There was just a thread over at The Bilerico Project discussing how to answer questions about being GLBTQ. The replies to the post turned to the use of ‘trans’ as an identifier, and thought I’d share what I posted in reply to a question about “the slugfest going on over the use of “transgender.”"
My understanding is that there’s a disagreement in the trans community over whether individuals who have transitioned can/should still be labeled as ‘trans.’ (Of necessity, I’m using the term ‘trans community’ to include men and women who do not believe ‘trans’ is an appropriate identifier for themselves.)
Continue reading 'Identifying as trans'»
I’m feeling pretty low right now, and I’m not sure why. I think it’s probably a combination of things ranging from mundane and, ulitimately, small issues – not getting enough sleep last night, having an off eating schedule today, realizing the four day weekend is almost over – to larger issues that have been weighing on my mind – the recent irregular communication issues weith G, the slump I always feel after a big performance is over, concerns at work, and so on.
So even though it’s Saturday night and friends are in town who I don’t get to see often (SS, TV, MF) my inclination is to stay home and curl up with a book to drown out the darkness swirling around my head.
And I’m worried that when I do go out – because just staying home would get me in trouble with these friends who I won’t see again for months – I’ll be in such a blah mood that I’ll be poor company anyway.
Goody.
-R
I talked with my therapist last night about what I’d ruminated on in this post about the Trans Day of Rememberance, and thought I’d share my thoughts.
Basically, I’ve been thinking about what community support I need right now. The mentorship and performance (final night went well!) have made me think about this, too. Basically, if I’m identifying as an out trans woman, and as a an out trans female performance artist, what do I need from those communities (queer in general, trans specifically, and artistic) and how do I want to allign myself with them?
The TDOR event was disapointing in large part because it didn’t satisfy my desire to be part of either community – trans or artistic – that I was hoping to get from the experience. On the flip side, I was very concious of how the different people who came to see the performance this weekend affected me – family, friends, people from the Workshop, and people from the trans youth group I’ve attended on-and-off. Each group was tremendously important, but the feedback from the two trans facilitators who came was somehow satisfying in a way I hadn’t previously experienced – these weren’t only people I respected as loved ones or as artists complimenting me, but other trans people who were saying I’d done a good job communicating something about that very unique experience.
And I want more of that, but I’m not entirely sure where to get it.
-R
The first performance of the mentorship work was last night (the second and final performance is tonight) and I’m just all over the map right now.
The performance went really well – I feel like there was enough I know I can do better on tonight to have room for improvement, but I’m definitely happy with how it came out. And, likewise, excited to keep working with specific chunks of it as well as broader themes and issues it raised.
And a lot of people, including both my parents, came to see me, which was really great. Including a few people from the workshop, which really meant a lot – that’s been so core to my artistic development that having people whose opinion I really value say they liked the work was really moving.
I also was connected with the trans programing director (I’m probably getting that title wrong) from Toronto Pride who was, like, “I need your email address so we can talk about having you perform at the next Toronto Pride.”(!!!)
Which obviously meant I came home and gushed to G (we met up after her rehearsal got out) and then proceded to cry for a while…I think it came from having put so much of myself out there and having that sink in a bit, and just really not knowing how to handle praise. So it all sort of welled up in tears.
But tonight’s the last performance, and so then I can catch my breath (and, like, do laundry and go grocery shopping…) before I inevitably start working on stuff again!
-R
PS – I’ll post the script one of these days, when I get my head together…
Yesterday, November 20, was the 10th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. The goal, according to the linked website, is
…to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999. Rita Hester’s murder — like most anti-transgender murder cases — has yet to be solved.
30 trans individuals were killed this year (that made the news, anyway), which is obviously a horrible number.
But I’ve been thinking about the TDOR all week, and am realizing how disconnected I feel from the whole concept, and from the larger trans (and even larger GLBT) community.
Continue reading 'Feeling Disconnected from the Trans Day of Remembrance'»
…that rehearsal can be going really well (we got out super-early tonight because our run was so successful), the show (well, the process) was written up really positively in Time Out Chicago and The Reader’s theatre blog, but two kids – at least ten years younger than I am – giving me a funny look and then glancing at each other with knowing eyes can totaly deflate me and remove all that positive energy?
Here are the artist notes I just submitted for the Charged Bodies program:
A GENDER QUIZ - Get to know your neighbor by asking these fun-filled gender-probing questions!
1. When was the first time you ever were ever really aware about your own gender, and how did it make you feel?
2. How much thought went into the presentation of your gendered self when you were gettting ready to go out tonight?
3. How many times a day do you think about gender?
Answer key below…
Continue reading '‘Charged Bodies’ program notes'»
Figured now (when I’ve been remiss on posting) was a good time to highlight some posts from around the ‘blogosphere’…
- Trans-Related
- Transsexual Ferox posted a number of questions about her “doubts, worries, and questions” from before going full time as a woman, and her responses have given me a lot to think about. I want to write a whole post about this at some point, but I’ll settle for linking to it for now.
- Random!
- Stuff White People Like’s post #115 Promising to Learn a New Language which struck a little close to home for me… =P
- From the Official Google Blog, a story about how they constructed a zip-line to get across a stream divding the Google campus… I sort of can’t get over how much I love this concept… (Particularly working an an organization that could pretty easily set up a zip-line. That’s probably how I should start getting down from the grid in the gym.)
- Last, but not least, a bunch of politics links
I’m sitting in an Internet Marketing course to discuss how the arts org I’m General Manager of can better utilize ye olde Interwebs and the presenter is talking about organizational blogging.
I felt bad about not having made a post in over a week, so figured this is as good a time as any.
Blog!
-R
Just got back from the rally at Grant Park to watch President-Elect Obama delivery his victory speech.
Wow. It was just unreal. I don’t have any pictures, because I made the conscious choice not to bring my camera, but I’ll find some from elsewhere at some point and post or link to ‘em to give you an idea of what it was like.
I got there about 7PM with G and we probably got into the main staging area at about 8PM, after going through two ticket-and-ID check points and one metal detector security check point. The rally was held on the baseball diamonds directly south of Buckingham Fountain, for those of you who want to Google Maps it…the stage was on the east side, probably around a third of the way up all of the fields, facing north-west-ish. We were by the north-west entrance to the fields, on a slight hill.
When we got there the rally area was probably a third full, which meant we could have waded into the thick of things, but chose not to. First, being on a little hill meant we got to see better – from the middle of the crowd we never would have realistically seen Obama on stage well anyway. So, even though it was very far, we could see the stage clearly. It also meant we got to see the crowd, and boy what a crowd it was. I’m eager to hear how many people the police and papers are saying showed up, but I can’t even begin to try and figure it out. I just don’t have a frame of reference. But it was an amazing sight to see. (Note: As of writing this, Chicago Sun Times is saying “more than 100,000,” Chicago Tribune is saying 240,000, and NY Times is also saying 240,000, noting it’s a number from “city officials.”)
Continue reading 'Unreal'»
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