For once, this is about my stupid questions, rather than those I’ve been asked by others. I’ve been slowly-but-surely assembling a wardrobe, and have compiled a list of the top “I’m embarrassed to ask the cis women in my life” questions for your reading pleasure:
- Where does one purchase leggings? I have some dresses I’d conceivably wear to work or more casually, but don’t quite feel comfortable without something covering at least part of my legs. This feels like it should be a ‘duh’ type item, but I’m obviously not looking for the right thing since I can’t seem to find ‘em…
- What’s the deal with layering tops? Why would I possibly want to wear two t-shirts if the function of the t-shirt underneath is only to peek out the bottom for an inch?
- How do I know what bras are appropriate for what tops? As a recent example, I got a nice summery dress with spaghetti straps. Is it uncouth to have my bra straps showing? Is it a fashion faux pas to have the corners of the bra itself peeking around the edge of the dress by my armpits when I move?
Continue reading 'There are no stupid questions?'»
I’ve updated the previous post, Backlog of Links, with a more accurate description with how Kate Bornstein & S Bear Bergman are handling the response to their use of ‘tranny’ in their call for submissions to a new, updated Gender Outlaw. Ultimately, my summary (“the CFS used ‘tranny’ and Bear wasn’t willing to engage in a discussion about whether that was OK”) was really unfair to both he and Kate. As I said in the update to the previous post, life is often more complicated than it first seems and my assumptions about his behavior were totally off-base.
I wanted to take an extra post, though, to more fully go over my thoughts on how the Internet can (negatively) affect communication. In this case, I mean ways my communication was handled poorly, not anyone else’s.
Continue reading 'Take a deep breath and count to ten'»
My Bookmarks folder has been filling up, so time to post some and delete ‘em.
The Most Amazing Flash Ad Ever -This is, indeed, hilarious and you should check it out.
Colbert Report on Stonewalling – As usual The Colbert Report is rather hilarious
Seven Most Baffling Criminal Defenses That Sort of Worked – Cracked is often a little misogynistic, but I have to give them credit for having describing the Gwen Araujo murder pretty accurately, and using correct pronouns. (Even if they lose a lot of that credit for the picture of Jamie Lee Curtis they use…)
Rep Schakowsky’s Open Letter to the LGBT Community – I do love Rep Schakowsky, and appreciate this letter. Even though I’m unhappy about how much ‘progress’ has been made on GLBT issues since Obama took office.
Lessons – A post from the always-insightful Daisy about her journey discovering how to express gender. (And I hope I’m not stepping on toes by using ‘her’ – I don’t think she’s stated her identity as trans, or male, but please let me know if that’s not the case and I’ll change pronouns right away!)
Camp Aranu’Tiq – A camp for trans kids. Nifty!
Permission – Check this video out. It’s really worth watching.
How Many Letters Does It Take to Kill A Movement? – I’ve thought a lot about this, in terms of how many letters does the LGBTQIAA movement need to be inclusive of everyone, and what should/shouldn’t be included.
Call for submissions – the next Gender Outlaw – Kate Bornstein & S Bear Bergman are calling for submissions for an updated version of Gender Outlaw. Unfortunately – and much to my regret, as I’ve met Bear and really liked him, and really enjoy Kate’s writings – they used ‘tranny’ in the CFS. When someone brought it up in the comments, Bear seemed unwilling to engage in a discussion of why some people don’t like that word. EDIT, 6/29/09: As usual, life is more complicated than than my summary of the situation, and Bear has let me know he and Kate do plan on addressing the issue this week. I feel like I keep being presented with this lesson over and over, but it obviously hasn’t sunk in yet: Silence on the Internet (and offline!) can, in fact, be due to life interfering with the best laid plans, and not due to intentional snubbing.
I Heart You on Facebook – Hilarious!
How to Build a 3D City – Amazing!
Princess Pros and Cons – The pros and cons of being a princess. Very enjoyable.
Five Axioms about Gender – Exactly what it sounds like. Worth reading.
A Pirate’s Code of Conduct for BitTorrent – I’ve been known to torrent some bits, so this seemed interesting.
I fucking cut my nipple while shaving! Dammit, that hurts! I’m ready for the laser removal to be done so I don’t have to deal with shaving my chest anymore…
I want to be empty.
Empty of envy. Envy of girls who are younger than me, prettier than me, with perkier breasts than mine. Envy of the teenage girls I will never be.
Empty of desire. Desire to win the approval of girls who are a lifetime younger than me, who look up to me because I’m older than they are and who I can see trying to impress me to win my approval, and yet whose approval I want so badly – and so absurdly – because I still wish I was one of the popular high school girls.
Empty of lust. Lust over every curve and every swell. Lusting after bodies I wish to press against my own, and after bodies I wish to be my own, all at once and together in a rush, ever-shifting.
Empty of guilt. Guilt that I didn’t start sooner, save more, do better, stand taller, act stronger, work more, support others better, give more of myself.
Continue reading 'I want to be empty'»
I was out the other night with my mom, her friend, and her friend’s son, S. He and I were friends when we were in second or third grade, and hadn’t seen each other in maybe fifteen years. I wasn’t dying to go out with everyone, but my mom had said her friend – S’s mom – had been asking to the point where it was getting awkward. So I finally agreed.
After dinner, the four of us were walking toward the beach to have some ice cream. My mom asked if my shoes were rubbing, as my ankles were red. I said that, yes, they were rubbing a little bit but that I was fine and she shouldn’t worry about it. (This isn’t actually the noteworthy part of the story, but is there any stronger way to say “I’m fine” to a parent? Maybe in a different language? With flashing lights?)
S looked at my shoes and said, “Did she ask if those don’t fit because they’re women’s shoes, and you used to wear men’s?”
Continue reading 'Shoely You’re Joking'»
From an article about a Swedish family:
Pop’s parents, both 24, made a decision when their baby was born to keep Pop’s sex a secret. Aside from a select few – those who have changed the child’s diaper – nobody knows Pop’s gender; if anyone enquires, Pop’s parents simply say they don’t disclose this information.
“We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mould from the outset,” Pop’s mother said. “It’s cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”
…with a second child on the way, Pop’s parents have no plans to change what they see as a winning formula. As for Pop, they say they will only reveal the child’s sex when Pop thinks it’s time.
I think this is pretty cool. There’s something powerful about allowing a child to notify the world of their gender, if and when they choose to. But, of course, there are those who are objecting:
“Ignoring children’s natures simply doesn’t work,” says Susan Pinker, a psychologist and newspaper columnist from Toronto, Canada, who wrote the book The Sexual Paradox, which focuses on sex differences in the workplace.
It sounds to me like the parents aren’t “ignoring children’s nature,” they’re allowing their child to identify for his or herself what that nature is. At the same time, I do think this statement of Pinker’s is probably more accurate:
“It’s unlikely that they’ll be able to keep this a secret for long. Children are curious about their own identity, and are likely to gravitate towards others of the same sex during free play time in early childhood.”
But, nevertheless, I think it’s worth it to give Pop the ability to state his or her own gender, rather than having it be built into every interaction before he or she makes a conscious decision about it. Thoughts from the peanut gallery?
I just got back from the fundraiser I was volunteering at tonight, and had an experience I wanted to share.
Throughout the evening, and particularly later in the evening as I was more and more tired and my mental filter dropped, I found myself looking down and being somewhat awestruck at the sight: Boobs (my boobs!) in a dress (my dress!) framed by hairless arms topped with painted nails (my arms and nails!) leading down to smooth legs (my legs!) ending in heels (my heels!) tipped with painted toes (my toes!).
This was the most femininely I’ve dressed up since starting to transition, and even though I was exhausted from helping out rather than having fun, I sort of couldn’t get over the experience.
Continue reading 'Looking down from a great height'»
I’m still alive, even though I haven’t written a new post for almost a week.
First week of camp at work, and even though I’m in the office it’s still a lot of extra work getting everything together for seventy kids. Everything’s been going pretty smoothly, fortunately, but things have been pretty laid-back at the office for a while so actually doing seven hours of work in a seven hour workday is a shock to the system…
Last weekend I went to my first baby shower, which was somewhat surreal. I think the feeling came from a healthy mix of being one of the youngest women there and one of the few who was not either married or engaged, and of simply not being used to being in such a decidedly “women’s” space. There was also more than a little bit of hearing everyone talk about childbirth and knowing that’s something I’ll never experience.
While at the shower, I spoke briefly with JP, the co-founder of one of the organizations I teach with (the shower was a co-shower for two other women who work there). She is, without a doubt, amazing. Old enough to be my grandmother, JP is nevertheless is empathic and intelligent enough to ‘get’ where I was with feeling somewhat out of place at the shower. She sat down next to me and said, “So this must be somewhat weird for you,” and we were then able to have a perfectly respectful and understanding conversation about how the transition is going. She’s one of the few people who I don’t know really well, but am willing to open up to simply because I’ve never been let down with her responses. I hadn’t seen JP since I came out to her, about eight months ago, and she was just amazingly supportive, then and now.
That made yet another round of “Obnoxious cis questions” from another woman at the shower all the more frustrating.
Continue reading 'It’s been a long week'»
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