Comments on: Looking down from a great height

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 22:44:57 +0000

Thanks for stopping by, Lindsay! I agree that finding styles/outfits/looks that can be worn with flair does make dressing up more fun. I wouldn’t say I’m there yet, but I’m working on getting better…

As for the creep, yeah, that seems to be the consensus from most (trans and cis) women I’ve talked to: it’s both creepy and flattering.

By: lindsay

lindsay — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:04:44 +0000

Very exciting! I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with dressing up because it was such a pain in the ass, but as I’ve gotten older and acquired better style, it’s more been fun. I feel like I’m just emerging from a decade of really poor fashion choices.

Don’t worry too much about the bad feminist thing – as a cis woman I have similar thoughts all the time too. Like, “ugh, creep! … … is he cute?”

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:51:00 +0000

Thanks for the well-wishings, and for stopping by! =)

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:53:46 +0000

It’s like “Wow, if a straight cis guy checks me out then I must not be so bad as I think.” followed immediately by “Wtf! Stop leering at me!”.

Ha! Yeah, that’s pretty much what my thought process was last night.

One of the revelations for me in transitioning has been just how the way many men look at women feels like on the receiving end. I knew it before as an issue, saw it happening, but experiencing being the subject of it is a whole other thing.

That’s been an eye-opening experience for me, too. I need to flesh out my thoughts in a full post at some point, but I’m definitely becoming more aware of A) behavior that I have that I’m not thrilled with, now that I have a better idea of what it’s like to be on the receiving end, and B) the ‘acceptable’ (or, at least, culturally expected) behavior of others that I’m less willing to put up with now that it’s potentially directed at me.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:47:16 +0000

I hope it is ok to say this, but perhaps it is a similar experience for you, because of the relative newness of presenting so femininely and your anxiety about passing? You were validated, you were seen as a woman, and not just a woman- a hot woman!

I think you’re spot on. I can totally imagine, however many months or years from now, being in a better body-image place (hopefully!) and being able to “just” be disgusted by unsolicited comments. But, since I am more than a little anxious about passing, it was a really validating experience to hear this creep’s comment.

Even more so when a friend from who I am interested in hearing how I look also said I had great legs. =)

By: Mattie

Mattie — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:15:33 +0000

Thank you both Rebecca for the OP and you Ash for your comment (I hesitated to admit it before you replied). I totally relate to both and it definitely feels like a dirty secret to me. The mixture of being flattered by validation as a woman, guilt for that feeling and then finding it generally weird as I’m also married is a bit hard to get my brain round! It’s like “Wow, if a straight cis guy checks me out then I must not be so bad as I think.” followed immediately by “Wtf! Stop leering at me!”. And yes, it does play right into passing anxiety too for me. One of the revelations for me in transitioning has been just how the way many men look at women feels like on the receiving end. I knew it before as an issue, saw it happening, but experiencing being the subject of it is a whole other thing.

By: Ash

Ash — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 23:36:55 +0000

Looks like you’ve discovered a dirty little feminist secret: sometimes unwanted male attention is not so unwelcome. Though I am a female-bodied queer radical feminist only attracted to women, I am sometimes mildly flattered by male attention. Sure, it is often gross but when it is not gross it makes me feel a little good. I too feel like a bad feminist because of it, but I think the reason I am flattered is because I am so insecure about my body and appearance and I appreciate the validation, even from an unwanted source.

I hope it is ok to say this, but perhaps it is a similar experience for you, because of the relative newness of presenting so femininely and your anxiety about passing? You were validated, you were seen as a woman, and not just a woman- a hot woman!

I have never admitted this before, feels kind of good. Can’t wait to explore this further with you.

By: BlackWomenBlowTheTrumpet

BlackWomenBlowTheTrumpet — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:45:44 +0000

I am glad that you enjoyed the event and felt confident in how you presented yourself! I am glad that you are comfortable feeling pretty, looking pretty and DOING the pretty!