Augh!
As I mentioned before, I’m not thrilled with the side effects of lowering my hormone levels to (eventually) be able to deposit sperm. I’m basically at a constant low level of irritation, have been for a little under a week, and probably will be for another couple weeks until I can start bumping the levels back up.
On top of that, I’m currently not talking to my dad (following this conversation; scroll down for it) and just talked with L, my therapist, about all of that. (All of that being what my dad and I had talked about, how I’d felt about it afterwards and since then, and what I can/should do about it now.)
The thing she did want me to acknowledge was that, ultimately, this was a good step. My dad and I have had communication issues for years. Or, at least, I’ve felt we have; it’s unclear if he did. So not only was I breaching transitioning issues, I was trying to change the style of communication for the first time in our relationship.
She also said that I can’t be the sole person who is talking to him about transitioning stuff. My mom had found a support group, so she had a place to voice questions/concerns and hear other parents’ thoughts. My dad is, shockingly, not going to do something like that unless I push him. She suggested I send him other places (books, websites, groups, etc) that might be able to help him and let him know that I can’t be his only source of information or support. Which I think makes tons of sense.
What she also suggested, and what I’m less thrilled about following through on, is trying to see him more often (once a week or so) as a way (the only good way) to normalize things in the long-term. I know she’s right, so I’m writing an email to my dad right now that says, basically, “An overnight bike trip” (which we’d beed talking about before) “is out of the question right now, but I’d be up for another afternoon trip again,” and additionally include a list of resources he might look into to (eventually, hopefully, maybe) learn more about why I was upset with him and what needs to change in our relationship.
The way L put it, which I think was useful for me, was that if you have a spectrum of knowledge/experience with trans issues running from A to Z, I’m around G or H (which I’ve also been thinking about – 1/3 of the way through? Can’t figure out if that strikes me as too far, not far enough, or just right…) and my dad’s so pre-A he’s off the chart.
-R
Themocracy
[...] of the oddest experiences of my transition was going off hormones to deposit sperm. (Almost three years ago!) It made me feel – perhaps more than any other single situation – as if I was [...]