This is what I just sent, as a followup to this post.
-R

Dad,

I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier. As I said, I’ve needed some time to think things over, and figure out where I am.

I think for right now I’m not really up to an overnight trip. I would like to spend more time with you, and maybe even figure out a weekly or bi-monthly time to go for a couple-hour bike ride (like we did over fathers day) but I think overnight is a little too much for me.

I also really do appreciate your offer to talk with my therapist together, but I think that, for right now, I can’t be the sole place you’re dealing with issues relating to my transition. I’ve included some links below, as well as links to some books that you might find useful. I’d also say check out PFLAG and see if they have any resources, and/or talk to my mom – I know she’s been to a group of parents of transgender kids and would probably be happy to give you their information. Please let me know if you have any questions about anything I’ve sent – I can’t promise I’ll answer all of them (or even know the answer!) but I’ll certainly try to give you honest responses. Again, part of the reason I brought stuff up was to open a line of communication that seemed to be dead, but I also feel like it can’t be one way.

Lots of love,
-J

Links:

• What transsexuality is – definition, cause, and history
• A primer on transsexuality
• An article about being a parent and dealing with behavior than doesn’t conform to normal gender roles
• Mom, I Need To Be A Girl – a book about one mom’s experience with her transgender daughter
• Understanding Transgender Children – an article from ABC
• TransProud – For Parents of Transgender Children – a letter to the parents of transgender children, with links (some of which I’ve included in this email)
• Transsexual family resources – a page of links concerning family issues for trans people; I’ve included some of the links from this page

Books

• The Riddle of Gender – a look at the different ideas of gender over the last ~100 years, written by a friend of someone who is trans; good historical overview and lots of viewpoints about what gender and being trans mean
• Gender Outlaw – a book on what gender means by a trans woman; one of the first trans books I read years ago
• My Gender Workbook – a tongue-in-cheek book in the style of a textbook, with ‘lessons’ you’re supposed to follow and ‘tests’ you’re supposed to take to make you think about where gender (and gendered behavior) comes from. good for flipping through and reading chunks to prompt new thinking, not really for cover-to-cover reading
• She’s Not There – a well-written, (relatively) non-sensational autobiography by a trans woman

One Response to “Letter to my dad”

1. Ash says:

   July 17, 2008 at 9:06 pm

   Good for you, m’friend. Your letter is concise, honest, to the point and brave. Let me know how it is received.

   Reply