Talked more with my mom tonight about names. She reiterated what she’d said in the email (and what I talked about in this post) so nothing more new on that front. Just need to figure out what I’m doing. Still leaning toward Jennifer Rebecca, but I dunno…
My dad, meanwhile, emailed me back (after I emailed him again to bug him about it) with a whopping “Names I don’t remenber (sic) at all. Maybe mom does. Next weekend for something (brunch or?) sounds good. Well talk during the week.”
Continue reading 'More names'»
Yes, more dreams…transcribed from my dream journal.
In A Band
(I remember this one a bit more, so can flesh it out more than my bare notes in the journal.)
I’m in a band, but no one knows we perform in drag (we’re billed as a band made up of women).
All of the other band members are onstage, and I’m backstage. Someone finds out that I (and thus the rest of the band) are really all in drag, and I somehow subdue(?) him – I think I tie him up backstage and give him to one of the crew.
There was also something about underage drinking, but I’m not sure what.
Waiting for the Train
(Don’t remember this one at all, so just transcribing it…)
NYC waiting at the train for [can't read the word - part? pact? pant?]
Obnoxious women.
So I finally asked my mom what girls’ names she and my dad had been thinking of before I was born. She got back with JR (which my dad favored) and AP (which my mom favored). Unfortunately, I’d already sort of settled on JR, and going by R, but my mom really likes P, after her grandma…
I still need to talk to my dad (shockingly, he’s been slow at getting back to me…) and talk more with my mom, but I’m thinking about RP. I’m really not a huge fan of P, but you’re not supposed to like your middle name, right?
Feeling quite a bit better about circus stuff. Also not so crazy tired, which helps…
So I’m trying to figure out if I want to get an electric bike, something like these that have both petals and a motor. Basically, I want to sell my car and get a Vespa, but live somewhere it’d only be usable ~5 months of the year… So I feel like going part of the way, and getting something that’ll still let me save money on gas and that sort of thing, is a good compromise.
The bike is $750, which is more than I’d like to spend but still less than half of the least expensive Vespas.
Continue reading 'I want an electric scooter!'»
I’m feeling very frustrated with my body right now. I just got back from rehearsal for the show I’m in, which is very much a circus show. I’ve known that estrogen and transitioning wouldn’t be kind to male muscle mass, but working on this show has really bee the first place where I’ve seriously felt it. Sure, it’s one thing to say, “Oh, I couldn’t carry all the bags of groceries up in one trip” or “Oh, this luggage seems heavier than I think it should be,” but I feel like I was letting down the director and the rest of the cast tonight by not being able to perform to the level that I expected I could going into the show. And, even though I’m out to the director and he’s awesome and has been nothing but understanding, I know he cast me with the knowledge of my non-hormoned body’s skill set, and my body right now is just not up to the task
I also know that I just got back from Paris and have been up for 22 hours, but I know my performance tonight wasn’t primarily caused by that…
Unrelated, there’s a much longer post brewing in the back of my mind about gender and its performance and stuff I thought about on the plane, but it’ll have to wait until another time…
Note: This was written on the flight from Paris back to Chicago, although the idea had been bouncing around in my head for a while. It’s had minimal proofing (basically a spell-check and quick once-over) but I do hope to refine it and come up with an actual ending, which it lacks for right now…
His name wasn’t actually Pinocchio His parents had named him with a true and proper name. They had placed ink on paper in record of his birth and, indeed, of his name. Over the years, as he grew up, he would now and again lodge a token protest against others calling him Pinocchio He would remind them that he did have a name, his own name, and that they could not deny him his name by calling him Pinocchio But the wizards and sorcerers of old were mistaken: your true name is not the name given to you by the gods or by loving parents. Children on the playground know to this day that your true name – whatever its source – is the name you respond to, whether in joy or in pain. His name wasn’t actually Pinocchio
But he was called Pinocchio all the same.
Continue reading 'Pinochio'»
In a discussion with G about Whipping Girl, a book about the need to include trans issues in the larger feminist debate, I think I stumbled upon something that’s been bothering me.
The book uses cissexual as an opposite of transsexual – a transsexual individual is someone whose self conception of their own gender does not fit with their biological gender, while a cissexual individual’s does. It’s using the prefix cis, meaning “on the same side [as]” or “on this side [of]” and in Wikipedia under cisgender. Continue reading 'Definitions'»
I was standing on the bridge over the canal near KL with a bunch of people I went to middle school with – some friends and some I didn’t get along with – as well as some people I did not know. The bridge was much higher than in real life and, peering over the edge, the water was very far away.
I was assigning points for something, keeping score for some game we had come up with, when a woman jumped over the edge. We all rushed to look down at her, and could see her swimming (unharmed) in the water below. Some people wading at the edge of the water began to swim out to help her.
Continue reading 'Dreaming in Paris'»
Prompted from a discussion about transitioning, and things I’m learning about being a man and/or being a woman…
- Do men get stage freight when using stalls, knowing that everyone else knows they’re going to poop?
- What’s the deal with crotch-scratching? Just itchiness, or a display of something more?
- Do guys ever pee sitting down? (The followup: not even when they’re tired?!?)
- Do most guys have a morning erection?
- How often to men masturbate?
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