I’m heading to bed after a costume party* and there’s a much-too-fucking-loud-to-be-going-on-outside-my-room dance party happening. I’d be pro-dancing if A) it wasn’t 2AM, since I have to get up at 9:30, and B) if I didn’t feel uncomfortable dancing with strangers in my apartment.
It’s really unfortunate, because I think dancing could be good for me, but I still assume (probably unfairly) that my friends’ friends and friends’ friends’ friends look at me as “that trans chick,” and the idea of dancing with people I don’t know particularly well is creeping me out. Or not even dancing with them, but dancing in their immediate vicinity. Because dancing in my living room next to effective strangers feels way different than dancing in a club, surrounded by friends, next to total strangers.
*The theme was 7 Deadly Sins. I almost didn’t go, and just stayed in my room and sulked, but discussing said sulking with a friend online lead to me joking about going as Cranky, which let me to actually going as Wrath’s little sister, Cranky. Pictures are forthcoming.
Lots of links that have been building up! But first, an obligatory link to the source of this post’s title. Watch it, and feel a little bit better about the world.
I have a huge backlog of links I’ve been meaning to post about, so I think I’m only going to do about half right now. I’ll get to the other half when…well, probably when I’ve built up another similarly-sized backlog.
Teach What You Learn: The Straight Guy’s Primer on Gender Identity | The Bilerico Project – A pretty good Trans 101 post written from the perspective of someone who is not trans. I didn’t read all 200+ comments, but the discussion I did read seemed polite and well-informed. As usual, you should also check with other resources, but it’s as interesting for the author’s cis take on how to explain things as it is for the actual explanations.
The Bechdel Test: Movie List – The Bechdel Test applies to movies and consists of A) whether the movie has two or more women B) whether they talk to each other at any point of the movie C) about something other than a man.
Feministe » Operation Beautiful – An awesome idea about putting little notes about beauty and appearance in bathrooms and other public places
‘Still Black’ DVD On Sale « Think Pink Radio – This movie was produced by one of the artists I worked with in Charged Bodies! You should check it out – I saw it last year and it’s awesome.
A few years back, I made a specific effort to smile more because I thought it would make me appear more feminine.
I pee standing up when in private bathrooms, but aim for the out-of-the-water porcelain so as not to make a lot of noise splashing.
I don’t know how to put a bra on properly – I do the clasps in front, then spin it around to put my arms in the straps. (If you first put a bra on regularly when you were 23, you might not have been able to figure it out, either.)
I remember that there was a huge difference in sensation when I first shaved my arms/chest/legs, but I don’t totally remember what the sensation with hair was. And I was crazy hairy.
This is the About Face variety/cabaret show I was in a few weeks ago. It’s just clips, sadly, so it’s merely a taste of the overall experience, but it’s a pretty good sample of what was going on. Enjoy!
I just got back from my therapist, Laura, and it was a hard/productive session. (Funny how those two things are so often tied together in therapy…) So I have a few things are churning in my mind right now that might ultimately need to be spun out into multiple posts, but lets see where thinking out loud gets me.
I’ve been feeling some heavy procrastination/writers block lately. I think it’s partly because, in my mind, performance (which is the end goal of much of my writing) is so related with not only outing myself but revealing potentially embarrassing personal details.
Obviously, theatre doesn’t inherently involve revealing deep, hidden parts of yourself (although I think good theatre often does) but I’m kind of gearing up toward this hour-long personal narrative piece I’ve committed myself to, which will revolve around my experiences as a trans woman. Now, I can do things (like the ‘Coming Out Lecture’) that are more indirectly personal, and not simply “Here’s something about myself I’ve never shared before.” But at least some of the show is going to end up like that.
I was recently emailed by Christine Brooks, PhD and Shayna Korb, “two feminist women researchers from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology in Palo Alto, California.” The ITP is an organization which describes itself as “at the frontier of psychology and spirituality,” and with an educational paradigm which “[values] the mind, body, spirit connection.”
Christine and Shayna are doing a study on third wave feminists and their spirituality:
Are you a 3rd Wave Feminist?
How do you experience spirituality?
Share your voice with us. We’re doing a pilot study on third wave feminists’ experience of spirituality. If you identify as a woman and a third wave feminist and you’re between the ages of 18-40, fill out our short (we estimate under 20 minutes) narrative survey!
The study is at http://ThirdWaveSpirit.questionpro.com and Christine and Shayna said they could be emailed at ThirdWaveSpirit@gmail.com. I just completed the survey, and I’d say their time estimate is pretty accurate. It also has some interesting questions that required some thought about where I am with religion, spirituality, and my sense of self.
That’s the working title of the piece I’ll be putting up this December, an expansion of Ares and Aphrodite (video here and here). I’m currently a little overwhelmed (by it, by prepping for a work-in-progress showing in a few weeks, by my ‘real’ job, by family, and on, and on) but a bunch of work stuff gets finished this week so hopefully after the too-busy weekend I’ll be able to catch my breath.
Here’s a draft of the front of the postcard I’m working on with a graphic designer:
It was inspired by the Ares and Aphrodite wordle I posted a while back, and I think I like the general concept. It needs a bit of work (and I’d love any feedback from y’all!) but I’m pretty sure it’s a workable idea.
I’m in such a bipolar mood about this performance, though: Something (like the postcard) will make me super-excited, but then I’ll get overwhelmed with all the work and feel like it’s just too much. I know that’s not true, but still…
I’m rereading The Time Traveler’s Wife because, apparently, I’m a masochist. I had brought it to my apartment from my mom’s a few months ago, intending to lend it to a coworker, but it sat on my shelf. I’d glance at it every so often while looking for something to read, but made a conscious decision not to pick it up. Then, a few weeks ago, I watched the trailer with my coworkers, which (of course) made me pick the book up when I got home.
I really wasn’t intending to read it. I promise.
But, of course, I flipped through it briefly. And then glanced at the first few pages to remember how it began. And then sat down on my bed and continued reading the next few pages. And, well, then I couldn’t stop reading it…
It’s been sitting on my nightstand for about a week, because I was a little more than halfway through. And first time I read it (slight spoiler alert) I spent the last third of the book crying. And this time is looking to be no different.
I know, I’ve mentioned it before, but I just had a marketing meeting and it sort of sunk in. I’ll post more updates, and a draft of the postcard I’m thinking about, later. Just needed to get that out there. =)
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