I was recently accepted into a mentorship program with a gay performance artist (he’s the mentor) and two other mentees, with the goal of developing queer solo performance. (As the title indicates, I’m excited about this, but also somewhat terrified…) Anyway, I thought I’d share my application, somewhat edited to remove some identifying information

Why Solo Performance?
When I was thirteen I crept into my parent’s room and tried on my mom’s black one-piece bathing suit, inflating my flat chest with socks and tucking my penis between my legs. Had I been asked, had a surprised family member burst in and wondered what the hell I thought I was doing, I could not have provided a good answer. Ten years later, now one year into hormone replacement therapy and exploring the identities of ‘transgender,’ ‘transsexual,’ ‘lesbian,’ and ‘queer,’ I no longer need to stuff my bra with socks but I am still searching for an answer to that most powerful of questions: What the hell do I think I am doing?

In an effort find an answer, my artistic exploration has carried me far and wide. I have immersed myself in story theatre at the Workshop for over ten years, first as a student and now as a teacher. Much of my artistic sensibility comes from my training at the Workshop and the belief that text is not truly alive until it is given voice. Yet, while staging the writings of others has informed my own identity, it has not allowed me to find my own answer to the question always at the back of my thoughts.

More recently, I have studied circus arts at the Gym for the past five years, taking myself to new heights – literally and metaphorically – of physical exploration and engagement. I now know that every piece of theatre is inherently physical and all movement and positioning on stage, even that with the intent of neutrality, communicates something through the body of the performer. Again, viewing my own gender as a physical performance has aided in the creation of my identity as a woman, but the larger question following me requires deeper examination of what it means to be a woman.

Finally, I have reveled in the opportunities for interdisciplinary art at University while participating in the Animate Arts program and as a Computing and Information Systems minor, and have taken my theoretical examination of performance to a higher level in my major with the University’s Department of Performance Studies. Through the Animate Arts program and the Computer Science department I created my most multidisciplinary piece to date, a Choose Your Own Adventure piece where audience members voted on the path of the show using two-toned xylophones and had their votes tabulated and displayed by a computer program of my own design. Likewise, through the Department of Performance Studies, I discovered that all human interactions may be viewed and analyzed as performance, and furthered the skills in adaptation that I first learned while studying at the Workshop. So I have begun to examine my own life as a performance of gender, both masculine and feminine, but need more than introspection to come to any conclusions.

Indeed, at every opportunity, I have looked for ways to expand my reach as an artist and as an individual. My areas of interest are wide and varied, ranging from computer science to circus, and from the theories behind performance to the staging of the written text. However, my personal narrative as a trans woman continues to be a driving force behind my work, and behind my desire to create solo performance pieces. I have been writing about my experiences during my transition, blogging about my thoughts and interactions, but I know all too well that text which remains unspoken, remains unheard. My transforming body is a political statement, an extreme example of the inherent performative nature of human identity, and demands a voice.

Just what the hell do I think I am doing, anyway? I aim to find out.

Mentorship
While I have not had the privilege of seeing the mentor’s performance, it is clear that his work as a performance artist is not ‘simply’ political, ‘merely’ personal, or ‘just’ entertainment. Rather, it finds the intersection of all three. In [show], for example, he takes the political topic of gay marriage but injects it with his own very personal reality of being unable to marry his partner. Likewise, in [show], he co-opts Broadway musicals to explore his own experience as a gay man growing up in the United States. From my own perspective, as a trans woman hoping to participate in this program and to begin to find her voice as a performance artist, the possibility of working with the mentor is extremely exciting.

A mentor is a guide and teacher (as well as the one who allows you to find your own path), a provider of answers (as well as an asker of questions), and a source of encouragement (as well as a reality check). My hope for this program is to create a partnership with the program mentor, with the goal of placing him in all of these roles. I am aware of my lack of experience with solo performance, and wish to discover my voice as a solo performance artist. Likewise, I have yet to discover my voice as a queer artist – as transgender or gay or simply as a a trans woman – and hope to learn from the mentor’s experience and hear how his path has brought him to where he is now. Finally, from that partnership and mentorship, I hope to create a strong solo performance piece which begins to answer my own questions of how my gender experiences have created and effected my identity, and how my identity as a trans woman can feed my art as I move forward.

For the above reasons, I believe I am an excellent candidate for participation in the mentorship program through this organization. As an artist, I am poised and ready to expand my work into solo performance. As a trans woman, I am eager to find my voice as a queer artist. And as a lifelong resident of the area, I am thrilled at the possibility continued growth within the area’s artistic and theatrical community by working with this organization.