There are no stupid questions?
For once, this is about my stupid questions, rather than those I’ve been asked by others. I’ve been slowly-but-surely assembling a wardrobe, and have compiled a list of the top “I’m embarrassed to ask the cis women in my life” questions for your reading pleasure:
- Where does one purchase leggings? I have some dresses I’d conceivably wear to work or more casually, but don’t quite feel comfortable without something covering at least part of my legs. This feels like it should be a ‘duh’ type item, but I’m obviously not looking for the right thing since I can’t seem to find ‘em…
- What’s the deal with layering tops? Why would I possibly want to wear two t-shirts if the function of the t-shirt underneath is only to peek out the bottom for an inch?
- How do I know what bras are appropriate for what tops? As a recent example, I got a nice summery dress with spaghetti straps. Is it uncouth to have my bra straps showing? Is it a fashion faux pas to have the corners of the bra itself peeking around the edge of the dress by my armpits when I move?
- Speaking of bras, how worried should I be if people can see the tops of the cups through a top? Obviously it’s no big secret I’m wearing a bra, but do I need to find bra/top combinations to smoothly move from the top of the bra cups to my skin?
- How worried should I be about pants/skirts being tight in the crotch? I’m certainly not going out in a bikini anytime soon, but I feel awkward staring at women’s crotches trying to get an idea of what an acceptable amount of crotch-bulge is… As I said, I’m not wearing super-tight clothing to begin with, but I’m also not sure if I’m being overly paranoid or not paranoid enough…
- Speaking of crotches, what kind of undies do other pre/non-op trans women like? I’ve been using some colored men’s underwear (so it doesn’t scream “men’s underwear…”) since the women’s I’ve tried hasn’t fit horribly well. Any thoughts or suggestions?
- Last-but-not-least, any other general suggestions or words of advice on clothing? Things people have learned?
Themocracy
from a FAAB perspective,
1: i remember the gap/old navy having good leggings. some stores keep them in with the tights/nylons maybe, others may have them in the workout wear section.
2: i don’t know either.
3:the bra thing can go either way, there are some who say even having visible straps is gauche, but some do anyway, i think in general you don’t want much more than the stras showing, for sure.
4.depends how obvious it is, really. i try to wear smoother bras with tighter tops.
5. most cis women are scared they will have camel toe, so wear their pants/shorts baggy enough n the crotch to not worry about that.
Thanks for the suggestions, maevele. And for number five, you’re probably right – I’m worrying too much…
I’m going to skip one to five on the grounds that… I think I might be less couth than you lol or that people where you live are generally more couth than where I live and failing that, fashions are different so I might say, “Sure! Go ahead and have visible bra straps! it’s fine!” and it could turn out that where you are you really, really, ought to have gone and got a bra with transparent plastic straps to go with it.
On number six, I do believe what you’re looking for are these: girl boxers. Dumb name, I think you call them something else in north america. Anyway since they aren’t cut so high on the hip and are usually lycra-y, they work well and help with erm, control. Plus fun! Not embarasing to show should you be in a position to show them to someone!
Seven, oh my, well… mmmm I guess good things to learn are: what suits your body shape, like if you have a thick waist like I do then an empire line style of dress is going to be more flattering than something waist tight, or cup sleeves make you look broader… or oh, this is my hardest learnt thing, dress for yourself and not anyone else
Oh, good thinking! I’ll definitely look into that.
Yeah, I’ve become a fan of the few empire waist items I’ve tried on (along with disliking cup sleeves). And I think dressing for myself, and figuring out what works for me, is always good advice.
American Apparel tends to have leggings in many many colors…
Thanks, Tristan! I hadn’t thought of American Apparel, but they probably do have great leggings.
1) Express has lots of leggings like almost an entire area. It might be more pricey than you’d like so you could look at Marshalls/TJ Maxx for a thick colored tights (sort of like leggings)
2)Hmm that’s a good question. I layer a tank top under long sleeved shirts if its too low cut for work. I do that a lot. Or just to add a peak of color to my wardrobe that almost consists of Brown, Black, White, Gray.
3) I think its no big deal if it shows from under your armpit. As for straps its hit or miss. For tank tops I think its no big deal, but i’d try and have the straps be thinner and a similar color. As for dresses, same rule, just know that it will look more casual if your straps show (at least I think so).
4) its not a huge deal, but in general you want a smoother bra, you don’t want it to look like the bra is too big which is why its sticking out.
Ha, that makes sense…
That makes sense, too. I don’t think that’s what’s happening (I hope) but I’ll keep it in mind as a possible source.
Oh, I do, baby. I do.
Leggings – I found my capri tights at Express, but I know the Gap has good leggings, or if you shop at Target, they have the thicker ends-at-ankle leggings. They’re by the other socks/pantyhose/underwear section.
Layering tops – I layer occasionally for function, not fashion. Sometimes if I’m wearing an older bra, I wear a tank top with a built in bra for more support. I have big boobs and need the double support. See: two sports bras for exercising.
Bras – I usually don’t worry in tank tops/spaghetti straps about straps showing, or if I do, I try to match somewhat. But I try to avoid wearing bras and halter tops, which doesn’t happen very often because I can’t go without a bra so I’m not a big halter top person.
Good luck!
Thanks for the advice, Lindsay! I’ll definitely check out Target – that’s kind of been my first-round store and then, when I have a better idea of what I like, I buy higher-quality clothing elsewhere…
In this cis woman’s opinion, these are not stupid questions (and you can feel free to ping me with questions like this, although I may not always know answers). I certainly don’t know definitive answers for these, although I realize there’s a significant element of cis privilege in my not having felt the need to sit down and figure out what The Rules of Fashion are. All that being said, some opinions/advice.
1. I, too, have observed the presence of leggings at American Apparel and Express. Target is also one of my go-to places when I’m looking for basic inexpensive items.
2. I don’t like that layered top look either, and I know plenty of other women who also ignore it (it looks good on some people, and that’s cool, it just doesn’t fit my aesthetic and I don’t see the point of owning a bunch of thin barely visible tops). I wear layers to deal with changing temperatures (e.g. too much AC indoors in this weather), or to dress up an outfit (e.g. jacket or long-sleeved dress shirt over a short sleeved shirt).
3. I’ve observed plenty of women with visible bra straps, enough that my assumption is that it’s considered okay in casual settings. Personally, I prefer to avoid it (I wear a strapless bra with the spaghetti strap dress I have; note that, if you have not already encountered/heard tale of this phenomenon, strapless bras tend to be less supportive and more likely to scooch around annoyingly). From what I’ve noticed, more women tend to go with strapless bras or those weird stick-on things for more formal occasions where they’re wearing a strapless and/or backless dress. Also, I have noticed that many places sell bras with clear plastic-y straps (and/or bras where you can actually change out the straps, thus coordinating with different colors or using clear ones). I don’t know how well these work or how comfortable they are because I have not tried them.
4. I don’t worry if it’s a tiny bit visible, but personally prefer it not to be too visible, e.g. I won’t wear the really lacy bra I have with a thin t-shirt because the lace then creates odd lumps.
5. what maevele said.
7. what mattie said. especially given that some of the recent trends look bad on almost everyone (e.g. the baggy tops that tend to make people look pregnant), I think it’s important to know what flatters one’s individual shape. This is also relevant to body image– many people feel when something doesn’t look good (especially when it’s trendy) that it means their body is wrong. It doesn’t– it means the clothing isn’t flattering on their body. We come in many different shapes, and not everything looks good on everyone (and as I said, some things look terrible on most of us and I have no idea what the designers are thinking).
Thanks, Juliana! Definitely good advice, particularly you’re last note. I’m trying to internalize that message the most: Just because something doesn’t look good on me, doesn’t mean I’m not good looking. (Or shaped ‘wrong,’ or whatever.)
Unfortunately, I need to remember that all too often. I don’t have crazy proportions or anything, but I’m definitely taller than the average woman, and with wider shoulders. It certainly hasn’t been impossible to find good clothing, but I wish more tops were a little longer…there’s a difference between a little belly showing (which I’m not dying to do in the first place) and a shirt creeping up towards my boobs…
“Just because something doesn’t look good on me, doesn’t mean I’m not good looking. (Or shaped ‘wrong,’ or whatever.)”
So this! Where I live women’s shoes mostly stop at size 40 (european) so a pretty big minority of women have to nip across the border to Holland to buy. Took me a while to work that out too as I was scratching my head to see where they were getting them. Just because shops sell something doesn’t mean it’s a normal size/shape for us! Just that that’s what they sell most of and they don’t care to cater for much outside the very middle range.
Your questions are totally reasonable – many cis women who aren’t that girly and weren’t paying much attention during puberty (when you’re supposed to learn this stuff) still aren’t real competent in this area.
I always thought the disagreement about bra straps showing is due to generational differences. My mom is horrified by the idea of having bra straps showing, but for many women my age, your bra straps are a fashion accessory in some outfits. One friend of mine will match her bra to her shorts or skirt and wear a top (that allows the bra straps to show) in a different color. This all seems like too much work to me, and I’ve never thought I look good in spaghetti straps anyway (shoulders too broad and muscular, arms too muscular) so I just stick with the Y-back tank tops, which do look good on me and can be worn with a basic Y-back sports bra.
And I think they refer to the “girl boxers” as “boy shorts,” ironically.
Also, I would check out some good thrift stores and just try on a lot of shit to see what works. And that way if you find out later that you don’t like an item of clothing that looked good on you in the dressing room, you only spent 3 bucks on it, so who cares? I’ve always thought thrift stores make it easier to experiment without much financial risk.
Definitely! I live down the street from a pretty great thrift store in Chicago (run by, and benefiting, a Chicago LGBT health center, bonus) but I don’t hit them up enough. Likewise, there are other good Salvation Army or general thrift stores that I need to visit more, too.
A shopping trip may be in order…
They sell leggings everywhere these days! American Apparel has good ones in fun colors but in my opinion their prices do not match the quality. I say go for Target. Most of my leggings are from Joyce Leslie, but I think that might just be a New York store, never seen it anywhere else.
My bra straps are often showing in tank tops, I don’t really care but if you are going out and wearing a nice dress or something like that you should invest in a strapless bra.
I think the “girl boxers” are a good suggestion, here they are called “boy shorts” but marketed to women, ha. They are just cut higher and are bigger, they’re sort of like briefs, but with flowers.
I hate camel-toe, I think it’s so unattractive, so I tend to make sure there are a few inches of fabric below my crotch in leggings and shorts and the like to avoid it.
I like how your friend said to dress for you. To expand on that, dress so you’re comfortable. It’s such bullshit that you have to be in pain to look pretty. Even if you have a fabulous outfit, if it feels too tight or too baggy or too whatever and you aren’t comfortable, it’s just not worth it.
I’ve been lurking around here lately..yes, I have and I’ve been enjoying myself. But I loved this post because my wardrobe consists of things that do not itch.
My sister, on the other hand, loves clothes. She said you wear the undershirt because most shirts these days tend to be made of a thinner fabric and you can usually see through them. And it adds a hint of color.
The bra thing is still a mystery to women everywhere. If women say they have it under control, they’re lying and are sure to be cyborgs from space. I found that demi cups are harder to fit once you go over a B (recently gained weight, and hey! It went somewhere I needed it for once). Pop-age and all that. Go and have one fitted if you can. There is nothing worse than a biting strap or a pinching band.
I’m useless on everything else.
Thanks for your thoughts, Christy! I think the undershirt advice from your sister makes a lot of sense.
As for bras…ugh. I have a few that fit me well (I think/hope) but, while trying stuff on at the Gap, was frustrated to realize that not only do clothing sizes differ between companies (barely understandable) but bra sizes do, too! What the hell?! If an H&M 36B fits, so should one from the Gap!