Comments (0) I’m rehearsing my piece and taking Tim’s suggestion to use the blog as part of it (although perhaps this is a bit too literal). (Also, this assumes I can get Internet over at Links Hall….I’ll email EM to check.)
-R
I hesitate to write this post when things are actually going pretty well, but feel like I need to if I want to work through some of it…
When I started transitioning I knew it would be hard work. Hard physical work, like the excruciatingly painful and horribly expensive hair removal, and hard emotional work, like changing how I interact with friends and loved ones.
What I didn’t really think about were all the little ways in which it would wear me down.
Things like having people I barely know feel that they then get to make assumptions and judgments about me (not even necessarily negative ones!) because they know I’m trans. Like Jack, whose brother and brother’s wife were both trans, so even though I just met him he felt completely comfortable asking me how long I’ve been on hormones. And, damn me for not thinking ahead, I told him instead of giving a noncommittal answer to indicate it was none of his business. An answer like “trans people go on hormones for the rest of their life” or “none of your bloody business, person-I-just-met.”
emotion, gender, humor, the workshop, trans, transitioning
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boy, children, exhaustion, girl, hormones, humor, roommates, trans, transitioning
Note: The first group showing for the mentorship project was a really great learning experience ance, following feedback and discussion of what I showed, I’ve decided to try and rework Ares and Aphrodite to make it A) better suited for the stage and B) more understandable for the audience. This piece will be taking components from each of the three Ares and Aphrodite pieces I’ve written so far, as well as incorporating new material and attempting to do a better job explaining the mythos I’m creating. I’ve also put ‘chapter’ markings for where I’m thinking of splitting the piece for the final performance (where it will be woven in with personal narrative).
CHAPTER ONE
Long ago, in the time when gods and goddesses were known to come down from Olympus and walk among mortals, a husband a wife lived near a great sea. They were not so poor as to want for many things, and yet not so well-off as to forget that all mortals can be brought low by divine power. They lived in happiness with their love for each other, and yet they felt their lives were incomplete for they were childless. So they prayed to Demeter, goddess of fertility, and at last the wife felt life stirring within her.
It is said that when a child is conceived it is sexless until touched by Ares, god of war, or Aphrodite, goddess of love; that the formation of any mortal body is incomplete until it is infused with the strength of Ares or the grace of Aphrodite. And yet, what happens when Ares and Aphrodite both claim a mortal child?
Sorry for the lack of posts lately, and for the gaps between posts. I’ve just felt swamped, with things related to work (someone left so we have a new hire, and my boss is yet again being somewhat unreasonable about my taking time off), my personal life (G was gone this week), my artistic life (trying to keep working hard on the mentorship piece – more on that soon), and transitioning (went to ‘deposit’ yesterday and got one viable sample, which means I need to go back because each sample is good for one attempted at insemination…was hoping to get two or three, which isn’t uncommon, but the hormones have been busy busy busy, I guess – more on that soon, too).
So yes. I have not forgotten about you, faithful readers (such that you are) and I have a couple of posts in the pipeline that I hope to get up soon.
-R
A friend of mine is getting married this upcoming weekend and I’ve been stressing about what I’m wearing, and whether I’m going in boy-mode or girl-mode.
Initially, I assumed it was ‘obvious’ (note: nothing ever is) that I’d be going in boy-mode. My reasoning was I hadn’t seen the friend in a while and, while I’ve been out to her for years and she’s been nothing but accepting, she and her fiance are on the more conservative end of the spectrum than I am and I didn’t want to do anything that would distract from her special day. I feel like it would be selfish to present myself in such a way that would in any way take away from the focus on her.
However, I was told recently by MG that she and SH (the bride) had been talking and SH was totally okay if I went in girl-mode and was a little confused that I was thinking about not doing so.
Some pics from a recent photo shoot I did of the piece I’m working on for the mentorship. (Thanks EU for help taking pictures!) (No, not the European Union…)
(Been bad about posting this week. Sorry!)
I’ve been thinking a lot about situations where my behavior or interactions or presentation will be functionally the same before and after transitioning, but where there’s still a large emotional and/or perceptional shift. For example, while out with friends over the summer, I jotted this down during the cab ride home (in the interest of full disclosure, I was not exactly sober at the time):
There is a subtle, yet fundamental difference between being catty (with ‘the girls’) and being an asshole (with ‘the guys’).
In all fairness, ‘the guys’ that I’ve hung out with aren’t exatly the assholish type, nor ‘the girls’ really the catty type. But I’ve noticed a few times recently when out with friends in girl-mode that there’s been a subtle shift in my interactions with the men and women in the group. And I think there probably is an actual difference in interactions, but I think a lot more of it is based on my own emotions and perceptions of the situation and me feeling more comfortable in girl-mode than I ever really have in boy-mode.
Which brings me to what I really wanted to talk about: being perceived and/or thinking about myself as a heterosexual man versus a gay woman.
Below is a test shoot of the first chunk of Ares and Aphrodite followed by Children’s Games. I don’t like caveats or disclaimers before artistic showings, so I won’t give any, but I will follow up below the break with some things I think were successful and those that need to be improved upon.
Continue reading 'Mentorship video! (A rough draft…)'»
gender, memory, theatre, trans
| aphrodite, ares, mentorship, rough draft, theatre, video
We have a non-discrimination policy for our classes which is printed in our brochure and previously read “[we don't discrminiate] on the basis of race, creed, color, sex, age, national origin, disability, sexual orientation, marital or veteran status.” I’d asked my boss before about including gender identity on the list (after praising him for including sexual orientation) and never heard back, so I assumed he hadn’t done it and I’d have to bug him again before the next session.
But today we got the brochure proof and low-and-behold: “[we don't discrminiate] on the basis of race, creed, color, sex, age, national origin, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, marital or veteran status.” (Emphasis added.)
It’s pretty neat to feel like you’ve made a difference, even a little one.
-R
Just put this together with my new video camera (toys!) and KDEnlive.
Continue reading 'Video Test (Also: I love Ubuntu, except when I don’t)'»
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