woman; that’s one of the reasons I originally started this blog. Likewise, a discussion of trans sexuality is something I’ve looked for (hence the Feministing advice write-in) and a part of me feels like, “Well, if I can’t find it I should just write it myself!”
On the other hand, I know friends of mine – not to mention significant others – read this blog. I put this blog on show materials to try and generate interest. I’m not thrilled of the idea that friends, coworkers, family, might read a post on porn preferences or sexual positions. And I do think there are ethical issues of discussing sex without first talking to the people who I’ve had sex with…would you want to read a friend’s blog and see an explicit description of a time you had sex? (Or implicit, for that matter.)
I’ve also thought of starting a separate blog to discuss exclusively that, but I’m not dying to deal with the additional work (and website registration fee) that would require. I also would obviously like to use the readers I already have, rather than say, “Oh, I just happened to stumble across this new blog about trans sexuality! It’s a total coincidence that the author has a writing style very similar to mine…”
Has anyone out there in reader-land had any similar experiences with their own writings? How did you deal with it? Any general thoughts on why posting about sex might or might not be a good idea?
Themocracy
One option is to password-protect certain posts a la Sugarbutch — have one password for posts about sex, porn, etc. that people have to email you to request. That way no family members will accidentally see something they don’t want to, you can screen the readers of those particular entries (or not), and people have to care enough about reading to write an email (or whatever) about it (fewer trolls and random passersby). This seems like it might be a nice middle ground — the posts get written and people see them; you get to restrict who sees what without having to create an alter ego.
I think about this often because I post links to all my posts on Facebook. I know a lot of my friends only read my posts this way: they’re the kind of people who don’t read any blogs regularly, but they’re also people I want reading, who I’ll have interesting conversations with about the topics later, etc. I’m also Facebook friends with my mom, several aunts and uncles, and a bunch of my cousins (the youngest of them 14) — I frequently cringe when imagining their reactions to my headlines. But, so far, nothing bad has happened, and a lot of good things have — things that would never have happened if I hadn’t written the posts I did and shared them with my whole community, including people whose responses I wasn’t sure of. I’ve received so much unexpected love, kindness, acceptance and curiosity.
Very few of my posts are about sex and only one is about porn. But I feel strongly that, if you’re moved to share something, it’s better it to do the hopeful thing and share it (providing, that it’s physically safe, of course). There are risks involved, but the potential for joy and connection is just as strong if not stronger, and the chance you might say something someone else desperately needs to hear is too important to ignore.
I’m also curious about your thoughts about porn; my girlfriend and I just bought a subscription to the Crashpad Series, so it’s been on my mind.
I haven’t read Sugarbutch in a while (it sort of fell out of my daily rotation) but I think the password protected posts sounds like a really good idea. I need to sleep on it, but I think that’s probably the way I’ll go. I’m looking at partial password protecting plugins (woo, alliteration!) so I could have part of the post visible to everyone, but not the whole thing.
I’ve thought about doing that. I think I’ve managed to keep my Facebook friends limited to actual friends, my brother, and one or two cousins – neither of my parents are on Facebook (I hope!) and I’m not entirely sure I’d want to friend them if they were… But I also have friended some students, which would make me feel awkward as well. (Don’t friend high school students. College or adult students is up to you, but high school is just a bad idea.)
Ultimately, I guess I’m OK with the possibility any of them could see my blog, but not quite OK with putting it in front of their face.
And I guess you’ll just have to wait and see what I end up posting to hear what I think about porn!